Husband doing things for others, but doesn't for me. (wife, marriage, women)
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I had my 30th birthday recently and my husband didn't do anything for it. For months leading up to it, I had been telling him that I want to do something special, since I only turn 30 once. We moved away from our family and friends a few years ago and every birthday since has just been the two of us and I miss the big fuss. I gave him hints, like asking our friends to meet us for dinner, or a quick trip somewhere, a night out on the town, something more than what he has done for me on my birthday. (FTR, I have done things for him for his birthday and he hasn't had his 30th yet.)
So my birthday came, we had cake at home and he gave me a gift (that I had picked out and saved a photo on the computer and he went and bought it that day). And that was it. Once the candles were blown out, it was over.
Now, I just found out that a friend of his (a woman that I've met once before) wants him to help her plan a 30th birthday party for a friend of theirs (another woman I met once before) in our city. He said he'd definitely help and be glad to.
I don't get it. He can plan a party for her but can't do anything for me? How am I supposed to suppress my anger when I'm invited to this party, knowing that my husband did this for someone else and not for me?
Let your husband know he needs to step it up some when it comes to you and if he rather do things for other women there is a reason for that and that needs to be looked into.
I had my 30th birthday recently and my husband didn't do anything for it. For months leading up to it, I had been telling him that I want to do something special, since I only turn 30 once. We moved away from our family and friends a few years ago and every birthday since has just been the two of us and I miss the big fuss. I gave him hints, like asking our friends to meet us for dinner, or a quick trip somewhere, a night out on the town, something more than what he has done for me on my birthday. (FTR, I have done things for him for his birthday and he hasn't had his 30th yet.)
So my birthday came, we had cake at home and he gave me a gift (that I had picked out and saved a photo on the computer and he went and bought it that day). And that was it. Once the candles were blown out, it was over.
Now, I just found out that a friend of his (a woman that I've met once before) wants him to help her plan a 30th birthday party for a friend of theirs (another woman I met once before) in our city. He said he'd definitely help and be glad to.
I don't get it. He can plan a party for her but can't do anything for me? How am I supposed to suppress my anger when I'm invited to this party, knowing that my husband did this for someone else and not for me?
You've got several issues going on, and sorry to say this, but you are partly to blame for having your birthday as blah as it occurred. If I read it right, your husband is "helping" out the planner (the woman) to plan for the mutual friend's birthday party. He's not the planner, but he said he's willing to help out, which can be as little as setting up the place to get ready for the party, to as huge of a favor as calling up all the guests, arranging the caterers, etc.
What YOU should have done for your past birthday party was this:
First, you need to TELL him what you want for your birthday to happen. Men are not mind readers. Just because you want something special, doesn't mean he knows exactly what you really want for your 30th birthday party. This is where YOU should have stepped in and said, for example:
"Hunny, I want to celebrate my 30th w/ people that we care about, so let's have it planned for (insert the date) at (insert the place of party). Can you call up our friends and have RSVP's, and then pick a place for the gift registry and manage the gift registry? Oh, and don't forget to call (insert name of catering company) -- remember those BBQ ribs that we tried 2 months ago? I want that for my 30th party!"
From what I gathered, all you said to your husband was, "Hunny, I would appreciate it if my 30th would be special..."
Another issue at hand, from what I gather, is the fact that he agreed to "help" another WOMAN set up a birthday party for her friend. I sense a little hint of jealousy there, since this woman decided to take charge of your husband, and that your husband agreed to, so to speak, be "under her charge" for the sake of the party.
Also, I sensed another hint of jealousy because you feel that this upcoming birthday party for their mutual friend is going to be more "celebratory" than your own birthday. If that's the way you feel, then do the upcoming birthday person a favor and do NOT attend. The last thing this mutual friend of theirs need is to have a guest at her/ his party being jealous of the party being thrown by someone else.
I had my 30th birthday recently and my husband didn't do anything for it. For months leading up to it, I had been telling him that I want to do something special, since I only turn 30 once. We moved away from our family and friends a few years ago and every birthday since has just been the two of us and I miss the big fuss. I gave him hints, like asking our friends to meet us for dinner, or a quick trip somewhere, a night out on the town, something more than what he has done for me on my birthday. (FTR, I have done things for him for his birthday and he hasn't had his 30th yet.)
So my birthday came, we had cake at home and he gave me a gift (that I had picked out and saved a photo on the computer and he went and bought it that day). And that was it. Once the candles were blown out, it was over.
Now, I just found out that a friend of his (a woman that I've met once before) wants him to help her plan a 30th birthday party for a friend of theirs (another woman I met once before) in our city. He said he'd definitely help and be glad to.
I don't get it. He can plan a party for her but can't do anything for me? How am I supposed to suppress my anger when I'm invited to this party, knowing that my husband did this for someone else and not for me?
Here's the difference - the friend ASKED him for help in planning a party - YOU only dropped hints that you would like one.
It's called COMMUNICATION. You have to TELL your mate what you want
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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S-O-A-B! I don't care what anyone says, that's bs! I'm sorry to hear this. Wish I had some good advice. I know, if it were me, he wouldn't be participating in that other woman's bd party planning and I'm not a demanding person. This is just wrong. You shouldn't have had to drop hints to him to begin with.
S-O-A-B! I don't care what anyone says, that's bs! I'm sorry to hear this. Wish I had some good advice. I know, if it were me, he wouldn't be participating in that other woman's bd party planning and I'm not a demanding person. This is just wrong. You shouldn't have had to drop hints to him to begin with.
What you said is BS. Just because that other person is a WOMAN that asked him to help plan for HER FRIEND (not her own) party, doesn't mean he can't participate. Man and woman can and do communicate with each other, you know -- speaking of communication, I agree with another poster. The OP only dropped hints on what "special" things she wants to happen on her (now past) birthday. That woman friend of the OP's husband ASKED for his help.
Damn, I hope I don't ask YOUR husband for any help. Gosh forbid you'd have a problem just because I'm a woman.
He's getting a bit of 'ego and feeling needed out of this' and looking like a nice guy to others. I am related to one of these. Does a lot for others but pretty much says screw it when it comes to his own family
On the night of the party you get yourself dressed up and you make other plans and when he says it's time to go - you tell him you have other plans such as someone having a party for getting promoted or something.
He's getting a bit of 'ego and feeling needed out of this' and looking like a nice guy to others. I am related to one of these. On the night of the party you get yourself dressed up and you make other plans and when he says it's time to go - you tell him you have other plans such as someone having a party for getting promoted or something.
I cannot believe this - you are promoting game playing in a marriage??? This is not only dangerous, it is immature, selfish and egotistical.
S-O-A-B! I don't care what anyone says, that's bs! I'm sorry to hear this. Wish I had some good advice. I know, if it were me, he wouldn't be participating in that other woman's bd party planning and I'm not a demanding person. This is just wrong. You shouldn't have had to drop hints to him to begin with.
Whyte, refresh my memory - I know you aren't married, but how old are you?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511
What you said is BS. Just because that other person is a WOMAN that asked him to help plan for HER FRIEND (not her own) party, doesn't mean he can't participate. Man and woman can and do communicate with each other, you know -- speaking of communication, I agree with another poster. The OP only dropped hints on what "special" things she wants to happen on her (now past) birthday. That woman friend of the OP's husband ASKED for his help.
Damn, I hope I don't ask YOUR husband for any help. Gosh forbid you'd have a problem just because I'm a woman.
I don't know what your idea of marriage is but a husband or wife shouldn't have to ask to be treated special. They should always come first. Assume what you like of me and my relationships if you must but that's just a no-brainer.
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I cannot believe this - you are promoting game playing in a marriage??? This is not only dangerous, it is immature, selfish and egotistical.
