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It's a package deal, good or bad. Before you take the "legal leap" think good and hard if this is what you want, forever. This is also a good time to see how well you partner backs you up regarding his self-absorbed teens. If he is not in your corner now and can't see how their behaviour affects you, then I doubt it will get better in the future. Good luck.
Thats really true. By looking at it as a package deal makes me feel selfish. I dunno, I like to think that people can change and can better themselves in doing so. Ive seen my BF's teenagers and the effects of a childhood where they were spoiled rotten. I know that I want my baby to be raised differently from that. My BF and I have spoken about that. He agrees with me, but sometimes needs reminding. Same with the teenage behavior issues. I defenitly think that I have a lot to contenned with-- am I crazy for wanting this?
Thats really true. By looking at it as a package deal makes me feel selfish. I dunno, I like to think that people can change and can better themselves in doing so. Ive seen my BF's teenagers and the effects of a childhood where they were spoiled rotten. I know that I want my baby to be raised differently from that. My BF and I have spoken about that. He agrees with me, but sometimes needs reminding. Same with the teenage behavior issues. I defenitly think that I have a lot to contenned with-- am I crazy for wanting this?
No..we all hope for the best and always wish things could change, but as history has told us, if you don't like the way things are now it's foolish to "hope" they will change in the future. The kids will not change until they are on their own and not handed everything they want. Going into a relationship thinking you can "fix" people never works. You end up doing all of the changing to fit in with their lives while they take you for granted. I am not saying this is your situation and I hope it isn't, but I hope for your sake these are older teenagers that will be going off to college or to live their own lives soon. You really need to look at is it the teens you are annoyed at or that their dad let's them get away with this kind of behaviour? Having so many years between you and the fact that you are closer in age to his kids than him may make it hard for him at times to see you as an equal and treat you as such. Remember, when you are a young and vibrant 40 he will be 66 and when you are still young at 50 he will be old enough to be your grandpa. If you chose to have kids with this guy is it fair to your child to have such an old Dad? I don't mean now but further down the line??? Hope my realism isn't too much. I had a relationship with someone when I was 21 and he was 34....fun at first but the age difference came out as he got older. He has had three wives since we broke up and they were are in their early twenties when he married them while he was forty up to his late fifties with his last marriage. I hope everything works out as you want it.
I'm 5 years older than my husband, but it does not matter to us because we are truly "soul mates", I can finish a sentence for him, he knows what I am thinking. We have a wonderful life and I honestly can't imagine life without him. Still on the honeymoon!
so what is your secret , ihave this girl she is 2.5 years older than me
and we are an item but u know african values on relationships sort of ristrict
it and iam kind of thinking about lying about her age till some years when
reversal will be a non starter,i dont know is it a wise move?
so what is your secret , ihave this girl she is 2.5 years older than me
and we are an item but u know african values on relationships sort of ristrict
it and iam kind of thinking about lying about her age till some years when
reversal will be a non starter,i dont know is it a wise move?
What does your girlfriend think of your idea about lying about her age? If there is an age prejudice in your country, then it wouldn't bother me to lie about it. As it is, why should your age and hers even come up in a conversation? And people should not be defined by their biological age.
The kids will not change until they are on their own and not handed everything they want. Going into a relationship thinking you can "fix" people never works. You end up doing all of the changing to fit in with their lives while they take you for granted. I am not saying this is your situation and I hope it isn't, but I hope for your sake these are older teenagers that will be going off to college or to live their own lives soon. You really need to look at is it the teens you are annoyed at or that their dad let's them get away with this kind of behaviour?
Having so many years between you and the fact that you are closer in age to his kids than him may make it hard for him at times to see you as an equal and treat you as such. Remember, when you are a young and vibrant 40 he will be 66 and when you are still young at 50 he will be old enough to be your grandpa. If you chose to have kids with this guy is it fair to your child to have such an old Dad? I don't mean now but further down the line??? Hope my realism isn't too much. I had a relationship with someone when I was 21 and he was 34....fun at first but the age difference came out as he got older. He has had three wives since we broke up and they were are in their early twenties when he married them while he was forty up to his late fifties with his last marriage. I hope everything works out as you want it.[/quote]
Well we do have a baby already-- 11 months old. He is a very caring father, kind and gentle. I have thought so much about how unfair it is to my little baby to have an older Dad. It makes me sad, really sad, to watch his 2 teens take him for granted and at the same time knowing that my baby wont be getting the same type of things to even take for granted. For example he plays hockey with his teens every single Friday night and they could care less. Its sad. Im glad that he gets to spend that quality time with them but it makes me angry that they really dont care how hard their Dad works for them (obviously I dont mean the hocky alone). Maybe I am a little annoyed at my BF for not caring how his teens treat him. Im so utterly confused. I thought I was confused before but the more I think the more mind boggled I become. Im very glad for the input though, and welcome the new insight and different ways to look at my situation
Maybe I am a little annoyed at my BF for not caring how his teens treat him. Im so utterly confused.
But you've never been in the position of being married, with kids, and then divorced. I believe that what commonly happens is that the parents (or at least one of them) tries really hard to keep the marriage going for the sake of their kids. Finally, it comes to the point where a divorce is necessary. The kids are upset at their family being split apart and even mad at their parents. Then the parents feeling guilty, indulged their kids, trying to make up for the divorce.
So whether or not he realizes it, your boyfriend feels guilty over the divorce, and by not disciplining his children, he is trying to make amends for the family being split apart. Meanwhile, you are stuck in limbo not having mom privileges over them.
For an example of how kids feel about their parents divorcing, watch the the indie movie, The Whale and the Squid. Or go to the library and read up about it.
I haven't read all the thread is kinda long and im too lazy
But well, my 2 only relationships ever have been OM/YM
My first husband was 13 years old than myself, though it didn't worked(and we had a daughter together she's know 10), my 2nd marriage, we have 3 daughters(6,3,1).
I'm 33(going on 34 in Jan) and he's 55(going on 56 on July) he has two older children, but they're adults know.
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