Can one drunken night ruin everything? (dating, girl, love, cheating)
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I'll try to be concise about what's happened (never easy for me!). I've been dating this guy for about a month now and we definitely clicked right away. I haven't felt this way in years. We're complete opposites, but it works and since we officially started dating (we were in class together for a few months before) it's been known that we both wanted a relationship to come from it. We've been taking things slow and it had been going really well.
Until last Friday night. Long story short, we went out with his friends, I black out (first time in my life.. I kinda think something shady happened, but that's another story), apparently I hit on his friends all night, he gets mad and leaves, I start crying, his friend holds back my hair while I throw up, and then his friend and I make out. I wake up the next morning with no memory of any of this. Now he says it's over and he seems very adamant about it despite my apologizing and insisting that we talk it out.
HOWEVER, in the past week since it's happened he's drunk dialed me twice, once asking me why I haven't called and then telling me how much he likes me. I tried calling him the next day, but he only claimed he was too drunk to remember the phone call and apologized for calling. We texted (how mature, I know) back and forth and he still solely blames me for everything, saying he was sorry it was ending this way but that he didn't choose to do what I did. I can completely understand why he's upset, but I am also upset that he would abandon me at a bar with people I didn't know when I was obviously very drunk just because he was angry. He doesn't seem to realize that this was a jerk move and even just an irresponsible thing for him to do. I know how lucky I am that his friends actually DID take me home and that I was safe.
Few questions: If he says it's over then why is he still calling, but only when drunk? Why is he unable to see the difference between me "cheating" on him and me being taken advantage of? He knows that everything that happened is VERY uncharacteristic of me (in fact a few of my friends have suggested he's lying since they refuse to believe I was all over other guys - I've never been like that, even when very drunk). Also, what should I do now? Should I try and move on, or do you think he'll call again if I just give him time? Should I wait awhile and make the effort to reconnect? Or was what I did blacked out completely unforgiveable?
I'm a classic over-analyzer so please excuse my long post! Thanks for any advice/help
Yup, that's enough to ruin everything for sure. Next time you go out on a date, never have more than one or two drinks and then go home. Nothing is worse that a sloppy drunk girl.
Yup, that's enough to ruin everything for sure. Next time you go out on a date, never have more than one or two drinks and then go home. Nothing is worse that a sloppy drunk girl.
I am so with you here but why not keep it to one drink?
Nothing good ever comes from being drunk and nothing is more romantic than watching "your girl" puke her guts out.
I hear ya.. I wanted to stay sober and offered to be the designated driver, but he wanted to "get wasted with me" since he just graduated and wanted to celebrate. Plus I had about 4-5 shots (all on his urging even though I tried to deny a few), which would get me tipsy/drunk for sure, but has never gotten me blacked out before. Also, he's seen me drunk so it should have been nothing new.. especially since he was taking 2 shots to each of mine so he was pretty drunk too. Otherwise, though, I completely agree with you. I almost never have more than 2 drinks when I'm first meeting/hanging out with someone.
I almost never have more than 2 drinks when I'm first meeting/hanging out with someone.
This is what stuck out to me. You've been with this guy for a month. Apparently not nearly enough time to be able to trust him not to leave you to fend for yourself when you're unable to do so.
Aside from everything else, that would be a HUGE warning to me. You're lucky nothing worse happened. IMO, if he had any sort of maturity and common decency, he would have made sure that you made it home safe, and THEN broken up with you if he so desired.
You may have shown poor judgment in getting sloshed in such a situation, but he showed his true colors by thinking purely of his own feelings, and storming off without making sure you were taken care of. I would think long and hard about even wanting to get back with someone who treated you this way.
I'll try to be concise about what's happened (never easy for me!). I've been dating this guy for about a month now and we definitely clicked right away. I haven't felt this way in years. We're complete opposites, but it works and since we officially started dating (we were in class together for a few months before) it's been known that we both wanted a relationship to come from it. We've been taking things slow and it had been going really well.
Until last Friday night. Long story short, we went out with his friends, I black out (first time in my life.. I kinda think something shady happened, but that's another story), apparently I hit on his friends all night, he gets mad and leaves, I start crying, his friend holds back my hair while I throw up, and then his friend and I make out. I wake up the next morning with no memory of any of this. Now he says it's over and he seems very adamant about it despite my apologizing and insisting that we talk it out.
HOWEVER, in the past week since it's happened he's drunk dialed me twice, once asking me why I haven't called and then telling me how much he likes me. I tried calling him the next day, but he only claimed he was too drunk to remember the phone call and apologized for calling. We texted (how mature, I know) back and forth and he still solely blames me for everything, saying he was sorry it was ending this way but that he didn't choose to do what I did. I can completely understand why he's upset, but I am also upset that he would abandon me at a bar with people I didn't know when I was obviously very drunk just because he was angry. He doesn't seem to realize that this was a jerk move and even just an irresponsible thing for him to do. I know how lucky I am that his friends actually DID take me home and that I was safe.
Few questions: If he says it's over then why is he still calling, but only when drunk? Why is he unable to see the difference between me "cheating" on him and me being taken advantage of? He knows that everything that happened is VERY uncharacteristic of me (in fact a few of my friends have suggested he's lying since they refuse to believe I was all over other guys - I've never been like that, even when very drunk). Also, what should I do now? Should I try and move on, or do you think he'll call again if I just give him time? Should I wait awhile and make the effort to reconnect? Or was what I did blacked out completely unforgiveable?
I'm a classic over-analyzer so please excuse my long post! Thanks for any advice/help
Think the dude screwed up big time
Blunder#1: Involving you with his guy friends. Friends are actually more enemies than real enemies.
Blunder#2: Leaving you at the bar.
As a face saver, he could have dragged you out of the bar, taken you home, that way he could have prevented a potential one night stand.
Doesn't really matter why you went out and got marinated, the point is that it happened. I'm not judging you, I'm just saying that this is pretty hard to overlook.
As to why he is drunk dialing, it's kind of the same mindset as when you were drunk. It was an alcohol related accident. You can't take it too seriously as far as the depth behind it.
I agree that it's my fault that I got so drunk that I blacked out and it was something I normally wouldn't do. I've thought about if I'd want to be with a guy that leaves me at the bar and isn't there for me when I'm drunk, and later sick, and the truth is that I wouldn't normally, but I know he's not like that just as I know I'm not that drunk girl I was that night. Although it would be nice to at least hear him recognize that he did something wrong!
The truth is is that I miss him and what we had before Friday night. We're both good people and perhaps this is just an unfortunate outcome of us both being irresponsible and letting loose too much too soon. I really wish we could both just forget that night and move on! But I suppose that's just wishful thinking
Dump the loser NOW! You said something shady may have happened. That you blacked out. You were probably drugged by one of his "friends". Who wants to "get wasted" as a celebration? That's no way to celebrate. You should tell this creep in no uncertain terms that he needs to leave you the hell alone and lose your number. He sounds like a real creep to me - leaving you in a position like that. If I could, I'd bust a cap in his ass myself!!!
and the truth is that I wouldn't normally, but I know he's not like that just as I know I'm not that drunk girl I was that night.
He IS like that. He showed you his true colors. What else needs to happen? You getting raped or even worse because the whiner left you when you couldn't fend for yourself?
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowlove
The truth is is that I miss him and what we had before Friday night. We're both good people and perhaps this is just an unfortunate outcome of us both being irresponsible and letting loose too much too soon. I really wish we could both just forget that night and move on! But I suppose that's just wishful thinking
Before Friday night, when REALITY seeped in. Be thankful you found out about this now.
A decent human being doesn't knowingly leave another person in a place of danger in order to protect something as insignificant as their own feelings.
Honestly, how can you trust someone like that in the future?
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