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that would depend on the woman-- if she is inclined to throwing public tantrums when he fails to approve her extravagant orders for dinner he might be coerced into spending way over his ability to avoid a scene. not that you or i have ever known or met anybody like that.
Actually, I don't know anyone like that...where do you find these women who throw tantrums like little children?
I'm hopeless now... 39 weeks unemployed and the only way I can think of dating women is if we go out together and she pays for herself, from the start! I gotta ask mom $5 in order to eat a cheap dinner outside...
Maybe I got no chances with a women because I'm unemployed...
What do you women think? Would you go out with an unemployed guy who has income potential and a resume but you gotta pay for yourself for dates?
Guys - have you ever been in this kinda situation and what happened? How do you handle paying for dates?
Starting a relationship and being unemployed is a little crazy to me. How can you possibly give the relationship the attention it needs starting out? I honestly couldnt date someone who didnt have income....being in a relationship and standing by my man is something totally different. If I were you I would focus more on income/careers goals because until your finances are in order you wont have any relationship luck. Now FWB is something different as well and you shouldnt have any trouble finding one of those.
I'm hopeless now... 39 weeks unemployed and the only way I can think of dating women is if we go out together and she pays for herself, from the start! I gotta ask mom $5 in order to eat a cheap dinner outside...
Maybe I got no chances with a women because I'm unemployed...
What do you women think? Would you go out with an unemployed guy who has income potential and a resume but you gotta pay for yourself for dates?
Guys - have you ever been in this kinda situation and what happened? How do you handle paying for dates?
Jesse, this isn't just to address your post, but basically those scattered throughout this thread.
1) I'm currently unemployed and have been on a few dates. I've paid for all of them, but I have a little money saved. I like the girl and feel we hit it off. If I'm unemployed still by the end of summer, I guarantee I won't be paying for both people by then because that would be cutting too much into my savings, however I think I'll have a job lined up sooner than that.
2) Yes, for those that said he should be focusing on getting a job right now and not dating, I would agree that getting a job is a priority. Jesse, what field are you in? Do you have to look for things alone or are there recruiters you can work through? Personally, I've been on 6 interviews and it seems like the HR process at a lot of companies is slow. I've been working with recruiters and finding positions on my own. I have a CPA license and a couple years experience. From my own experience, I would say that there's only so much to do each day. So I would say it's not unreasonable, based on available time, that Jesse is out getting a girl's number here and there. I can probably spend about 4 hours a day working on job search stuff (Careerbuilder, talking to recruiters, making a cover letter, etc.) until I run out of stuff to do related to job searching, unless it's a day I have an interview. Although I would agree if you are actually out of cash that it's not reasonable for your to invite a girl on a date. If you were already dating somebody and lost your job and they refused to pay their own way after you lost your job, then that girl would have some issues to work on. I wouldn't expect the girl to pay for you though, unless she said, "hey let's go do this or that". Also, I'd hope people are understanding that people are getting laid off left and right, and have been since last fall, so not everyone that's currently unemployed is some bumbling idiot that can't support him/herself.
3) For those that say the guy should always pay: It's 2009. It seems like women between graduating college and the age of 30 or 35, basically prior to having kids, going on maternity leave, etc. have basically the same earning power as men in the same age group. Yes, a guy should be able to pay for himself on a date if he asks you out. He CAN treat, but is not required, if he asks you out. Those women that think the guy should always pay - I'd be interested to know your age and your job. I'm not saying to list it, and I'm not saying there's not something called courtesy if you're looking for a long term relationship. There is also something called be fiscally responsible. I don't think it's fair for a guy to pay for everything for several dates that lead nowhere - I'm not talking sexually, Killer can handle that topic if he chooses, I'm talking about if both people on the date are looking for a long-term relationship. It doesn't make the guy cheap to not always pay. It doesn't make the guy a "good provider" if he always pays. To read the action of "always pays" equating to "showing he's a good provider" is pretty ridiculous. Hey, maybe the guy wants to date a girl, put in the time to get to know her, and maybe it will lead to something long term, maybe marriage, maybe kids, maybe buying a house? Isn't it smarter, and doesn't it show a guy is a good provider to say I'm saving for this, this, and this? What's a decent engagement ring these days? $5k-$10k? Hopefully all this is considered when girls expect guys to pay for anything prior to a relationship getting more serious than just being the first few dates. This part 3) applies to both those that are employed and umemployed.
Ahh, another one of those "should the man pay" threads.
Like many other women, I've often cooked for dates and boyfriends. A good meal comes with gourmet ingredients and good wine, so often the bill ran as high, if not higher, than what one would pay at an upscale restaurant. And the funny thing is -- it never occurred to me that my date should reimburse me for half of the expenses (or more, since usually, my date would eat and drink most of it). Sometimes, the guy would offer to bring the wine -- a nice gesture, but not expected (and on most occasions, I would actually prefer to do the pairing). The idea of presenting my date with a bill would be absurd to me. Whoever hosts the evening pays the expenses.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your mocking killer because he won't land in a serious relationship.
The question for you is, why do you assume this little jab will hurt him? Killer doesn't seem like the kind of guy who goes for serious relationships anyway and is happy with casual hookups, so I don't get why this little jab will hurt him.
That's like mocking someone who's having a tonne of fun driving a Ferrari "I don't think you have to worry about landing in a Mercedes."
lol, pretty much. I've had serious relationships and they were dead end streets for me. I am not serious relationship material. I have more fun in casual relationships and that is what makes me happy.
Some of these women make it sound like a serious relationship is the only way to go and that is simply not true. From all the infidelity I see these days it seems like alot more people should stick with casual relationships, not serious.
Ahh, another one of those "should the man pay" threads.
Like many other women, I've often cooked for dates and boyfriends. A good meal comes with gourmet ingredients and good wine, so often the bill ran as high, if not higher, than what one would pay at an upscale restaurant. And the funny thing is -- it never occurred to me that my date should reimburse me for half of the expenses (or more, since usually, my date would eat and drink most of it). Sometimes, the guy would offer to bring the wine -- a nice gesture, but not expected (and on most occasions, I would actually prefer to do the pairing). The idea of presenting my date with a bill would be absurd to me. Whoever hosts the evening pays the expenses.
Exactly, and a good guest reciprocates. It doesn't matter if it's dinner at a restaurant or a home-cooked meal. Manners dictate that hospitality be graciously given and gratefully reciprocated. It's bad manners to compare dollar value--"I took you to a steak dinner and all I got in return was this lasagna!" If the company is good, who cares? If it bothers you that "all you got" was lasagna, date someone else with manners like you. Don't spend beyond your means; a walk in the park is free and picnic food is cheap. If your date always wants pricey entertainment and never reciprocates, date someone else.
I usually expec a guy to pay the first couple times out, but after that if it's going somewhere I will offer to treat somewhere between the 3rd an 5th time out...plus I usually offer even in the beginning to leave the tip if I had a good time with them and they're nice...I don't think with things being as hard as they are today that all women expect expensive dinners all the time, and the man paying all the time. If I'm meeting someone new, I try to always pick a nice but very reasonably priced place, otherwise I feel awkward about how much it is costing unless the person is very rich, and how many of us really are??
I usually expec a guy to pay the first couple times out, but after that if it's going somewhere I will offer to treat somewhere between the 3rd an 5th time out...plus I usually offer even in the beginning to leave the tip if I had a good time with them and they're nice...I don't think with things being as hard as they are today that all women expect expensive dinners all the time, and the man paying all the time. If I'm meeting someone new, I try to always pick a nice but very reasonably priced place, otherwise I feel awkward about how much it is costing unless the person is very rich, and how many of us really are??
I would never take a man out to dinner, but I might bake him cookies or give back in another way. But I would always give back less. I prefer when a man leads the relationship.
And a man who isn't comfortable with that will just disappear or somehow drop out of the picture, which is fine with me because then I know that he wasn't the one for me or else he wasn't looking for something serious.
I'm not interested in flings or hang out dates, and men who want that sort of thing can go elsewhere, I suppose.
W.
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