I lost custody... It's official, I'm depressed... lol (TwinkleToes)

[Chickenboy]

Marriage. Lots being said about the sanctity of it. Really? Are we referring to some nostalgic period (the 1950's or something)? We are all suffering from selective memory regarding many things including marriage. Back then, when there were problems, people didn't talk about it. They just kept up the good face and perhaps became closet alcoholics trying to bury the pain of ill formed unions. Often, the church was a force that held the marriage together and many people didn't divorce because of the public stigmas (bastard children, alientated divorcees etc.). Perhaps they stayed married because of their faith and for many due to plain guilt. We still hear people saying they stayed together for the children as if modelling some type of disfunctional relationship helped the children.

Not so long ago in the "good, old days", women were basically property. In some cultures killed for looking at another man. Even today extremists in Afghanistan are trying to make it a law that women must have sex every X amount of days. Sanctity my butt. Now the pendulum has swayed way over to the female's side. It's time for it to settle in the middle where it belongs.

If we take away religion, marriage is merely a business arrangement that provides some security that a person not formally making their own living (housewife and in some cases a house husband), would otherwise not have. Do you need it to have children? No. Do you need it for companionship? No. Does it guarantee anything? No. Perhaps the only guarantee is the possibility of an ugly divorce (the lawyers are salivating...) should the marriage fail. And do they fail? Yes. At around 50 to 60%. Why do they fail? So many reasons. Finance...fidelity...boredom...difficulty...Hey just trying to reconcile the feminine with the masculine is a monumental task...

Ted. Ultimately you are free. In the long run, you all will be better off. Be careful if ever faced with the choice of marrying again. I'm not saying don't do it but...

[nitokenshi]

damn you twinkle toes!

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

So wait - you're always 100% the victim?
You were the victim with your wife, your daughter, and the woman you dated upon separating from your wife?
I have to agree....that is fishy. Every time you describe something you did wrong or a bad decision you made, it was still someone else's fault - your wife made you "the fly to the spider", etc.

Wow, what a way to wake up and read this... [takes a deep breath] ok, OA... firstly... the 'spider to the fly' comment was regarding the psycho-woman from my old church. Yes, you can ask anyone who knows me... and I can give you their social net account to do so privately or simply become my MS or FB friend and ask them yourself... I was clearly the victim in that whole ordeal, albeit I was at fault for allowing her into my life in the first place. I posted I was a victim out of my own consequences of making bad choices, but I was not thinking right then... and, unbeknownst to me, I was still in an abusive relationship, even though I was leaving it when I met this majorly-disturbed golddigging woman. It was not until after all that fell apart and I hit complete bottom, that I realized how I was so completely spun (as were many at our church) bi her and played to perfection. Again, I thank God for His intervention... if not for that premonition, God knows what could've happened.

Originally Posted by orangeapple

I also have to agree that your attitude towards your daughter is scary. Maybe she has acted out very badly, but she's a young, impressionable, teenage girl who is hurting because her parents just split. Of course her mom is feeding her BS....but who is protecting her right now (from her perspective)? Her mom, and so of course she has sided with her.
She's still your child (she's not the mini version of your ex wife) - but you don't have any natural, parental affection for her? You're so concerned about your son and yet you seem to care nothing about your daughter's home life. I'm sure she picks up on that, and it's part of why she so greatly resents you now.

Well, let's see... it would look scary from the outside looking in, however, if you've seen how she is towards me, you'd understand. As long as she either gets money or gets her way, otherwise, she is saccharin-sweet to me, clearly fake and temporarily nice, but as soon as I act in any way, shape or form as the parent, all hell breaks loose. She destroys my property... on Saturday, she bashed in my headlight with her foot right before her mom picked her up.

She verbally abuses me using the exact same phraseology and words her mother did/does... "A$$HOLE," "loser," "f--king idiot," saying things like "who'd want to ever date YOU?," "you're so G-d D--mned ugly," "horrible father" and well, you name it.

She throws food on my floor, disobeys my rules about food in her bedroom, smuggles in sugar candy, eats any/everything I have sugar while here in hopes of going into a sugar high creating total chaos and stress, drinks my Coke which I do not allow kids to have (caffeine and sugar are like gasoline to her blow torch), breaks into my bedroom and snoops (I had to put keyed locks on the door), slams doors, excites my youngest special needs son to get him reiled up creating more pandemonium and even teaches him to say bad words that he now uses at his scohol.

She hits me on the back of my head as she passes behind me on the couch, bumps into me and knocks things out of my hands saying "oops" plus doing the same thing to TA, her middle brother who lived with me, she talks loudly and yells, changes channels of my TV in the middle of a show we're watching, pulls out DVDs bi sliding them out of the tray, so 'accidentaly' scratching them, threatens to beat up my son (on one occasion she took her large metal makeup case and threatened to bash his face in which brought in police), leaves makeup, toothpaste and a total mess in the bathroom making for an hours worth of cleaning after she leaves her two days 'serving here' as she calls it, steals my son's things and locks her door, jumps out her window and runs away... you name it.

Also, on Saturday, after I grabbed my son's iPod dock she was using to annoy me bi playing music loudly she knew I did not like, I took it back to my son's room where she had stolen it out of (she has no respect for others' space) and while in his room, from behind, she took a towel and struck me in the right eye/ear (and it hurt like hell) before she got picked up fully knowing I was stressed getting ready for my wedding ceremony/reception DJ gig outside of town. She lived with that, so she knows how I get when it is time to pack up and make sure I have all I need to the job, so she made it as stressful as possible for me not to think clearly. So, yeah... I was in pain... and very angry at her... who would not be? Did I abuse her? No. Did I hit her? I wanted to, but no... I have way more self-contol than that. So, yeah... I'd call myself the victim. LOL

My daughter is LOST to me, OA... it is not that I don't care... I've just given up. I went to therapy with her starting January as was ordered in our initial 'settlement' but as soon as she turned 16 in early March, her mom said she's 16 now and is stressed not wanting me to be there, so no more dad at her therapy sessions. Well, that was what my wife put down in the first place... for her daughter to have a better relationship with her father... but she never meant that... she just did that to make herself look good and then took me out of the equation to make me look bad. It worked... I was out of my daughter's life now... and of course, my daughter has quit therapy and my wife won't take her. So, six sessions and it was over as fast as it began... and my daughter totally manipulated this unssuspecting therapist who said "she is just a teenager like any other" LOL. Yeah, right. She buddied up to the therapist when I was there, but as soon as she was gone, she bad-mouthed her so bad. I'm sorry, but my daughter is a 'bad seed' I fear. See that movie, "The Bad Seed" and you'll understand - she manipulates everything and everyone for her narccisstic needs. She told me that in school, they saw the film "Holocaust" and thought it was 'cool' so she is signing up for a class on the holocaust next year since it won't be boring. You tell me I'm exaggerating.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by temptation001

I hope your son is with whichever parent makes him happiest. In the mean time, tell him that if things get violent at home, that he should call the cops and file a report. If he is really that miserable living with his mom, maybe he can gather some evidence of how quarrelsome it is at home. Buying him a digital camera to record any violent outbursts might give you the lead you need.

That's just it, tempt... he is not doing that. He was never happier or more at peace, let alone, doing as well in school, than he was with me. He said he hates his mom for using him like this... it's all about money, spite and control and he knows it... they do nothing together. She hates everything he likes as she hated those things with me. She even tries to 'insult' him bi calling him "Little Ted" which he takes as a compliment, although he knows she's mocking me. They have nothing in common. His unread letter to the judge pointed that out... he is so frustrated... as am I. She KNOWS he was happier with me, but she has NEVER cared about our kids' feelings... only her own... if she did, why would she abuse me so much in front of them and threaten in front of them to reveal personal secrets about me? She actually started to tell them I was bisexual one day if I would not back down from a position I was taking on an issue she wanted control of... she blackmailed me constantly those last few weeks there. She made several snide remarks and innuendo... I think my daughter caught on... not sure. Ironic, because my ex-wife has been lesbo for several years, it seems.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

so, take your time, calm down, get your son going to a counselor when he is with you, and get all the paper work on her you can, documentation...then go back to court, have your attorney request that the judge appoint a counselor that your boy can go speak with, and fight her again. Don't do anything wrong...be nice to her, no matter how she pushes your buttons. Do this for your son.

I honestly wish she were hit bi a Mack truck right now, Crem... and that is not like me to hate, but that is how I feel. I'm getting a new attorney... I'm going to the top... friend of our family from way back... just mention his name anywhere in AZ and everyone knows him... he essentially wrote divorce law for this state. Hopefully, he will have a good recommendation... my attorney fizzled. I cannot be nice to the person who is once again in control of me... I thought I'd escaped that abusive control - and now, it is worse... because I do not even have my kids. I'm so lonely here now... was not prepared for this outcome... they demonstrated no reason for him to be removed from here after 15 months. I so feel for him. He must feel so betrayed.

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

Hi Ivory, yes, but everyone knows, most courts lean towards the mother's. I mean, even when it comes to child support, they (the courts allow the mother's to go back again and again to up the support. Now I understand that children have to be taken care of, but some of the child supports are outrageous. But that's a different thread. Anyway, the courts do lean towards the mother in most cases, and if they don't the father had to move mountains to get the courts to understand that the mother is in fact not a good parent.

My attorney did not even move an anthill, Crem... so disappointed in her. She came highly recommended, but in court, had no passion and seemed as if she really did not care if I won custody and Trev continued to live here happily in peace.

[MonaLisaVito]

Gosh, how come Twinkle Toes gets her name in the title --- hmmmmphhh

[Connecticut Pam]

Originally Posted by TednGilbertAZ

Congrats, TwinkleToes... I am now DEPRESSED... you were right... albeit a few days ahead of time.I am now officially depressed... however, for ONE day... lol - then, I fight back. Today starts the new custody cycle. On Friday, after over 14 months of legal wrangling, nasty insults, spying, subpoenas of my counseling records, false allegations, manipulation of my pathologically-lying daughter, wife's perjury in court... abusing the legal process, court time and justice system... I became officially divorced and lost custody of my 12 yr. old son whom I had primary of for the past 16 months. His blissful refuge is no more. He is now an A+ honors student since weeks after leaving the hell mansion (he never had higher than B- average before), made the Principal's list for the first time ever, made Honor Roll, Academic Night Award and tomorrow, gets inducted into the NJHS... National Junior Honors Society. He improved so much since leaving his mother with me voluntarily when I left her. His teachers he had for two years in sixth grade last year said they'd never seen such a dramatic change for the better in him... more outgoing, more relaxed, more smiles, more attentive, more at ease and self-confident... just all-around happier. He found peace, he found escape from persecution, he found God, he found unconditional love, he found forgiveness... he found himself. Now, he feels lost... and axious... going back to the hell mansion... going back to turmoil, chaos and disrespect. I hurt for him... I lost, she won. I told the truth to a fault... she lied her fat butt off... perjured herself before God and the judge. I will get him back where he wants to be... away from all the evil anti-God/anti-church, anti-Ted, anti-respect, anti-discipline, anti-love, anti-non-abusive house that he left. However, I will do so with my self-respect, honor and dignity intact. I will not sink to her level, but I will do whatever it takes for him to live where he wants. He said this was THE best year of his life... and well, it was mine as well... in spite of all his mom's interference and sister's violent disrepect and abuse towards both of us. So, today... I lick my wounds in defeat and feel sorry for myself and become depressed for one day... tomorrow, I make plans for the appeal... I strike back with a vengance, a zest, a passion, a hunger, a thirst for righteousness... to return my son back where he belongs... where his heart truly is... here... home.

Can't children decide which parent they want to live with at age 12? I thought that was the "secret number"...no? I am so sorry this didn't turn out the way you wanted it to but I do think that there is definitely an age when the child can decide who he wants to be with. God, I hate divorces and child custody stuff, someone always gets hurt and this time it was someone who didn't deserve it.

Don't give up.....stay in touch with your son and work on getting him back with you. I am just puzzled as to why his Mom got him over you? Some courts are just so totally for the Mom without even taking good look at the Dad, the Mom gets custody. I got custody of my son years ago but his Dad was a drug dealing, beer drinking idiot and I hired his attorney to represent me so I had plenty of evidence as to how bad he really was/is.

Better days are coming I am sure!

[The Man in SATX]

Originally Posted by Redisca

*Shrug* It takes a little more to offend me, ciby. Hey, at least I don't bore you with personal tales of woe.

Probably not with your tales of woe.. but your way of trying to beat someone who is already on the ground with a stick.. you almost sound like one of those good cops who likes to beat people.. but hey.. just my opinion..

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

Hi Ivory, yes, but everyone knows, most courts lean towards the mother's. I mean, even when it comes to child support, they (the courts allow the mother's to go back again and again to up the support. Now I understand that children have to be taken care of, but some of the child supports are outrageous. But that's a different thread. Anyway, the courts do lean towards the mother in most cases, and if they don't the father had to move mountains to get the courts to understand that the mother is in fact not a good parent.

I don't know whether they do or they don't, in general, but this is what my lawyer told me. He told me that if I had lived in a particular county north of us, I would have been awarded, automatic, custody simply because I did the most for the kids. The court there leaves the kids with the parent who does the most for them. My county, however, favors the father. They're really big on father's rights. In the eyes of the court, if dad shows up for the hearing he's a saint. Which probably has something to do with the fact a high percentage don't.

My lawyer said that the children usually go to the mother because that's the way most couples want it or the father simply doesn't want to be involved. Apparently, here, 95% of custody arrangements are agreed to by the parents. And yes, if the mother has the kids, she can go back for child support adjustments.