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Look, if you're going to sleep around on hubby, then at least tell him your intentions. It's not fair for him to withhold affection, but sneaking around on him is even worse.
I have made comments in the past few months that if we don't start having sex again that I am going to get it somewhere else. He says "Go for it!"
I dont know if this is related to the topic, but I just wanted to say that I am very happy that finally I realized why I was so depressed after my ex left. Well here I was thinking that I really loved him, blah, blah, blah, nonsense. Then I realized , like a lightbulb went on in my head suddenly, that I didn't miss him. I missed the sex!
I havent been so happy since he left. Cus see, I was thinking that if I loved him and didn't have him, I was screwed. Like a kid who doesnt get a favorite toy they wanted. So there I was pouting and feeling sorry for myself. When suddenly, it just became so clear. Now everything has changed. I am alive again!! I dont need him, I just need to get laid.
People who with hold sex and affection are passive aggressive and force the other person to either cheat, or divorce them so they can come out of the relationship looking more honorable. "She cheated on me " or "she wanted a divorce". The onus to end the relationship should be on the person who thinks they can be in a relationship and not have sex or affection. BTDT In spite of sounding like the devils advocate, After a reasonable amount of time and effort has passed to no avail, walk out or engage the services of a sympathetic partner, Being denied sex and affection for too long may cause a lot of psychological baggage that you will take to the next relationship. i.e., "was it me " "maybe I married a gay person" "maybe I'm not good in bed" "maybe I'm not desirable" Ironically some of these feelings of self doubt are the same feelings that people who were cheated on take to the next relationship.
You are describing my husband. He tries to make me look bad in every situation. He starts arguments all the time and then turns it to make it look like my fault. Then tells me I don't deserve it, when it comes to sex.
I am not a pushover, it sounds like I let my husband walk all over me. This is not the case. I think things have gotten to be to the point of , two heads butting. Constantly. Anytime I say something to him like take out the garbage, He will say don't tell me what to do. Its turned into a power struggle on EVERY issue. We just hit the 15 year mark and he is completely different than the person I married.
His dad is "macho man" and is always telling my husband that he needs to take charge and not take any lip from me and don't let her tell you what to do etc.
When he hasn't seen his a dad in a month or so he starts to settle down and things get better But as soon as he gets around that big mouth "MR. Macho "returns for a week or so.
His dad puts me down and talks $hit about me with my husband right in front of my kids, when they go to visit. My son comes home and tells me. I do not visit his parents, EVER.
So, as you can see its not just about sex. Its about control and how can he hurt me. We have been to counseling just recently. We started in March and went for 3 months, it made things worse.
The couselor told us not to "take each others bait" as in getting arguments going. He would walk around saying "I'm not taking your bait" anytime I spoke , even just a quick sentence.
It was very annoying.
All the steps the counselor suggested, like greeting me in a certain way. He ignored.
Anyway sex is probably not going to happen, This is not like a REAL marriage any more. Its like 2 room mates who live in the same house who and take care of the kids. We've gone so far the opposite direction of where we were 15 years ago, that it will never get back to where it was. My husband is so much into acting like he's "the man" the only thing he can think of is being the "controller'.
You are describing my husband. He tries to make me look bad in every situation. He starts arguments all the time and then turns it to make it look like my fault. Then tells me I don't deserve it, when it comes to sex.
I am not a pushover, it sounds like I let my husband walk all over me. This is not the case. I think things have gotten to be to the point of , two heads butting. Constantly. Anytime I say something to him like take out the garbage, He will say don't tell me what to do. Its turned into a power struggle on EVERY issue. We just hit the 15 year mark and he is completely different than the person I married.
His dad is "macho man" and is always telling my husband that he needs to take charge and not take any lip from me and don't let her tell you what to do etc.
When he hasn't seen his a dad in a month or so he starts to settle down and things get better But as soon as he gets around that big mouth "MR. Macho "returns for a week or so.
His dad puts me down and talks $hit about me with my husband right in front of my kids, when they go to visit. My son comes home and tells me. I do not visit his parents, EVER.
So, as you can see its not just about sex. Its about control and how can he hurt me. We have been to counseling just recently. We started in March and went for 3 months, it made things worse.
The couselor told us not to "take each others bait" as in getting arguments going. He would walk around saying "I'm not taking your bait" anytime I spoke , even just a quick sentence.
It was very annoying.
All the steps the counselor suggested, like greeting me in a certain way. He ignored.
Anyway sex is probably not going to happen, This is not like a REAL marriage any more. Its like 2 room mates who live in the same house who and take care of the kids. We've gone so far the opposite direction of where we were 15 years ago, that it will never get back to where it was. My husband is so much into acting like he's "the man" the only thing he can think of is being the "controller'.
Dear OP,
I usually don't do it, but I will say straight up: I could never live like that. Your husband sounds like a complete a**hole.
There is a great book called "Broken Opened". Seems to me like you need to break free from this emotional abuse you are taking.
It's not just about sex.
You need to see how much you value your own happieness. Sleeping with someone else WILL NOT make you happy. After few hours of good sex it will still make you feel like crap, and you will wonder, why can't I be happy in my own family?
Think about your future. Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life?
Location: somewhere close to Tampa, but closer to the beach
2,031 posts, read 5,042,043 times
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NEVER!!!..cheating is WRONG under ANY and ALL circumstances...If your Wife/Husband // Boyfriend/Girlfriend isn't working out...let them know CLEARLY..that you are dissatisfied and that if the situation does not change..you will be seeking divorce...or leaving them..do not ever bring someone else into your problems...even if they are willing..
IMO Cheating is just as bad as Murder...There is NEVER a valid reason to stray...This is something which i vehemently detest...
Sounds OK to me. I agree with you. Too bad you don't live in Florida. Sex does not always have to be trumpets and angels, or damnation to hell, sometimes it's just fun, intimate and relaxing. That's the way we were made.
I have made comments in the past few months that if we don't start having sex again that I am going to get it somewhere else. He says "Go for it!"
You have much bigger problems than those in your sex life. Quit making excuses and looking to justify cheating - get busy correcting the problems instead.
Well, I don't counsel an affair. Yet I also think the people who are most violent in their responses to this are the ones who have been laid in the past year year. I think it's pretty easy to have been shtumped last night or during the past couple of days and counsel patience. That's like having money in the bank and food in the pantry while counseling an out-of-work person on welfare with hungry kids to not shoplift.
It gets back to one of the points that always get argued on the board, the "why I'd NEVER step out on my SO." We all like to think that. That being said, I'm pretty certain that those who have thought the same thing when their own marriages were doing fine. My contention is that with the right person in the right place with the right amount of tequila and the right situation, anybody will be capable of it.
Back to the OP. Don't do it. You won't like yourself for having done it. Just get the divorce and you can then diddle anyone you want.
You are describing my husband. He tries to make me look bad in every situation. He starts arguments all the time and then turns it to make it look like my fault. Then tells me I don't deserve it, when it comes to sex.
I am not a pushover, it sounds like I let my husband walk all over me. This is not the case. I think things have gotten to be to the point of , two heads butting. Constantly. Anytime I say something to him like take out the garbage, He will say don't tell me what to do. Its turned into a power struggle on EVERY issue. We just hit the 15 year mark and he is completely different than the person I married.
His dad is "macho man" and is always telling my husband that he needs to take charge and not take any lip from me and don't let her tell you what to do etc.
When he hasn't seen his a dad in a month or so he starts to settle down and things get better But as soon as he gets around that big mouth "MR. Macho "returns for a week or so.
His dad puts me down and talks $hit about me with my husband right in front of my kids, when they go to visit. My son comes home and tells me. I do not visit his parents, EVER.
So, as you can see its not just about sex. Its about control and how can he hurt me. We have been to counseling just recently. We started in March and went for 3 months, it made things worse.
The couselor told us not to "take each others bait" as in getting arguments going. He would walk around saying "I'm not taking your bait" anytime I spoke , even just a quick sentence.
It was very annoying.
All the steps the counselor suggested, like greeting me in a certain way. He ignored.
Anyway sex is probably not going to happen, This is not like a REAL marriage any more. Its like 2 room mates who live in the same house who and take care of the kids. We've gone so far the opposite direction of where we were 15 years ago, that it will never get back to where it was. My husband is so much into acting like he's "the man" the only thing he can think of is being the "controller'.
Sounds like you grew too much apart. Two people who dislike each other, living under one roof. Everything sucks, not just the sex part.
Are you planning to stay with him until the kids grow up and leave? Or keep on living with him until death (because of the money?)
In any case, cheating will just bring yet another layer of mess on top of a complicated situation. Regardless him saying, "Go on and cheat", if you really do it, it will be a blow up mamma mia.
A man who needs to be in power, WILL NOT tolerate you cheating. The situation will trigger divorce, but he will be "the moral one", and you will be rolling down the hill fast and quick. You will end up worse than when just openly planning separation/divorce.
And if you hope that you will be able to keep it quiet and just sneak around, there are many different eyes that see and notice things. Besides, if you already threatened to find someone on the side, he'll be able to connect the dots.
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