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Anybody ever think that sex or romantic love is not real love? That the way you love a child, a parent or a sibling or a lifelong friend is real love. And that only rarely do you attain that highest love with a spouse or a gf/bf?
I know many of us have had fall outs, with parents, siblings etc, but even then don't you say something like, "Yeah but I still love them and want the best for them,"? And isn't that generous sentiment a lot less likely with a romantic interest? Wonder why? Is there something about romance/sex that complicates, obscures and deceives?
I am the type of person who 'breaks up' for good. I may not jump into the decision right away but once I've done it, it's done, and I treat it as my past and move on. I have never been interested in remaining 'buddies' with an ex. With the ex-husband, I didn't want to have to look at him and get reminded of the numerous things that went wrong, nor do I want to look at him and unwillingly get reminded that I actually slept with him! (Sounds very mean-spirited but I think I literally hated him.)
We had a child, so I had to go through the formalities with visitations 'n' such. But I kept it at that.
Now there is one ex-boyfriend that I caught up with a couple of years ago. He called me a good 15 years ago just to see 'what's up', and much later I got curious. But there was absolutely no way we could be buddies, not a chance in Hell.
Anybody ever think that sex or romantic love is not real love? That the way you love a child, a parent or a sibling or a lifelong friend is real love. And that only rarely do you attain that highest love with a spouse or a gf/bf?
I have had all amicable break ups (sorry folks) one of my formers caught up with me while I was in their city, we had a good visit, I met the kids, I still see some of my old flames we talk, catch up. Once somebody see's your bare butt , you may as well stay freinds.... I think
I have a lady friend who's ex cheated with her sister. Now her ex and her sister are married. She was able to keep them both in her life. I don't know if I could do that. Their three children were teenagers when the end of the marriage was happening. It really screwed life of one of them. Now the kids are having their own kids, it's all a big extended family. But my friend was left with having to fend off for herself financially, and she can't help but look at her sister living "her" life.
Just saying there may be various circumstances where clean cut "have or not have your ex in your life" can't be happening.
Some might be surprised to hear that I am at the moment blessed to be in a relationship, a marriage, with a woman who is not only my true romantic love, as real a love as a parent or a child, and also my best friend. She is someone I would go to the ends of the Earth for. If tomorrow she came to me and said Guess what buddy, it's ciao time, I gotta cover ground you couldn't keep me down, that kind of thing, as shocked and hurt as I would be, after about two weeks of a Jack Daniels binge I think I would wake to want the best for her. What she has given me, been to me can't be undone, no matter what....
But, I know this is rare. Men and women are drawn together by sexual attraction. If that's not there, how far into the relationship would you bother to go? And then when that wanes or goes astray we are left with the person, the personal relationship, and if that is not strong, we are in deep trouble. As I say, at the moment I am lucky, but it has not always been the case, and I have a good memory.
I'm on friendly terms with two ex-boyfriends. Neither relationship was all that serious and neither of them would have been right for me as a husband. We don't stay in touch that much, just an occasional e-mail.
My ex-fiance (and a couple other ex boyfriends) are a different story. They lied, cheated and hurt me worse that I ever thought possible. I was devastated to hear that my ex-fiance had married someone else very soon after walking out on me. Do I wish bad things for him? No I don't but could I ever be friends with him again? No way in Heck!
Anybody ever think that sex or romantic love is not real love? That the way you love a child, a parent or a sibling or a lifelong friend is real love. And that only rarely do you attain that highest love with a spouse or a gf/bf?
I know many of us have had fall outs, with parents, siblings etc, but even then don't you say something like, "Yeah but I still love them and want the best for them,"? And isn't that generous sentiment a lot less likely with a romantic interest? Wonder why? Is there something about romance/sex that complicates, obscures and deceives?
Indeed - excellent questions. Too often, people look at a romantic relationship with the attitude of, "what's in it for me?"
With every other kind of love, the relationship itself is the reward.
My thoughts exactly. I question why some people feel the need to hang on to their ex's at all. I see no good reason unless there are kids in common. And even then, cordial and respectful is all that's required. You don't have to be friends.
Also, I don't agree with a PP that people who don't remain friendly with their ex had a bad break-up. I dated a guy in high school who told me that he needed to take a break from the relationship. I told him to take all the time he needed and when he did decide he wanted to be with me some months later, I had already moved on. There was no yelling or fighting. I just don't play that game. You either want to be with someone or you don't. I don't hate him. If I saw him today I'd probably say hello but I just leave ex's in the past. For me, it has nothing to do with being angry or hurt. I've had ex's calls and want to hang out. No thanks. I just prefer clean breaks.
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(Sounds very mean-spirited but I think I literally hated him.) 
