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My wife Jane is such a door mat. When she was growing up as part of a large Catholic family her parents did not believe in birth control so had as many kids as God gave them. You would think they would be so loving and perfect parents because they wanted so much to have a large family.
Well instead they are incredibly cold and distant. It really messed up the kids and most of them are old maids or go through one bad relationship to another. I have never seen such a group of bad people in my life.
My wife still gets together with the family and drags me along but the events are usually quite painful where they ridicule her sometimes or ignore her other times. It is hard for me to watch. If you were the husband of such a woman in a similar situation would you step in when you see your spouse treated badly at family events? (No, she does not have the ability to stick up for herself)
You know, my mother is known for her catty remarks. There's simply no intervening gear between her brain and her mouth. So she let slip some things towards my wife very early on in our marriage that really upset her.
I addressed it forthwith. I simply said, "Mom, I love you. But I don't have to see you everyday. And if you don't watch your mouth around my wife, you won't be seeing us much at all." That did the trick.
Like I said in a similar post, welcome to the out-law club. In-laws were put here on this earth to annoy out-laws. First, confront in a gentle way that this type of behavior is hurtful. If nothing changes, keep contact at a minimum and form your own lives. Leave and cleave, baby! Soon, they will get the hint.
If it was my family talking sh*t to me? No, he wouldn't intervene. That would be my battle. Not his.
My youngest daughters MIL is a witch to her....while I would love to break this woman in half to 'save' my baby girl...it's not my place. It's her husbands place to deal with the crazy lady.
And before anyone says anything...we're both quite capable of standing up for ourselves ...
So Jerry, if these family interactions bother Jane(your doormat wife) she will have to step up and deal....or not. Shes the one who jumps in front of the train. No one is pushing her. Perhaps a good therapist....
If I were you, I would tell her how I feel about those situation and what I intend to do and how she feels about it.........you never know, if you do not discuss it with her before defending her, she might be mad at you for it instead....its always good to be on the same page
If you really want to make your bond stronger with your wife, you can do so by standing up for her. Do so in private first, then if pushed do so in public and make sure the parents get the message that the verbal abuse stops here and now.
Well Jerry, I'm not a man, I saw your wifes post on this a couple months back when I came to this forum and replied [you can research my answer if you'd like]
Cut these people off, tell Jane,"no can do" do yourself the favor, if I had to enjoy my Holidays alone, then so be it.
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