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I have been married for 5 years, and we have a beautiful 3 year old. I have a few problems in my marriage, one of most concern. I love him more than anything, and I know he loves me, but I am just not getting what I need. AND NO, I don't mean sex . I have realized why so many women cheat-- I do not support it, I just understand now and don't judge them. I have never cheated on any of my mates, and never dreamed of cheating on my husband. However, I think I am the lonliest married woman in the world. My husband comes home from work, and immediately (within 5 minutes) begins to play on the computer (we are both 32)-- just stupid RPG games, and facebook crap. He barely acknowledges me, and mutters "uh huh" when I speak to him..later to have no recollection of my words. He puts me and my daughter 2nd to his hobbies. He comes off the computer after my requests (which I get tired of saying, shouldn't he want to be a part of this family??) and then sits in front of the tv. He shares nothing with me, and sometimes makes no comment at all when I talk to him, like I am not even speaking. I have had some recent medical scares which have me and my family concerned and he asks no questions and never brings it up, he never asks how Im feeling. He makes jokes about my medical problems because he is ignorant to the fact that I am sick..I asked him once if he could explain to me what I was diagnosed with, and he was so far off it made me cry.. I have tried many times to explain to him that I need more from him emotionally, but it usually turns into him calling me needy.. he's good for a week or so and then back to this...He also has the nerve to complain about lack of sex, and doesn't get how this plays a part in my lack of interest. I have found myself enjoying harmless attention from other men because of this and Im afraid of what that means.. Nothing I say can make him understand.. he was raised in a very non communcative family.. I feel like I am almost being neglected-- am I needy or is there something wrong??
You mention you have medical problems. How recent are these medical problems and how long has this behavior been going on? He could be trying to distance himself from you and/or from dealing with the illness(es) because he is scared.
I think if you walked over to him, and put that thing on him like he wants, he would put down the World of Warcraft. If you undress in front of him, and initiate a freaky deak session, and he still isn't interested, then Chessiemom may be on to something.
I can see this being a potential problem. What I would do is talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel.
Do something to get your relationship turned around for the better. Maybe start implementing something you used to do in the 'olden' days.
I would also try and schedule some talk time. Maybe just a half hour a day, and if that is too much for him to handle, then 15 minutes.
Let him get home and get situated, play his computer games, video games, whatever in the heck it is he needs to do.
He has been at work all day and now he is winding down. I know this feeling from walking in the door after work and everyone jumps on me for one thing or another. It makes you want to go back to work, or hide in the computer.
Whatever your medical issues are, I would also talk to him about that, not when he is involved in other things, but when you have told him you would like to talk to him when he has a chance. Let it be up to him to decide when.
YOU need to be ready with information on your problem. Just let him know you have been researching it and since you all are a team, you want him to know everything you now know about it.
This lets him know that you want him to be a part of your life while not making him feel stupid or ignorant to the situation. You have told him that you had to research it, you did not already know it, and now you want to share it with him.
I would not leave your home, unless you are planning on a possible separation. I am thinking you need him to be on a stronger emotional level with him, and I understand that feeling.
It is very possible for you to gain that from him, but not all at once, and make him think the ball is in his court. Otherwise, he may think you are nagging him, or whatever else men tend to think about us women.
... I feel like I am almost being neglected-- am I needy or is there something wrong??
You're not almost being neglected; you are being neglected. And we all need a little attention from our partners.
You're suffering from what I'd guess is the biggest single problem in bad relationships -- lack of communication. Without some major effort on his part, you're in for a long, bleak marriage or divorce.
Since you've already made repeated efforts to get his attention and failed, I'd suggest couple's counseling while there's still time to save the marriage. Put it off too long and you won't want to bother with it. He needs a wake-up call pronto.
For the record, I don't think his behavior is too abnormal. I see and hear about the same type of conduct regularly. In most cases the guys (sometimes gals) are ignorant of the fact that they're doing anything wrong.
If you or he refuses the counseling route, you might try planning something together -- daily walks, dinner WITHOUT television, a drink on the patio, weekend drives, camping, etc. -- anything to get you two alone where there's no interruptions from the TV or computer.
My wife left her ex for the same reason, as did my late wife. You're not alone.
I wonder if his at-home habits are a recent development - is his behavior now different than before you were married, or before you had a daughter? Knowing this would help to better understand your situation.
Am I the only one who thinks that the medical issues could have something to do with this?
If he can't face her medical issues and deal with them and escapes through video games, it's problematic for the marriage.
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. I have realized why so many women cheat-- I do not support it, I just understand now and don't judge them. I have never cheated on any of my mates, and never dreamed of cheating on my husband. However, I think I am the lonliest married woman in the world. My husband comes home from work, and immediately (within 5 minutes) begins to play on the computer (we are both 32)-- just stupid RPG games, and facebook crap. He barely acknowledges me, and mutters "uh huh" when I speak to him..later to have no recollection of my words. He puts me and my daughter 2nd to his hobbies. He comes off the computer after my requests (which I get tired of saying, shouldn't he want to be a part of this family??) and then sits in front of the tv. He shares nothing with me, and sometimes makes no comment at all when I talk to him, like I am not even speaking. I have had some recent medical scares which have me and my family concerned and he asks no questions and never brings it up, he never asks how Im feeling. He makes jokes about my medical problems because he is ignorant to the fact that I am sick..I asked him once if he could explain to me what I was diagnosed with, and he was so far off it made me cry.. I have tried many times to explain to him that I need more from him emotionally, but it usually turns into him calling me needy.. he's good for a week or so and then back to this...He also has the nerve to complain about lack of sex, and doesn't get how this plays a part in my lack of interest. I have found myself enjoying harmless attention from other men because of this and Im afraid of what that means.. Nothing I say can make him understand.. he was raised in a very non communcative family.. I feel like I am almost being neglected-- am I needy or is there something wrong??
