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This is kind of a weird situation...
I am about to have a baby.A few months ago I met someone at work...who was just absolutely terrific.I asked this guy to be the godfather of the baby and he agreed wholeheartedly.Said he was honored that I asked him.At that time he had a girlfriend which was not a big deal to me because we were just friends. One day he drove me home from work and we sat and chatted for hours upon hours..About any and everything one could imagine.Now at that time he brought up the fact that he was having problems with his girlfriend.She was fighting with him in front of his child...hitting him and throwing things at him and whatnot.he asked me what he should do.My opinion was that he should do what was going to make him and his child the happiest.If that meant being with her then by all means...if it meant not being with her...then breaking up with her.
That evening upon thinking about everything we had talked about, he decided to break up with her and so he moved out.
This girl at work blamed me.which is fine..although I really told him to do what he felt was the best thing.
We started to hang out a little bit more and then we seemed to develop this emotional and physical connection.and he told me that he was starting to fall in love with me and it scared him..So we made love for one night... and then afterward he began to cry and say that he felt that I was a dangerous person.I asked him what he meant by that...and he said he couldn't explain it..he drove me home... and since that time we have not been alone together for more than a few minutes.
Now in the meantime this girl that he had broken up with came and claimed that she was pregnant..which i know alot of girls do to hold onto a man.So since that time he has been avoiding me.the one time i got him alone...he stated that he wasn't sure if he could just be friends with me, because of the way he felt.But he also stated that he wanted to still be the godfather of the baby.Now I am not sure what to do about the godfather thing.I know that this girl who claims she is pregnant, blames me.so if he is with her, how is he going to be able to be there for my daughter were something to happen to me?Really need to understand this situation as I want the best for my baby.
Last edited by 2goldens; 05-14-2009 at 05:20 PM..
Reason: Followed from the BLOGS- Moved from Minn. to Relationships.
Every decision you are making right now seems to be a forever decision. I understand, but right now you have to decide that it is your baby and the both of you are going to make a great life for yourselves together no matter what happens.
Forget the godfather thing. It's purely ceremonial. People change, grow apart, and never see each other again. The only thing you have is yourself and your baby. You have each other.
Plus being a godfather is not a legal binding contract...it just like Kuan said ceremonial. Honestly, I think you just need to direct all your attention on your new baby. Do you have family you can lean on? In my opinion, and it's just that, I wouldn't be getting involved with someone right now..good luck...maybe posting this in the relationship area might get more responses!
This is kind of a weird situation...
I am about to have a baby.A few months ago I met someone at work...who was just absolutely terrific.I asked this guy to be the godfather of the baby and he agreed wholeheartedly.Said he was honored that I asked him.At that time he had a girlfriend which was not a big deal to me because we were just friends. One day he drove me home from work and we sat and chatted for hours upon hours..About any and everything one could imagine.Now at that time he brought up the fact that he was having problems with his girlfriend.She was fighting with him in front of his child...hitting him and throwing things at him and whatnot.he asked me what he should do.My opinion was that he should do what was going to make him and his child the happiest.If that meant being with her then by all means...if it meant not being with her...then breaking up with her.
That evening upon thinking about everything we had talked about, he decided to break up with her and so he moved out.
This girl at work blamed me.which is fine..although I really told him to do what he felt was the best thing.
We started to hang out a little bit more and then we seemed to develop this emotional and physical connection.and he told me that he was starting to fall in love with me and it scared him..So we made love for one night... and then afterward he began to cry and say that he felt that I was a dangerous person.I asked him what he meant by that...and he said he couldn't explain it..he drove me home... and since that time we have not been alone together for more than a few minutes.
Now in the meantime this girl that he had broken up with came and claimed that she was pregnant..which i know alot of girls do to hold onto a man.So since that time he has been avoiding me.the one time i got him alone...he stated that he wasn't sure if he could just be friends with me, because of the way he felt.But he also stated that he wanted to still be the godfather of the baby.Now I am not sure what to do about the godfather thing.I know that this girl who claims she is pregnant, blames me.so if he is with her, how is he going to be able to be there for my daughter were something to happen to me?Really need to understand this situation as I want the best for my baby.
I don't want to sound harsh, but you really need to understand how to build stable relationships. Have the baby, and don't worry about men for awhile until you figure out how to have a healthy relationship. I believe you probably need some help in that department.
Any dude that is not scared to death of getting involved with a pregnant woman when he is not the father is wacked in the head. Particularly true if he has impregnated somebody else. Perhaps he does care for you, but you are not in a great spot to be starting new relationships.
The last thing you need to do is worry about this guy being the godparent. It is more than likely a twisted way for you to hang onto someone that is telling you they won't be there for you. If he can't be there for you, he can't be there for your child either.
The best godparents are family members or close lifelong friends as they normally don't leave your life and they are most likely to have the same religion, background and lifestyle as you. Relatives also make the best legal guardians for the same resasons. A godparent's main role is to see that the child gets to church, sunday school, is taught proper morals, etc if something happens to the parents.
I think you're confusing the roles of legal guardian & godparent, but there's no way I'd ever consider a friend from work for either role, unless you had been friends for many many years and had children of similar ages....then they might be OK as LG, but I'd sure ask members of my own family first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kuan
Every decision you are making right now seems to be a forever decision. I understand, but right now you have to decide that it is your baby and the both of you are going to make a great life for yourselves together no matter what happens.
Forget the godfather thing. It's purely ceremonial. People change, grow apart, and never see each other again. The only thing you have is yourself and your baby. You have each other.
Why don't you wait until later to determine a godfather for the baby? It surely doesn't have to be done before or right after the baby's birth, regardless of tradition. Wait until you have a stable male friend or relative to name as one. Then you can feel good about it. And it's not the end of the world if the baby never has a godfather. If you have someone to name as the godmother, that may be enough in and of itself.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
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First of all, I can't understand having someone whom you've only known a few months be god father to your child. That's scary to me.
Second, from where I'm standing, it appears this guy got what he wanted and is now giving you a line of bs to get out of seeing you anymore. Even if he's not, he doesn't sound very well-rounded, emotionally. I'd be cutting my losses and moving on. I don't know why people become attached to dysfunctionalism and so damn quickly.
Ok, you're pregnant and not married. Your family is all mentally ill. You're still sleeping around.
Who's going to be the baby's Godfather is so unimportant it's not even on the radar.
Since Godparents imply that you will be having a religous ceremony for the baby, please get some counseling from your clergyman, because you sure need it.
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