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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Reputation: 9418
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Let me put it this way. This is what I base my decision on. If the tables were turned, would I do this to him? If I did, how would I feel about myself? Like a lousy heel of a mate.
I don't get it. He can plan a party for her but can't do anything for me? How am I supposed to suppress my anger when I'm invited to this party, knowing that my husband did this for someone else and not for me?
I'd talk with him. You should be his priority, especially when it's your birthday, anniversary, etc. (We also moved away with DH, so I know how can it be when it's just the two of you).
I understand why you didn't tell him "I want a nice party". We are not supposed to plan our own parties, duh! LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511
Men are not mind readers.
It's understandable, but it's his wife's birthday, come on!
Let me put it this way. This is what I base my decision on. If the tables were turned, would I do this to him? If I did, how would I feel about myself? Like a lousy heel of a mate.
I am looking at it from a different angle. I find it strange that the husband was asked to help plan another woman's birthday party. It's strange because party-planning isn't really a typical "guy thing", especially when it comes to planning girl's parties. Of course, I don't know the exact circumstances and the nature of this "help". I mean, maybe he was asked to help get a large reservation at a really tough-to-get-into club or restaurant because he's friends with the manager -- in which case, it's totally innocent. But something like that aside, sifting through invitation designs, creating balloon and flower arrangements and coordinating chairs with tablecloths isn't really something most men I know (actually any men I know) would be into. And so if I needed help planning a party for a girlfriend, I can't imagine why I would ask a guy to do that, unless I had another agenda. I don't know if it's just one-sided flirtation or a full-blown affair, but it sounds like an excuse for the two of them to meet and carry on communication in plain sight.
I don't know what your idea of marriage is but a husband or wife shouldn't have to ask to be treated special. They should always come first. Assume what you like of me and my relationships if you must but that's just a no-brainer.
Have you heard of communication? A wife "hinting" at the husband that she wants something special is NOT communication w/ the husband.
What this other woman did CORRECTLY is that she flat out asked OP's husband to "help out" with HER FRIEND's upcoming birthday party.
Again, OP hinted, and no one person here is able to play the guessing game. No matter how long OP and husband have been married, OP still had her own idea(s) of what she wanted her birthday to be, but instead of "specifying" those ideas, she just "hinted". Talk about weak type of communicating.
Communicating is not asking. What this other woman did is ask.
In my marriage, husband and I communicate. BOth he and I have tried the "guessing game" -- each of us planned for something special on each other's birthday (pre-marriage) and as the years went by, each of us learned to communicate what we both wanted for our birthdays, event wise. Guess what? We actually had much more fun when we had things planned the way we wanted it because we "expressed" what we wanted.
Is that concept so hard to understand -- communication?
I am looking at it from a different angle. I find it strange that the husband was asked to help plan another woman's birthday party. It's strange because party-planning isn't really a typical "guy thing", especially when it comes to planning girl's parties. Of course, I don't know the exact circumstances and the nature of this "help". I mean, maybe he was asked to help get a large reservation at a really tough-to-get-into club or restaurant because he's friends with the manager -- in which case, it's totally innocent. But something like that aside, sifting through invitation designs and creating balloon ensembles isn't really something most men I know (actually any men I know) would be into. And so if I needed help planning a party for a girlfriend, I can't imagine why I would ask a guy to do that, unless I had another agenda. I don't know if it's just one-sided flirtation or a full-blown affair, but it sounds like an excuse for the two of them to meet and carry on communication in plain sight.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,041,331 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Again, how old are you?
Again? I didn't see this til now, sorry. If you're trying to say I'm immature, don't bother. My age has nothing to do with it. It has everything to do with thinking of your partner before others. Charity begins at home sort of thing. I ask nothing of others I don't deliver myself. Hell, and even then I don't ask for anything. This would be a shocker to me.
What YOU should have done for your past birthday party was this:
First, you need to TELL him what you want for your birthday to happen. Men are not mind readers. Just because you want something special, doesn't mean he knows exactly what you really want for your 30th birthday party. This is where YOU should have stepped in and said, for example:
"Hunny, I want to celebrate my 30th w/ people that we care about, so let's have it planned for (insert the date) at (insert the place of party). Can you call up our friends and have RSVP's, and then pick a place for the gift registry and manage the gift registry? Oh, and don't forget to call (insert name of catering company) -- remember those BBQ ribs that we tried 2 months ago? I want that for my 30th party!"
From what I gathered, all you said to your husband was, "Hunny, I would appreciate it if my 30th would be special..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Here's the difference - the friend ASKED him for help in planning a party - YOU only dropped hints that you would like one.
It's called COMMUNICATION. You have to TELL your mate what you want
Here is the OP's first post (she did give specifics) I gave him hints, like asking our friends to meet us for dinner, or a quick trip somewhere, a night out on the town, something more than what he has done for me on my birthday.
Again? I didn't see this til now, sorry. If you're trying to say I'm immature, don't bother. My age has nothing to do with it. It has everything to do with thinking of your partner before others. Charity begins at home sort of thing. I ask nothing of others I don't deliver myself.
Not saying that AT ALL. I am asking to understand where this perspective of yours comes from. Your age and experience (or lack of it) has EVERYTHING to do with your perspective.
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