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That is what's being discussed. Many have given bad advice that she needs to do whatever it takes to get back "home" to family, even suggesting kidnapping the kids. Well the law is pretty clear on that (thank goodness), so there's no sense wasting lawyer $$$ on that, or going to jail. She needs to stay put, start working, be frugal and learn a higher-paying marketable skill, as advised above. Over time she'll learn that she's capable of being independent from family, and she'll be better for it.
Now that's what I'm talkin' about!! Good advice, and exactly what she needs. She has to be scared to death....I was when I first got my divorce and leaned on my family big time...this is what is good for her...having friends on here who are giving this great advice...good job!
Wow. That's all I can say. Thank you to all those who are bashing me. ********* to all you who say I am weak, or I need to grow up, or I made a mistake by getting married. I came here looking for advice, possibly from someone in my same situation. I am still a bit in shock over the current events of my life. 3 years ago, my marriage was perfect. We had no secrets. We made time for each other despite having 2 young kids around. I am not uneducated. Yes, I hold no degree. I hold a certificate. 10 years ago, when I was in the workforce, I made good money for a single, independent female. When my husband and I first got married, I made more than him, and supported him after he got out of the Navy and went to college to finish his degree. I'm not stupid, have I made mistakes? Yes. Who hasn't? When I moved here with my husband, things were still great. Believe it or not we took a PAY CUT to move here, because we believed it would be a better QUALITY of life for our children. In his previous job, he was never home. He worked shift work and that shift changed weekly. On a good week, he worked no less than 85 hours. We moved here so he would have a Monday thru Friday 9-5 job so he would stop missing family events, including major holidays. The move changed him. He still finds reasons to be gone the same amount, if not more than he was previously. He started searching for himself. And I supported him, because I thought he'd do the same for me. He joined the guard. That takes him away on deployments that can last several weeks, fortunately it hasn't been longer than that at this point. All the while I am the one staying home with the children 24/7 because childcare was too expensive. That was the compromise we made when we made the decision to have children, that one of us would stay home with them as long as we can. I work my butt off for my kids and for him. Because he is gone so much ALL of the household duties fall on me. I've made it very easy for him. He can come and go as he pleases because he KNOWS I'm a good mother and I am ALWAYS here for the kids. How was I supposed to know that some woman would come along and make him think being a SAHM is not good enough for him? How was I supposed to know that after being married so long he would become so angry that I cannot even talk to him about basic emotions, or anything that may be bothering me? Should I get my fair share out of the divorce? HELL YES. I may not have been bringing in a paycheck all these years, but this household would have fallen apart without me, and that goes beyond just making sure everyone has clean underwear to wear. Does he know my kids' schedules? No, I do. Does he know how to help my son, who has a learning disorder, in the right way with his homework? No, I do. He should make an effort to be more involved with the kids. Being physically present is not enough. Does he even know the name of my son's first grade teacher? No, he doesn't. Criticize me all you want, I'm tough and I can take it. Maybe you've been burned before too. I can tell you after this it will be a long time before I can trust someone again. Just know, that despite it all, I have my children's best interest at heart. They are my entire life, and that, my friends, is why I am so worried about the financial situation. If I must resort to welfare for a short-term answer then I will. THAT is what it was developed for. Will I live off of it for years and use it as an excuse to be lazy and stay home with the kids? HELL NO. I will work my butt off to provide for myself. I have been independent before, just because I was a devoted wife and mother does not make me a bad person. PS...I thought spouses were SUPPOSED to be devoted....only it's supposed to go both ways.
You go girl!! I had the feeling that you would get your dander up and I like seeing this fight in you...it is a tough situation you are in but you can do this. Don't let the bickering back and forth on here get you down...I already spoke up on your behalf because I have been exactly where you are and it wasn't easy but I did it...alone and with only $50.00 a week for child support WHEN he remembered to send it. Spouses ARE suppose to be devoted and you are right to each other.....not a one sided deal at all. It is either mutual respect and support or it doesn't fly...right?
Look, I know it is early now and your feelings and emotions are going in six different directions; but don't let this one episode sour you from ever loving someone again. I have been married 3 times...I know...GOOD GRIEF! My first husband was a total jerk...read some of my posts...he is still a big nit wit. My second husband died only after a year of marriage and I am now married to a great guy who is not only the best husband in the world, he is also 10 years younger than me!! Every person who enters your life and falls in love with you, takes a little piece of your heart. I envision my heart as being full with the love of more than one person tucked away in there and lots of room for more so don't ever give up.
Keep that dander up and push forward with what you have to do....you can do this, I just know it!!
Let me make this real clear: if you don't get a job soon, you run a very real risk of losing your kids.....If you don't understand that, then I can only declare this to be a lost cause.
What? Because she doesn't have a job she runs a risk of losing her kids? Where on earth do you get your information? Although divorce laws vary from state to state, Texas is certainly not THAT backward in regard to its divorce laws.
What? Because she doesn't have a job she runs a risk of losing her kids? Where on earth do you get your information? Although divorce laws vary from state to state, Texas is certainly not THAT backward in regard to its divorce laws.
From case law, CA. I got that information from case law. If you don't have a job and live in poverty, you run the risk of losing your kids, especially if your ex remarries and can provide a much more comfortable environment for the children. It's not about fairness to either parent, it's about what's in the best interest of the child -- remember?
From case law, CA. I got that information from case law. If you don't have a job and live in poverty, you run the risk of losing your kids, especially if your ex remarries and can provide a much more comfortable environment for the children. It's not about fairness to either parent, it's about what's in the best interest of the child -- remember?
But for pete's sake, SHE'S GOING TO GET A JOB. Why in the world did you assume she'd WANT to live in poverty??? Your "information" is more about welfare mothers, not someone like dlong
But for pete's sake, I didn't say she wasn't going to get a job. Of course, being the horrible monster and drowner of innocent puppies that I am, I had the temerity to encourage her to become self-sufficient instead of looking to her ex or her relatives for support -- guilty as charged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Why in the world did you assume she'd WANT to live in poverty???
Kindly quote the language where you claim I am assuming she'd WANT to live in poverty. Of course, no one WANTS to live in poverty, unless they are Diogenes -- but it's not my fault that it just so happens that if you are not independently wealthy and have no skills, the likelihood is high that you are going to be poor. Bash me all you want, I didn't make the world that way. Next I predict you'll accuse me of WANTING the OP to be poor. So let's cut through the BS and go to the heart of the matter. My advice to the OP boils down to this: get marketable skills, get a job, work towards financial independence, and don't expect the courts to make the ex support you, because the law does not furnish a basis for making him support you, regardless of fault. LIKE IT OR NOT, RIGHT OR WRONG, THAT'S WHAT THE LAW IS. (One of the most horrendously exasperating things about many non-lawyers is that they are simply incapable of understanding that what they think the law should be isn't the same as what the law IS.) Please point out which part of my advice you believe to me unrealistic, impractical or unfair. Much obliged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Your "information" is more about welfare mothers, not someone like dlong
My information is about housewives who have no education or skills and who hope against all fact and against the state of the law (which I didn't enact, by the way) that there is a way to get the ex to support them in perpetuity. And I find it funny that you put quotes on "information" -- I take it in your view the law is the wrong source for learning about the law. A paradox, if you ask me, but what do I know.
My information is about housewives who have no education or skills and who hope against all fact and against the state of the law (which I didn't enact, by the way) that there is a way to get the ex to support them in perpetuity. And I find it funny that you put quotes on "information" -- I take it the law is the wrong source for learning about the law. A paradox, if you ask me, but what do I know.[/quote]
Did you miss the part of the conversation where she explains being college educated and having worked previously making a nice living before she became a "housewife" - which by the way, nice attempt to be condesending - no one calls them "housewives" anymore. She was a HOMEMAKER, a STAY AT HOME MOM.
I got that information from case law. If you don't have a job and live in poverty, you run the risk of losing your kids.....It's not about fairness to either parent, it's about what's in the best interest of the child -- remember?
Did you miss the part of the conversation where she explains being college educated and having worked previously making a nice living before she became a "housewife" - which by the way, nice attempt to be condesending - no one calls them "housewives" anymore. She was a HOMEMAKER, a STAY AT HOME MOM.
Oh, but you WEREN'T condescending? Haha! Well, of course you managed to stay "politically correct", and so I understand that as long as political correctness is observed, YOU can be as condescending as you want. Come to think of it, however, if you want to be even more politically correct, you should realize just how horribly inaccurate and deeply insulting terms like "homemaker" and "stay at home mom" are. She was a DOMESTIC ENGINEER, a SPOUSAL AND PARENTING SCIENTIST (SAPS).
And I did not miss that part of the conversation about being college-educated and having had a career -- I just found it strange. If she is a young, educated woman with substantial experience, then why is it so crucial to get alimony? She wouldn't be the first single parent who has to work outside the home, would she?
"Not always" does not equal "never", "not a factor" or "not important". It IS a factor, even if it's not THE DISPOSITIVE one -- and obviously, the greater the difference between the financial stability of the two parties, the more influence it has over the outcome of the custody proceeding.
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