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Nope. I don't hold grudges. And I prefer to live in the present and for the future. Continual ex-bashing is counter-productive. Once I've learned the important life lessons from the old relationship, I just move on.
I really think this is more of a chick thing to do than a guy thing. I dont know any guys who "carrys weight o past relationships on their shoulders". But I do know women who do this. This is totally one of those chick things
It is not a "chick thing".. I have ran into many men who have had such grudges that I ran hard and fast from them... I told them I refuse to pay for what someone else did or to be punished for what someone else did to them. Men do it too.
It is not a "chick thing".. I have ran into many men who have had such grudges that I ran hard and fast from them... I told them I refuse to pay for what someone else did or to be punished for what someone else did to them. Men do it too.
There may be some men in certain parts of the world who do this, but its very very rare to find one. Of all my guy friends, only ONE felt this way in the past, and now that he's getting married again, he no longer feels that way about his ex.
I still say is mainly and primarily a chick thing to do.
Seems to me that there are alot of people of both sexes that are still carrying the weight of past relationships on their shoulders.When I read some of their posts,I sense that even,though the ex may no longer be in the picture that they are still somehow pulling the strings.A deeper look may reveal that they are still carrying the scars and really not healed.Most of those that have been through the h**l of divorces or break ups and grown from it,learn to jealously guard their heart but to the extent that they shut out other potential partners that might be out there.Worse yet to go on dating sites and hope to find love with so much unfinished emotional stuff.Lots of us have been done wrong or else we would still be relationships and might not be on those dating sites looking.Sooner or later all that stuff is gonna resurface in the next relationship.There is nothing worse than having to pay for the sins of others I know this first hand.If you feel they bent you over once in a divorce or breakup,aren't you allowing them to bend you over a second time when you put up these barriers?
Not if I can help it... Over my dead body is someone going to try to get over me like that. I ain't no damn ragdoll.
Seems to me that there are alot of people of both sexes that are still carrying the weight of past relationships on their shoulders.When I read some of their posts,I sense that even,though the ex may no longer be in the picture that they are still somehow pulling the strings.A deeper look may reveal that they are still carrying the scars and really not healed.Most of those that have been through the h**l of divorces or break ups and grown from it,learn to jealously guard their heart but to the extent that they shut out other potential partners that might be out there.Worse yet to go on dating sites and hope to find love with so much unfinished emotional stuff.Lots of us have been done wrong or else we would still be relationships and might not be on those dating sites looking.Sooner or later all that stuff is gonna resurface in the next relationship.There is nothing worse than having to pay for the sins of others I know this first hand.If you feel they bent you over once in a divorce or breakup,aren't you allowing them to bend you over a second time when you put up these barriers?
While it's true that a lot of people still carry emotional baggage from relationships, it's also true that other people are quick to assign the baggage label. Suppose your ex was a violent alcoholic who beat you. You eventually left him, healed, and started a new life. Then you start dating, meet someone in the course of a conversation, your previous marriage comes up. When asked why it didn't work out, you say he was a jerk. Does that make you sound bitter? Perhaps. But knowing the circumstances makes it easier for me to understand why you would call him that. That's why I wouldn't necessarily think you're bitter, unless of course you kept complaining about him. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting or even completely forgiving. Some things, like abuse, should never be forgiven and I doubt it could be forgotten.
I think you also need to draw a distinction between baggage and experience. The way we look at people is shaped by our experience. If everyone I've dated was a workaholic lawyer who could never make time for me and then I meet a lawyer, naturally how I look at them will be colored by my past experiences with lawyers. That might make me prejudiced, but I don't think it qualifies as baggage.
As for whoever said that this is mainly a female thing, I strongly disagree. I've met many men who have a hard time letting go of their past. The difference is that many men aren't so obvious about it. They'll claim they're healed, but their behavior tells a different story.
There may be some men in certain parts of the world who do this, but its very very rare to find one. Of all my guy friends, only ONE felt this way in the past, and now that he's getting married again, he no longer feels that way about his ex.
I still say is mainly and primarily a chick thing to do.
Are you serious? Half the men on this board carry this baggage around. You have two on this thread already. And one of them is constantly blaming all women for things his ex did.
I finally had to tell my husband that I wasn't paying for his ex's sins anymore. He either had to let them go or I was gone.
Im still carrying the weight of my past relationship. When he signs the papers already and pays up, some of that weight will be lifted and some of the associated anger released. It does not consume me but i will always hate him for what he has put me thru. I dont think my feelings affect my current relaionship other than hopefully I will be wiser in my decisions.
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