I lost custody... It's official, I'm depressed... lol (TwinkleToes) (date, marrying, girl)

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by Redisca

*Shrug* It takes a little more to offend me, ciby. Hey, at least I don't bore you with personal tales of woe.

God forbid you be bored bi my troubles in a RELATIONSHIP forum, Red.

I had no idea this thread was here for your entertainement.

Allow me to do a soft shoe for ya.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by canibeyou

Not trying to be offensive. Not my style. But thanks for the assumption. Always love assumptions.

Just letting you know how it feels.

You try and make a statement (as do others that go out of their way to post) and your response is a yawn in their face. Mature and educated all at the same time. Lovely.

And thinking people are boring you... leads back to the question first posed... if it's so boring for you... than why are you here?

My point exactly.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by Chickenboy

Ted. I am not yawning for sure. This is serious business here. It seems the "court of public opinion" has swayed well to the female side in terms of favorable treatment in divorce. I have heard many stories about ugly divorces and what led up to them. It seems, from this relatively small sample that men tend to get the short end more often than not. If she claims abuse, that's often enough for the police to take the man into custody even lacking hard evidence. Anyway, there are laws against physical abuse. What about mental abuse? With the exception of extreme abuse, women seem to have perfected psychological warfare.

Good luck with your scenario. I sure don't envy you.

And why are more and more men questioning the supposed merits of marriage? Why indeed. There's nothing wrong with asking "what's in it for me?" It's your life after all. And if you see the apparent potential costs outweighing the benefits, then by all means, marriage may not be for you.

In the best of cases, marriage is tough. When individuals lack character, it has the potential to be a huge mess.

You said that so well, CB... yes, there is a serious problem with the system which she exploited and manipulated to perfection. The problem is my judge had no family superior court experience - he is a fresh new judge who was just moved up from civil/justice court and is a former-legislator. Oh my Lord... no wonder. After 15 months of all the legal-wrangling, I was given 1 hour and 15 minutes to present my case... half of which was spent with her arguing over how much money I made or whether or not to release my therapy records or have my therapist testify as a hostile witness. She told me when I began filing it was the best thing I could have done... she was elated for me to be out of that marriage. My wife, however, beat me to the punch and had me served three days earlier and I was kicked out of my house without my personal belongings and my business equipment and supplies even. It took two months and several motions for me to get those things back... crippling my business. She had the gall to say I held up the process, so I got socked FIFTY-plus grand in her attorney's fees.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by kygman

Might check with your lawyer, but in some states, at 12 years of age the child can choose which parent they want to live with. I know some families who have gone through that.

Not here, it seems. He felt so disenfranchised bi all of this.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by IHOP

Ted,
I have never been through a divorce, but I have/am making my way through the courts over other legal matters in a similar situation... a bit of advice, get the absolute best lawyer money can buy. Go deep into debt if necessary. When it comes to appeals, make sure that your lawyer has appellate experience. If necessary, get someone who specifically handles appeals. Do everything within your power and that legal, moral and ethical to win this and take care of your son. Go to the mattresses. You can be a "good guy" without being a push-over. Just my two cents. I pray that God's will be done and that you all find peace in this matter. So heart-breaking.

That was a great post, IHOP... thanks... and the prayers are as good as the advice... I'll never turn down prayer. God's will was definitely not done, because now my son cannot go worship at church other than every other week at best.

As far as the attorney, I'm going to the top... where I should have gone all along. I chose my buddy's attorney, because he raved about her... she blew it... my mom was there due to her financial involvement floating (pardon the pun) my wife's business. She said my attorney dropped the ball in trial badly... as well her advice for me not to appeal the OOP from well over a year ago. That hurt me big time... as did not time on the clock left to re-cross her for lying... we got out only one of her dozens of lies... obviously, the judge thought nothing of my wife feining memory loss over her cold-cocking my daughter in the face on Christmas Eve over a year ago.

[orangeapple]

So wait - you're always 100% the victim?
You were the victim with your wife, your daughter, and the woman you dated upon separating from your wife?
I have to agree....that is fishy. Every time you describe something you did wrong or a bad decision you made, it was still someone else's fault - your wife made you "the fly to the spider", etc.

I also have to agree that your attitude towards your daughter is scary. Maybe she has acted out very badly, but she's a young, impressionable, teenage girl who is hurting because her parents just split. Of course her mom is feeding her BS....but who is protecting her right now (from her perspective)? Her mom, and so of course she has sided with her.
She's still your child (she's not the mini version of your ex wife) - but you don't have any natural, parental affection for her? You're so concerned about your son and yet you seem to care nothing about your daughter's home life. I'm sure she picks up on that, and it's part of why she so greatly resents you now.

[temptation001]

I hope your son is with whichever parent makes him happiest. In the mean time, tell him that if things get violent at home, that he should call the cops and file a report. If he is really that miserable living with his mom, maybe he can gather some evidence of how quarrelsome it is at home. Buying him a digital camera to record any violent outbursts might give you the lead you need.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Unfortunately, the courts have to pick what's best for a child in a divorce and, most likely, one parent will have, significantly, less time with the kids than the other. The fact they didn't pick one parent doesn't mean they're a bad parent. It just means the court felt the children were better off with the other parent.

Hi Ivory, yes, but everyone knows, most courts lean towards the mother's. I mean, even when it comes to child support, they (the courts allow the mother's to go back again and again to up the support. Now I understand that children have to be taken care of, but some of the child supports are outrageous. But that's a different thread. Anyway, the courts do lean towards the mother in most cases, and if they don't the father had to move mountains to get the courts to understand that the mother is in fact not a good parent.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by TednGilbertAZ

You said that so well, CB... yes, there is a serious problem with the system which she exploited and manipulated to perfection. The problem is my judge had no family superior court experience - he is a fresh new judge who was just moved up from civil/justice court and is a former-legislator. Oh my Lord... no wonder. After 15 months of all the legal-wrangling, I was given 1 hour and 15 minutes to present my case... half of which was spent with her arguing over how much money I made or whether or not to release my therapy records or have my therapist testify as a hostile witness. She told me when I began filing it was the best thing I could have done... she was elated for me to be out of that marriage. My wife, however, beat me to the punch and had me served three days earlier and I was kicked out of my house without my personal belongings and my business equipment and supplies even. It took two months and several motions for me to get those things back... crippling my business. She had the gall to say I held up the process, so I got socked FIFTY-plus grand in her attorney's fees.

so, take your time, calm down, get your son going to a counselor when he is with you, and get all the paper work on her you can, documentation...then go back to court, have your attorney request that the judge appoint a counselor that your boy can go speak with, and fight her again. Don't do anything wrong...be nice to her, no matter how she pushes your buttons. Do this for your son.

[Chickenboy]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Another pearl of wisdom from the peanut gallery

Hey. Peanuts have feelings, and opinions, too!