Please, help: Should I call it off with this guy who only texts? (date, how to)

[Joei]

Ok, for those of you on plenty of fish, I have a question. I tried looking on their forum for it, but couldnt see anything specific enough. Then, I registered a profile because I dont use that site, but I read the forums. I have to wait 3 days to post the forum, but I need an answer now!

Ok...I have met this guy twice now. He messaged me first. He's definently into me and basically gives me whatever I want when we are together. For example, when we go out he always puts the ball in my court about where to go, what to do, what movie I want to see etc...

Here's the problem. And its annoying the **** out of me. We havent seen each other in 4 weekends! The 1st weekend I had to cancel. The 2nd weekend he told me he had to attend a anniversary. The 3rd weekend he makes another excuse that he has to work out of town. Today, he didnt even give me any excuse because I didnt even bother to ask.

Now, before you say 'not interested'...which is whats so damn confusing is he texts me nearly everyday. He also cancelled between our 1st and 2nd date cause he had to work that weekend. But we seen each other again after that. I was about to break it off with him after last weekend when he texts me after 4 days to say he's back in town. I didnt respond. He then texted me again that night and again the next morning.

Obviously he's thinking about me enough to always text but I dont know whats going on. I havent asked him cause I dont want to come off 'needy' but after this weekend I will 'cause its annoying what he's doing. Im about to say Im not interested anymore cause he wont make time.

Tonight, he texts me to only say 'goodnight' but we didnt even see each other (its Saturday!) I didnt respond as I was about to say something really mean, but I had to hold back because he may be going thru something. Should I bark at him, what should I say? Should I just leave quietly? Part of me just wants to walk away but another part is saying be patient.

[onegreatnurse]

Walk away...I'm going to be doing the same thing myself for the same reason....I know it sucks but just do it. Don't say anything, just don't respond anymore. Eventually he'll just stop texting you. A guy who's really that interested would pick up the phone and actually try to call you. I'm going through the same thing now and we're down to e-mails. Starting tomorrow, I'm not responding to those anymore. He doesn't even bother texting me. It's hard, but has to be done.

[Joei]

but why does he do this if he's not able to meet then why wont he just stop texting me? Its just so frustrating. Is there any reason why someone would do that?

[shania]

I'm only guessing but maybe he's seeing someone else as well, and trying to keep you hooked as a possible backup? Texting doesn't take much time, and he could even be doing it while on a date with someone else.

[crossing over]

My guess is he's handling other women as well at the moment, who require some of his time. Or could even be a serious relationship, in which it is difficult to find excuses about not being there on weekends. 'Honey, I'm not gonna be here this weekend, there's this gal I met on plentyoffish I need to attend to'.

And even if that's not the case and there is something else going on, he's not a straightforward guy and has a secondary agenda (even worse, a primary agenda, which makes you the secondary one).

And thirdly, you settling for some text messages just doesn't look good for you. If you swallow that, your image in his eyes is not complimenting you and his subsequent behaviour towards you will reflect that.

When in doubt, always trust what a man does (vs. what he sais).

[Connecticut Pam]

Originally Posted by Joei

Ok, for those of you on plenty of fish, I have a question. I tried looking on their forum for it, but couldnt see anything specific enough. Then, I registered a profile because I dont use that site, but I read the forums. I have to wait 3 days to post the forum, but I need an answer now!Ok...I have met this guy twice now. He messaged me first. He's definently into me and basically gives me whatever I want when we are together. For example, when we go out he always puts the ball in my court about where to go, what to do, what movie I want to see etc...
Here's the problem. And its annoying the **** out of me. We havent seen each other in 4 weekends! The 1st weekend I had to cancel. The 2nd weekend he told me he had to attend a anniversary. The 3rd weekend he makes another excuse that he has to work out of town. Today, he didnt even give me any excuse because I didnt even bother to ask.
Now, before you say 'not interested'...which is whats so damn confusing is he texts me nearly everyday. He also cancelled between our 1st and 2nd date cause he had to work that weekend. But we seen each other again after that. I was about to break it off with him after last weekend when he texts me after 4 days to say he's back in town. I didnt respond. He then texted me again that night and again the next morning. Obviously he's thinking about me enough to always text but I dont know whats going on. I havent asked him cause I dont want to come off 'needy' but after this weekend I will 'cause its annoying what he's doing. Im about to say Im not interested anymore cause he wont make time.Tonight, he texts me to only say 'goodnight' but we didnt even see each other (its Saturday!) I didnt respond as I was about to say something really mean, but I had to hold back because he may be going thru something. Should I bark at him, what should I say? Should I just leave quietly? Part of me just wants to walk away but another part is saying be patient.

Is there a chance this guy who is texting you is from the New Haven, CT area? My niece dated someone identical to this guy with all the texting, canceling dates, working weekends...blah, blah, blah...exact same scenario. He came on like gangbusters in the beginning of the relationship then gradually he bowed out with all kinds of excuses and finally ended it with her via text mail..coward.

My suggestion to you is go find someone who knows how to use a land line, can talk with you in person, doesn't break dates, and has a real good excuse for not spending time with you. I suspect that this guy like the one my niece was seeing probably has another woman on the hook. Her guy would only see her through the week and then was non-existent on weekends. For a while she bought that he was working but finally understood that she was just his weekly booty call...sad that there are some guys out there like this.

Anyhow, run from this guy as fast as you can...my niece now has someone nice to date, someone who calls her and talk in person, they go do fun stuff and she is not his weekly booty call. RUN!

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by Joei

but why does he do this if he's not able to meet then why wont he just stop texting me? Its just so frustrating. Is there any reason why someone would do that?

Tell him that. Tell him if doesn't have time to see you, you don't want to hear from him. It's perfectly okay to decide what your limits are and make him respect them. You do not have to let him dictate the relationship. He's trying to see how far he can push you. If you let him put you on the backburner from the beginning, that's where you'll stay.

[MMichelle]

I agree with the other posts - he is seeing someone else and wants to keep you on the string. If we are right he is "keeping his options open" and you should too.

Your choice is to-
Accept it for what it is, as it is.
Discuss it with him. Ask him if he is seeing others - start the conversation.
Walk away.

Good luck & take care of yourself.

[ChessieMom]

Personally, I wouldn't even bother asking the guy anything. It's painfully obvious that he is simply trying to keep you on a string. At this point, who gives a crap about WHY.

Text him back this, and be done with it:

I'm deleting your number, please do the same.
R E S P E C T - Look it up.

[TKramar]

Some people don't like talking on the phone. Some people don't feel the need to call for a one or two sentence message.