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The advice that everyone has given has been absolutely correct thus far. Something else more importantly than letting your waste of an ex do for himself, is that you have a child watching ALL of this, who will grow up treating women the same way his father is treating you.
Time for you to step up to the plate and stop being manipulated by this man (and I use that term loosely), find the help you need through organizations who help abused women (this IS abuse) and get your child and go.
At this point, he's taking YOU and your son right down the crapper together and you will end up on the street.
UPDATE: So.....yesterday...he actually got his unemployment check $2,6xx dollars, somehow they approved it! Well, you would think this would have an easy ending right?....wrong.
Guess what he does!
1) Calls me to ask me to cash his check (ok fine, I wouldn't want to walk around with almost 3k in cash!) so I swing by and take him to the checks cashed about 5 miles up the road.
2) He gets money orders to the penny for the amount they needed in order to put off the eviction...$1,5xx. So he has ~1050 at this point. I'm thinking ok, great, he has enough left over to pay October rent too and will have a little change to get some groceries...his next move?
3) he hands me $300 and says its for our son. I'm thinking, well ok, since he will have another check next week+ the 700 he has, he can pay his rent with that and I honestly thought he was trying to look out for me...but it all changed in 4 fateful words or 5 syllables...he said....
4) TAKE ME TO WALMART. I'm thinking ok, maybe he needs some toilet paper or bodywash or something, fine, let's swing by it's only another 10 minutes up the road...we split ways and agree to meet back at my truck in 20 minutes. I take our son to the toy aisle and let him pick out a toy ($15) and grab me some toothpaste
what does he get? he is standing at my truck with...
A 32" FLAT SCREEN TV, AN XBOX ARCADE, 2 GAMES, and AN EXTRA CONTROLLER
He spent his ENTIRE CHECK on TOYS FOR HIMSELF! I t took all I had to not complain, cry, scream, I didn't know what to do. It was not my money though so I just kept my mouth shut and took him to his house.
On the ride there, do you know what he says to me????
Oh boo I might need $100 of that back, I forgot I have to pay the light bill before it gets cut off! Oh and I might need a little help on rent too if you can, I can pay it next month but since I have to wait for 3 checks to show up it will be late so can you help me with the difference and I'll pay you back on October 16th or so?
I say "NO" plain as day and watch him carry his tv and stuff in his house and drive away. He didn't say anything else after that, he was too busy talking about how awesome the new game he got is and was asking me to stay and play with him but I said I had laundry to do and went home. I had no intentions of staying in the first place.
I'm speechless...but not suprised. He can enjoy that TV and xbox on the curb at the end of next month when they evict him
EDIT: and he didn't put gas in the truck either...LOL. I took the remainder of the money and put it in my son's bank account this morning.
Your list is important and can be helpful to you.
I suggest you print it out and read it to yourself every night. I'm not kidding - here's why.
It's easy to get caught up in life and miss the pattern we live over and over again. That's why it seem easier for others to hear out troubles and complaints and to them it all seems so clear. You have done a very healthy thing - it's a first step - put it on paper and read it. A pattern is easier to identify when you see it in print.
The next step would be to keep an accounting of what he owes you (money) and any payments he makes. This may help for legal reasons but the most helpful reason would be to keep track of what is is really doing - or not doing - towards his responsibility.
I need not say it - you know it; there is no real way to cut all communications with him. However, you must have very clear rules for his behavior. You must hold yourself accountable, too. You can't control what he does but you must limit your interest in it.
Take care of yourself.
Honey, you are getting something out of this relationship,
when you figure it out then tell us.
In the mean time
!Change your phone number or DO NOT ANSWER IT!
that is the first time I can remember using all caps!
he called my job and got past the receptionist (she's a temp and didn't know to screen my calls) and since i did check the webiste and saw he wasn't lying (the DC website shows disbursements too) I decided to do this ONE favor to give him a ride to the store....and also to get his visit with his son out the way since I got things to do this weekend.
I wasn't expecting nor asking for anything, it's just THIS happens. Hey it doesn't effect me only him At least 'Lil man got some $ out the deal
No need for me to go back or speak to him again until court day for the custody hearing (in November).
Your list is important and can be helpful to you.
I suggest you print it out and read it to yourself every night. I'm not kidding - here's why.
It's easy to get caught up in life and miss the pattern we live over and over again. That's why it seem easier for others to hear out troubles and complaints and to them it all seems so clear. You have done a very healthy thing - it's a first step - put it on paper and read it. A pattern is easier to identify when you see it in print.
The next step would be to keep an accounting of what he owes you (money) and any payments he makes. This may help for legal reasons but the most helpful reason would be to keep track of what is is really doing - or not doing - towards his responsibility.
I need not say it - you know it; there is no real way to cut all communications with him. However, you must have very clear rules for his behavior. You must hold yourself accountable, too. You can't control what he does but you must limit your interest in it.
Take care of yourself.
trust, I have it printed out near this PC, my front door, at my desk at work, etc etc. What he did does not affect me at all, only him. He'll figure it out on the 1st when rent is due and he doesn't even have 1/2 of it because he spent it on his shiny new toys. I hope they keep him warm at night...(oh wait if there is no electricty, they can't LOL!)
At least I got a new one to add to my list about him....
-WRONG PRIORITIES. Instead of paying rent, he bought toys...
Your list is important and can be helpful to you.
I suggest you print it out and read it to yourself every night. I'm not kidding - here's why.
It's easy to get caught up in life and miss the pattern we live over and over again. That's why it seem easier for others to hear out troubles and complaints and to them it all seems so clear. You have done a very healthy thing - it's a first step - put it on paper and read it. A pattern is easier to identify when you see it in print.
The next step would be to keep an accounting of what he owes you (money) and any payments he makes. This may help for legal reasons but the most helpful reason would be to keep track of what is is really doing - or not doing - towards his responsibility.
I need not say it - you know it; there is no real way to cut all communications with him. However, you must have very clear rules for his behavior. You must hold yourself accountable, too. You can't control what he does but you must limit your interest in it.
Take care of yourself.
no need for me to keep accounting, the state does it for me
ase Information
Case Number: 000xxxxxxx
You are the custodial parent.
Payment Information
The last six (6) payments to you from all your cases:
Most Recent Payments
07/31/2009 $ 71.82
07/29/2009 $ 140.29
07/17/2009 $ 175.36
07/15/2009 $ 140.29
07/02/2009 $ 28.93
07/01/2009 $ 23.14
Balance owed on account, including current support still due for this time period, interest charges, and any debt owed to the State of Virginia: $ 8,067.98
I log on to this daily as a reminder every time he asks me for so much as $1...
UPDATE: So.....yesterday...he actually got his unemployment check $2,6xx dollars, somehow they approved it! Well, you would think this would have an easy ending right?....wrong.
Guess what he does!
1) Calls me to ask me to cash his check (ok fine, I wouldn't want to walk around with almost 3k in cash!) so I swing by and take him to the checks cashed about 5 miles up the road.
2) He gets money orders to the penny for the amount they needed in order to put off the eviction...$1,5xx. So he has ~1050 at this point. I'm thinking ok, great, he has enough left over to pay October rent too and will have a little change to get some groceries...his next move?
3) he hands me $300 and says its for our son. I'm thinking, well ok, since he will have another check next week+ the 700 he has, he can pay his rent with that and I honestly thought he was trying to look out for me...but it all changed in 4 fateful words or 5 syllables...he said....
4) TAKE ME TO WALMART. I'm thinking ok, maybe he needs some toilet paper or bodywash or something, fine, let's swing by it's only another 10 minutes up the road...we split ways and agree to meet back at my truck in 20 minutes. I take our son to the toy aisle and let him pick out a toy ($15) and grab me some toothpaste
what does he get? he is standing at my truck with...
A 32" FLAT SCREEN TV, AN XBOX ARCADE, 2 GAMES, and AN EXTRA CONTROLLER
He spent his ENTIRE CHECK on TOYS FOR HIMSELF! I t took all I had to not complain, cry, scream, I didn't know what to do. It was not my money though so I just kept my mouth shut and took him to his house.
On the ride there, do you know what he says to me????
Oh boo I might need $100 of that back, I forgot I have to pay the light bill before it gets cut off! Oh and I might need a little help on rent too if you can, I can pay it next month but since I have to wait for 3 checks to show up it will be late so can you help me with the difference and I'll pay you back on October 16th or so?
I say "NO" plain as day and watch him carry his tv and stuff in his house and drive away. He didn't say anything else after that, he was too busy talking about how awesome the new game he got is and was asking me to stay and play with him but I said I had laundry to do and went home. I had no intentions of staying in the first place.
I'm speechless...but not suprised. He can enjoy that TV and xbox on the curb at the end of next month when they evict him
EDIT: and he didn't put gas in the truck either...LOL. I took the remainder of the money and put it in my son's bank account this morning.
Good for you! You are getting it. Now, I wouldn't have been able to hold back telling him what a stupid @#$ he is! I would have said point-blank (and it seems so obvious) that if you didn't buy TVs and video games you wouldn't have to ask for rent money.
But, alas, it really doesn't matter. He is a grown man, and is capable of making that decision. He just doesn't because he has had someone (namely YOU) bailing him out for too long.
Once you have kids with someone, you never really rid them out of your life. It doesn't sound like you'll ever see that $8,000. Any future checks he gets he'll repeat the same cycle...pay the overdue portion of rent, then spend the rest on himself. Next it will be clothes or some other toy. Not sure what to tell you, except the more you do for him, the easier you make it for him to pull this nonsense. Does he intimidate you in any way, or are you just a little too soft-hearted/headed?
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$2,6xx dollars, somehow they approved it! Well, you would think this would have an easy ending right?....wrong.
At least 'Lil man got some $ out the deal 
