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I'd love to have someone wash my underwear, take care of waiting for the repairman, cook my meals (oh wait, my husband did that - I'm gonna miss his cooking), and clean my house. I just can't justify foregoing a second income and asking someone else to give up a career so I can have those things. Just seems lazy to me.
It's just not like it was in my grandma's day when you needed a house spouse because there was so much work at home to be done. There just isn't anymore. Seems more like a luxury lifestyle choice these days. Kind of lazy on both parties IMO given that it's now so doable to take care of things after work but, then again, if you can afford luxuries, who am I to say you can't have them? I just know I'm not willing to give up my husband's income in return for coming home to a clean house and a hot meal. As far as taking off to meet a reapairman, that's my favorite way to burn leave time. Gives me some down time and an excuse to take a day off of work without being sick. Sometimes, you just need a day off to watch TV.
I'd like to ask a side question. Not whre are the domesticated (I hate that term because it sounds like we're being compared to domesticated animals) ladies but is there a place in society for domesticated women (or men) anymore?
please don't take this wrong, but I hate your question- because it's not only top-of-the-list reason why I am still single, but might end up remaining that way (& I don't think "do what's expected/demanded of you, no matter what you believe in or how it makes you feel" is an appropriate solution to anything)
to add a few details:
first & foremost, while I believe that unless there are some kinds of extreme circumstances, women with children should NOT be in the workforce, I don't have any lil kids to take care of, so that's not an issue to me personally... what is the issue, "IMHO", is that a marriage or LTR which consists of "financial equality" instead of practical gender roles is not a marriage- it's a business arrangement, it's an arrangement of "convenience," an arrangement of "you go your way & I'll go mine."
in addition to the practical side of it, I believe there is also an emotional aspect to this topic-- again, taking into account occasional extreme circumstances, I believe that a guy who isn't willing to lovingly support his family is casting doubt on his family's worth to himself.
how dopey is this: here on a public forum, where I don't know anybody, I'm gonna admit a difficult fact-- while I intensely dislike being single, and consider it to be unnatural, the reason for me being so is that in the last 10+ years I have not met anyone who could be trusted with money.
what I did encounter were 2 attitudes & the behaviors which went along with them:
on one side, the type of "never-grown-up" type who, whether wanting a wife/girlfriend at home or in the workforce, had the attitude/behavior "my income is mine- to spend frivolously, be irresponsible about bills, run up debt, etc.; which was bad enough, but pales in comparison to (I hate the term 'control-freaks,' but it's accurate) individuals whose attitudes/behavior is "I earned this money, so therefore it's your place to 'ask' (crawl & beg) if you need something."
in other words, I'd be terrified to be in a marriage/LTR if I didn't continue to have my own income- & at the same time would resent the person who made it necessary simply because he couldn't be trusted.
I'm sure that somewhere in the United States of America there are adult-aged males who believe that a person taking care of and running a household is a valid contribution to a family and that income is also a valid contribution to the family-- but in the last 10+ years I haven't known anyone like that.
Women may not be the domestic queens of past generations, but on the other hand ~ they don't make men like they used to, either. Hell, I was raised on a farm where the men had more duties and concerns than those who lived in town/the city. And I don't ever remember my mother, or my sister-in-law, having to repeatedly "remind" their husbands of some household, or outside task, that needed attention. They just did it. When it came time to mow all that grass around the property, it got done. If the fence broke it was repaired immediately. When something else broke down it was taken care of, or at least they would examine the issue first to see if they needed to hire someone to fix it. There was none of this plopping on the couch for the night, or escape to the gym for two hours, after their farm work was done.
Now, neither my father nor my brother did any general housekeeping, but they didn't leave things lying around undone. That isn't the way it is anymore, it seems. I know I complain a lot about my husband's 'round-to-its' but many women seem to share that woe.
I just can't justify foregoing a second income and asking someone else to give up a career so I can have those things. Just seems lazy to me.
But that's just it...it really isn't lazy if you are doing all those things. And many people have no interest in having a career of their own, or often they are able to do "their thing" at home. To each their own...what ever floats your boat!
I could care less about any of that. I don't want a domesticated woman, I want a career-driven, ambitious women, one who I can really respect. It's fine if she has no time for domestic nonsense, I will do my own laundry anyway, it takes no time basically. Throw stuff into a washer every two weeks, pull it out after watching some TV, throw it into the dryer, then pull it out after watching some more TV. I don't even fold it, I just hang everything, much easier, saves on time and keeps clothes actually a lot less wrinkled. No use folding something you're just going to wear anyway. Creates extra work and wasted life, for nothing. I can't cook but that's really not necessary in today's society. Cooking is a huge waste of time. It's much more cost-efficient, if your time is worth anything, to just go buy pre-made stuff. I have a great grocery store next to me with chef prepared food anyway, plus Subway and a million other places.
I'd prefer a girl who is really ambitious, not domestic.
please don't take this wrong, but I hate your question- because it's not only top-of-the-list reason why I am still single, but might end up remaining that way (& I don't think "do what's expected/demanded of you, no matter what you believe in or how it makes you feel" is an appropriate solution to anything)
to add a few details:
first & foremost, while I believe that unless there are some kinds of extreme circumstances, women with children should NOT be in the workforce, I don't have any lil kids to take care of, so that's not an issue to me personally... what is the issue, "IMHO", is that a marriage or LTR which consists of "financial equality" instead of practical gender roles is not a marriage- it's a business arrangement, it's an arrangement of "convenience," an arrangement of "you go your way & I'll go mine."
in addition to the practical side of it, I believe there is also an emotional aspect to this topic-- again, taking into account occasional extreme circumstances, I believe that a guy who isn't willing to lovingly support his family is casting doubt on his family's worth to himself.
how dopey is this: here on a public forum, where I don't know anybody, I'm gonna admit a difficult fact-- while I intensely dislike being single, and consider it to be unnatural, the reason for me being so is that in the last 10+ years I have not met anyone who could be trusted with money.
what I did encounter were 2 attitudes & the behaviors which went along with them:
on one side, the type of "never-grown-up" type who, whether wanting a wife/girlfriend at home or in the workforce, had the attitude/behavior "my income is mine- to spend frivolously, be irresponsible about bills, run up debt, etc.; which was bad enough, but pales in comparison to (I hate the term 'control-freaks,' but it's accurate) individuals whose attitudes/behavior is "I earned this money, so therefore it's your place to 'ask' (crawl & beg) if you need something."
in other words, I'd be terrified to be in a marriage/LTR if I didn't continue to have my own income- & at the same time would resent the person who made it necessary simply because he couldn't be trusted.
I'm sure that somewhere in the United States of America there are adult-aged males who believe that a person taking care of and running a household is a valid contribution to a family and that income is also a valid contribution to the family-- but in the last 10+ years I haven't known anyone like that.
I totally disagree. Kids do not suffer in any way when mom works. In fact, there are those who claim that they benefit not only from her income but from her improved self esteem because of her accomplishments outside of the home.
As to those practical gender roles, times have changed and they're just not needed anymore. Back in my grandmother's day, women had two full time jobs just keeping house. Women also had no control over their own fertility so kids came when kids came and in the numbers they came in. You are not even considering how times have changed. We lost about 60 hours a week of work in housework over the last 100 years and now have about 1/4 the number of children to care for. Why would a woman at home be warranted?
And no, taking care of a home is something all adults do whether they hold down a job or not so it's not some added value to quit your job and do it full time, which is part time compared to grandma's day (not that anyone in their right mind wants to work the hours she did). If everyone cleans their own house and everyone raises their own kids regardless of working status then there is only a loss of income when you have one spouse quit their job to stay home unless said spouse can't cover the costs of working and if they can't, they have bigger fish to fry because maternal education at the time of birth is one of the biggest predictors of child outcomes and mom would, likely, be uneducated if she can't afford decent day care.
Don't take this the wrong way but why are you living in the past? The work has been taken out of housework, children don't turn out differently based on moms working status and we now control our own fertility. Why shouldn't a woman have a career in addition to a family? Men have been doing it all along. Why is it wrong when we do it?
I could care less about any of that. I don't want a domesticated woman, I want a career-driven, ambitious women, one who I can really respect. It's fine if she has no time for domestic nonsense, I will do my own laundry anyway, it takes no time basically. Throw stuff into a washer every two weeks, pull it out after watching some TV, throw it into the dryer, then pull it out after watching some more TV. I don't even fold it, I just hang everything, much easier, saves on time and keeps clothes actually a lot less wrinkled. No use folding something you're just going to wear anyway. Creates extra work and wasted life, for nothing. I can't cook but that's really not necessary in today's society. Cooking is a huge waste of time. It's much more cost-efficient, if your time is worth anything, to just go buy pre-made stuff. I have a great grocery store next to me with chef prepared food anyway, plus Subway and a million other places.
I'd prefer a girl who is really ambitious, not domestic.
You are not alone. During our first separation, I registered on an on line dating site (had to register to see his profile which I needed a copy of for the court) and I got a rediculous number of responses from men much younger than me. STBX told me to take my income and job title off of my profile and they stopped. Engineer with a six figure income drew a lot of attention. Hmmm? I wonder what would happen now that I'm a high school physics teacher making 1/3 that amount? Any bets?
But that's just it...it really isn't lazy if you are doing all those things. And many people have no interest in having a career of their own, or often they are able to do "their thing" at home. To each their own...what ever floats your boat!
But those things get done anyway. Houses get cleaned and meals cooked regardless of whether or not one or both parties work. What I don't see is the need to have one person stay home to do things that you're going to do anyhow.
I can't understand not wanting to go out and accomplish something in life. I look at life as writing your epitaph. I want mine to say I left this world a better place than I found it not that I stayed home and cleaned house.
I loved being a stay at home mom....I got to experience all their firsts...worked in their classrooms, was their Brownie and GS leader...helped with CubScouts...went on field trips....had their friends over afterschool so they wouldn't be alone until their own parents got home....I couldn't imagine trying to fit all that in after work. ...cleaned the house...made dinner...made their lunches....
And even when I did go back to work the kids weren't in daycare or with a sitter. Our schedules were such that one of us was always there.
My job as their mom was to shape their little lives... to be their own personal cheerleader...to set boundaries...teach them respect for self and others....we parented as a team...I was the head coach
I didn't have to worry about the pressures of a job outside the home...or worrying about taking a week of vacation because the twins had chicken pox...
To this day even their friends say how great it was that I was home cause they didn't have that.
I made a difference in my kids lives not someone else. I was involved with no distractions.
Yes, I am educated and do have a degree. And I was a young parent.
Now, I didn't mention my husband in the above....however, he was then and still is an active force in our grown kids lives...he is their wubbie...even now they call him just to hear his voice..to hear him tell them he loves them because he, like me, is their soft place to land.
But those things get done anyway. Houses get cleaned and meals cooked regardless of whether or not one or both parties work. What I don't see is the need to have one person stay home to do things that you're going to do anyhow.
I can't understand not wanting to go out and accomplish something in life. I look at life as writing your epitaph. I want mine to say I left this world a better place than I found it not that I stayed home and cleaned house.
Ha...no way. What makes you think they get done anyway? No...often they DON'T get done, or they get done much later, and in a less satisfactory manner. And if you DO get everything done, then it's doubtful that you will have no time to do ANYTHING ELSE. It's far far more than just "cleaning house". You're making one heck of an assumption to say that. If one person does it all, it's a rough road. I know...been there done that.
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- I'm gonna miss his cooking), and clean my house. I just can't justify foregoing a second income and asking someone else to give up a career so I can have those things. Just seems lazy to me. 
(& I don't think "do what's expected/demanded of you, no matter what you believe in or how it makes you feel" is an appropriate solution to anything)
