The "cult" of child-rearing (wife, boyfriends, married, women)
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Every time I talk about the future with people (which happens allot when you're under 30 and/or not a college graduate with a career) the same question comes up: when are you going to settle down and start a family? And every time I tell some stressed-out parent with a bunch of whining kids on each arm and one running around breaking stuff that "I don't think I ever want children", they look at me like I am from another planet and say "why? you'll be missing out"
Everybody, from family to friends and even people who don't have kids seem to have drunken the child-rearing kool-aid on this issue. They just cannot fathom that someone could live a perfectly happy life without children. All the time I hear "when are you gonna settle down? don't you want to start a family someday?" Well, I got news for you..."SETTLING DOWN" AND "STARTING A FAMILY" ARE EUPHEMISMS FOR "SURRENDERING YOUR FREEDOM"!
I had to spell this out to this college girl I work with the other day: when you are a mommy, that's it: YOU'RE A MOMMY! clubbing? OVER! Hanging out all night with the girls? OVER! Having hopes and dreams about new exciting careers and world travel? OVER! All those things are suddenly replaced with an endless parade of runny noses, juiceboxes, dinners to cook and diapers to change. Who actually wants that?
The worst thing is, which so many people who are of the same opinion have also heard, is that when you say you want to be child-free, so many people will say "you're just selfish" Excuse me? As opposed to the people who have kids to fill an emotional void in their lives knowing good and well that they can't really take care of a kid? (which amounts to more than half of all parents on Earth I am convinced) If anything, the parents are shelfish!
I mean, if I never get a "real job" and just keep being a video-game playing fine dining waiter, than big deal, it is just MY LIFE that I am wasting...someone with no job security who has a kid they know they can't take care of? They are wasting their lives AND THE LIVES OF THEIR OFFSPRING WHO DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN! As A kid who grew up poor myself, I ask...why would you do that to a kid? At least I will sink or swim as an individual and will not take some innocent kid down with me.
Also, I am willing to admit that I would be an awful parent. Darth Vader has more patients than I do and my pet frog died of neglect. So, if I know good and well that I would not be a good parent, how the hell is it "selfish" for me not to want to have kids?
Of course there remains the super-big "I like my freedom". The freedom to go where I choose without needing a babysitter, the freedom to live as I choose, to come home as late as I want to and to be spontaneous and, I don't know, skip town for two days without notice to go to some other city for a film festival I just found out was going on. Why should I give that up?
Still, I have family, friends, and everyone else saying "well, you'll want kids of your own some day" or "but you have to have kids!". I swear it's like a cult! No, sorry, when and if (and it's a big 'if') I ever get married, the woman in question will have to agree with me on this one. I think I need kids about as much as a snake needs a pair of pants. This is one guy who will never join the cult of child-rearing.
This is one guy who will never join the cult of child-rearing.
It's not rocket science, really: most folks want kids, some folks don't. Living in a free society, we get to choose for ourselves. Whatever floats your boat.
OP, I truly commend you for being honest about not wanting children. There is nothing wrong with you or that decision.
Frankly, I wish that there were more people who would decide NOT to have children. It would make life in America a whole lot easier. And before anyone starts calling me a baby-hater; what I mean is that for a lot of parents out there, just because they could procreate doesn't mean that they should.
Deciding to become a parent is a major undertaking and the decision should not be made lightly. And it sad that many women get pregnant to try to hold on the their man or to get their boyfriends to marry them. Or even (as in the case of OctuMom) try to get a bigger welfare check.
I agree with you in one very important way. I give major kudos to those who know that they're not cut out for parenthood and don't try to convince themselves otherwise by just jumping into it anyway. I would much, much prefer that over "Octo-Mom" who fancies herself as the Madonna by having way, way too many children that she could never in a million years support either financially or psychologically/emotionally.
Stay the course if that's what you want. Don't let anybody talk you into doing something that you don't want to do. It's not like getting a pet and realizing you're in over your head. You can find another home for a dog or a cat, but not for a child.
Many, many folks do things....."just because that's the way we have always done them".....this includes having kids. It's the herd mentality.
Society at large expects us to go to school, go to college so you can get a "good" job, find that special someone, get married, have kids, continue in your career so that, maybe you can retire someday. Then, have your kids repeat this cycle.
If you're not ready for family/kids, then just wait, or don't do it.
As for me and my own family, I was ready. With my wife, I knew right away that she was mine forever, but we waited six years before we had any kids. We enjoyed life together, traveling, partying, learning, etc....and now with kids we STILL DO THESE THINGS!!! only we drop the kids off at a babysitter or with in-laws while we out on our "dates". and even traveling. We just take them with us on some of our trips. Easy. Having kids has not hindered us one bit, quite honestly.
OP, I truly commend you for being honest about not wanting children. There is nothing wrong with you or that decision.
Frankly, I wish that there were more people who would decide NOT to have children. It would make life in America a whole lot easier. And before anyone starts calling me a baby-hater; what I mean is that for a lot of parents out there, just because they could procreate doesn't mean that they should.
Deciding to become a parent is a major undertaking and the decision should not be made lightly. And it sad that many women get pregnant to try to hold on the their man or to get their boyfriends to marry them. Or even (as in the case of OctuMom) try to get a bigger welfare check.
Nothing wrong with living child-free!
I completely agree with you! Thanks so much; you saved me some typing.
I think it's instinctive in all living creatures to reproduce, care for your young, and extend your life by passing it along to your children, grandchildren, etc., etc.
It's probably also instinctive for us guys to reproduce with as many women as we can in our lifetime -- to keep that blood line expanding. But as society advances we learn to control our instincts and use reason.
If you knew me you'd probably say I had a very successful career, but if you asked me what was the most important thing I've ever done, I'd say I raised two great kids who each became parents of great kids.
But that's just me. If you don't want children or feel you couldn't/wouldn't be a good parent, don't. There's already too many people in the world; it won't miss yours. There's no shame in remaining childless, or at least there shouldn't be.
Okay. So you're tired of people condescending to you about not having kids, so you condescend to people who do. Well, now that makes all the sense in the world.
There's nothing wrong with not having kids. I don't want them, and when people ask me when I'm going to have them I just tell them that anything that comes out of my hoohaa isn't any of their **** business. Sorry if that wasn't pg-13 enough. In general I like kids okay, I've just never had much desire to have them.
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Excuse me? As opposed to the people who have kids to fill an emotional void in their lives knowing good and well that they can't really take care of a kid? (which amounts to more than half of all parents on Earth I am convinced) If anything, the parents are shelfish!
. and even traveling. We just take them with us on some of our trips. Easy. Having kids has not hindered us one bit, quite honestly.
