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To the OP, you sure sound overwhelmed. It is easy to take on too much, I hear you, I have been there. I just decide, ok, today is sandwich night, no guilt no remorse. Have your kid help with the garbage. Make a little schedule for him to participate. Plan your meals a week ahead, try to cook a little extra on your day off. Enjoy your child, this time goes very fast. Pray for an open heart to help you see around this roadblock. I always wonder how can you get along with someone after the divorce if you can not do it in the marriage. Take it easy on yourself.
The only person responsible for your happiness is you
I just can not understand the concept of staying in an emotionally abusive/unhealthy situation with someone who is unwilling to meet halfway in trying to make it better...I strongly feel it is sending a bad message to the child. I know a lot of people who lived in dysfunctional families and many of them have expressed that they wish their parents would have separated instead of fighting all the time and making life at home so tense & miserable to grow up in...hostile home environments affect children adversely and they often have trouble with their own relationships later in life.
Not all kids feel that way. Some lose a lot of respect for their parents not being able to work it out. I know I did. Conversely, my mom stayed in a rocky second marriage and I respect her a lot for it. Things did get better because both her & my step-dad made changes. That sent a MUCH better message to me than a divorce, which is often just a selfish copout.
Divorce is a last resort, IMO, and this situation is far from being irreparable. Divorce affects children adversely too, and I'd venture to say a lot more than a dysfunctional marriage in many cases. You also have no idea who your partner may date/marry and expose your children to after the separation. There's so many unknown variables, and rarely does it result in happily-ever-after for all involved. The children are usually innocent victims of divorce.
Not all kids feel that way. Some lose a lot of respect for their parents not being able to work it out. I know I did. Conversely, my mom stayed in a rocky second marriage and I respect her a lot for it. Things did get better because both her & my step-dad made changes. That sent a MUCH better message to me than a divorce, which is often just a selfish copout.
Divorce is a last resort, IMO, and this situation is far from being irreparable. Divorce affects children adversely too, and I'd venture to say a lot more than a dysfunctional marriage in many cases. You also have no idea who your partner may date/marry and expose your children to after the separation. There's so many unknown variables, and rarely does it result in happily-ever-after for all involved. The children are usually innocent victims of divorce.
Agree. While many are simply not avoidable, broken trust, etc.. MANY in my opinion are simply people not willing to make changes in any productive manner. They just see divorce as the exit door in a theater when there's a movie playing they don't like. Selfish in many cases, far more so with children in the picture.
Mine split up (separated) twice. Both occasions they hashed things out. If nothing else seems to be getting through even though you're doing everything reasonable to do, this can be a very potent wake-up call for the other. If you're together long enough there's bound to be fights, feelings hurt, and general arguments.
I can't see how anyone would think otherwise if they'd ever had even a roommate for any length of time, let alone someone you're intimate with. It's just a question of one or both(hopefully) willingness to work out problems before they become material for broken trust in one way, shape, form, or another.
As for dysfunctional, I'd love to see one that wouldn't be considered as such. The bitter uncle at the picnic, the crazy aunt, the recluse brother, etc..
Last edited by Waynec613; 06-11-2009 at 01:08 AM..
It won't be resolved if he is not willing to be part of the process.
It's a worn out cushion, IMO, to hear how great he is with his friends, would give the shirt off his back and a great dad, all while he refuses to work on what is wrong with your relationship, in your home where your son also lives and is exposed to this tension. If he doesn't want to work on it and expects you to live under those conditions, it's time to call it a day.
i agree--the relationship will only continue to deteriorate---been there!
So what would happen if she just let it go for a while? A nagging wife doesn't cut it for some. Why not take a different strategy?
Again I say it is easy to take on so much.
The garbage, ok for health reasons.
The ring around the tub, not a deal breaker.
Infidelity, drug or alcohol addiction, criminal behavior, I will personally hand you the divorce petition.
Hope the OP will respond.
Trust me. I'm not a nagging wife. As I said, he has a temper so I try not to nag him. There is also the suspicion of infidelity. He has a lot of "female friends" that I never get introduced to but he is always on the phone with them. There are too many instances to name here.
Trust me. I'm not a nagging wife. As I said, he has a temper so I try not to nag him. There is also the suspicion of infidelity. He has a lot of "female friends" that I never get introduced to but he is always on the phone with them. There are too many instances to name here.
Yes, he's always had the temper which is why he has been able to get away with so much but I've grown tired of this behavior. He always has these female friends. He once introduced me to a female that he said was his "best friend." How could a husband be introducing someone to you as his best friend? The more I write these things out, the sillier I feel for being in this situation.
Sounds like he expects you to be an old-fashioned housewife who also works full time to pay for the life you have together
It worked for my grandparents. But you both have to be willing to fill the roles.
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How do YOU break it off? How have you done it in the past?
