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I'd talk with him. You should be his priority, especially when it's your birthday, anniversary, etc. (We also moved away with DH, so I know how can it be when it's just the two of you).
I understand why you didn't tell him "I want a nice party". We are not supposed to plan our own parties, duh! LOL
It's understandable, but it's his wife's birthday, come on!
Of course, but he can't tell what EXACTLY she wants, because as OP said, she hinted him on SEVERAL different things she would like to happen that are in conflict -- going on vacation for the two of them vs. having a party in their town w/ their friends. So, if I were to put myself in OP's hubby's shoes, I'd be confused as well. I'd tell her to make up her mind: either you want a vacation, or you want a party.
From there, IF she made up her mind, then I can start planning. From what I read on OP's post, she didn't leave much to specify.
But this other woman, from what OP told us, gave OP's hubby details about the planning of the friend's party. Like I mentioned before, and I hate to say this, women are better planners for events (of course, there are exceptions to everything), and I think OP married one of those "go with the flow" kind of man, hence, he's bad at planning without instructions.
What YOU should have done for your past birthday party was this:
First, you need to TELL him what you want for your birthday to happen. Men are not mind readers. Just because you want something special, doesn't mean he knows exactly what you really want for your 30th birthday party. This is where YOU should have stepped in and said, for example:
"Hunny, I want to celebrate my 30th w/ people that we care about, so let's have it planned for (insert the date) at (insert the place of party). Can you call up our friends and have RSVP's, and then pick a place for the gift registry and manage the gift registry? Oh, and don't forget to call (insert name of catering company) -- remember those BBQ ribs that we tried 2 months ago? I want that for my 30th party!"
From what I gathered, all you said to your husband was, "Hunny, I would appreciate it if my 30th would be special..."
Here is the OP's first post (she did give specifics) I gave him hints, like asking our friends to meet us for dinner, or a quick trip somewhere, a night out on the town, something more than what he has done for me on my birthday.
Again THURSDAY, you didn't leave anything else to your hubby except for IDEAS. Tell him ONE idea, and I'm sure he could have gone off w/ planning for it. YOu gave him several ideas: have friends meet up you two for dinner and a quick trip somewhere. YOU should have specified either you want to meet w/ friends for dinner, or the trip. From then, I'm sure he would have been able to take the lead to do the planning.
IF that is what is happening, sure. But it's just as likely that nothing is going on - men and women can be friends you know.
Sure they can. But if that friendship involves unusual activities, it's a red flag. If a woman asks someone's husband to help her with knitting (and knitting is not one of his hobbies), you can bet your tush something's going on. What I pointed out -- that was the one thing in the story that kinda jumped out at me.
Originally Posted by sms0511
Again THURSDAY, you didn't leave anything else to your hubby except for IDEAS. Tell him ONE idea, and I'm sure he could have gone off w/ planning for it. YOu gave him several ideas: have friends meet up you two for dinner and a quick trip somewhere. YOU should have specified either you want to meet w/ friends for dinner, or the trip. From then, I'm sure he would have been able to take the lead to do the planning.
I know, so much to learn about men!
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Sorry, but I have never been with someone that required a book and instructions to understand that type input. Several suggestions were made where he could work from - taking a trip involves taking off work -can he do that if not, well, how about dinner with friends. Does he need to be smacked in the head with a shovel to see it?
I don't buy into the "men are not mind readers"...I don't know of any women that read minds. It takes the "special" out of the occassion if you have to TELL your husband/wife WHAT to do for it. Come on....he is a grown up.
Perhaps he has been this way throughout the whole marriage and now that they have moved away from family it has come to light? I can't imagine that he just up and decided to be this way on your 30th birthday?
Here's the difference - the friend ASKED him for help in planning a party - YOU only dropped hints that you would like one.
It's called COMMUNICATION. You have to TELL your mate what you want
I agree.
What is it with women and their birthdays anyhow? I know so many women who get all bent out of shape because their s.o. doesn't turn their birthday into a Macy's Parade. Holy cow.
After age seven, I'd say, birthdays are not a big deal.
Sorry, but I have never been with someone that required a book and instructions to understand that type input. Several suggestions were made where he could work from - taking a trip involves taking off work -can he do that if not, well, how about dinner with friends. Does he need to be smacked in the head with a shovel to see it?
Just curious, how long have you been happily married?
Last edited by lovesMountains; 09-02-2009 at 02:58 PM..
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Sorry, but I have never been with someone that required a book and instructions to understand that type input. Several suggestions were made where he could work from - taking a trip involves taking off work -can he do that if not, well, how about dinner with friends. Does he need to be smacked in the head with a shovel to see it?
Wow, you are a piece of work. Sure, he's got several ideas to work off, but you didn't leave him anything else but that. So you're saying that he's supposed to "pick" from your birthday event "wish list" and then just take off with whatever he thinks is what YOU want for your birthday event?
Again, let me point out the difference: you HINTED, or what you said -- GAVE several ideas. That other woman ASKED him specificly to help out. SHe wasn't asking him to host the whole party or anything, she was asking him to participate in the planning and I'm sure she gave him a role in which he could participate.
Sure, "ideally" your husband would be this bodybuilder handsome man who just knows everything you're thinking about and provides it just...like...the...way... you're thinking...about....it. Well guess what, you didn't marry that guy, you married your husband. Either suck it up and go to the party and be a good guest, or don't go and make your own darned plan of pitty party.
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It takes the "special" out of the occassion if you have to TELL your husband/wife WHAT to do for it. Come on....he is a grown up. 
