This is more so just so I can know I am doing the right thing, and seeing it up in print so I can come back and read it whenever I feel the urge to go help or see him. I am speaking on my son's father (our son is 7).
He has already taken me for a ride over the past 9 years financially. I have bailed him out NUMEROUS times by:
- letting him move in with us when he had no place to go (and he'd stay for MONTHS and not contribute a penny, in fact driving up my light and food bills to twice their normal levels...the man HAD to have ribeye steaks and crab legs or shrimp EVERY WEEK when my son and I were fine with pork chops and chicken...the light bill doubled since he was on the pc/xbox (which are mine) all the time...
-paying for storage units to keep his stuff from being auctioned off (to the tune of $800+),
-paying for the cell phone bill he ran up ON HIS OWN to well over $1,000...my portion of the bill was $45!
-paying child support sporadically...just enough to keep him out of court (in VA where I live, as long as he makes A payment every 90 days, they will not prosecute him...so typically every 80 days, he;d mail in a few hundred bucks to keep them off his case. The arrears are currently at 8,000.
-can never seem to keep a job for more than 6-8 months. He does something to get himself laid off/fired or simply walks off the job. Funny how it always happens when I alert the child support office where he is working and subsequently his checks start getting garnished. After that, it's maybe one or 2 more months there then he gets "let go". Also, he keeps picking short-term contract or temp jobs (he is an office assistant/data entry person) instead of pursuing a permament job.
-he is a convicted felon (1 count simple drug possession charge from 15 years ago though, he has been clean ever since, completed his probation like 14 years ago, trust me I ran a background check on him with his permission) but uses THAT as an excuse as to why he can't get a permanent job. (he wants a security clearance and won't accept any job that won't lead to one). But with the amount of back child support he won't get it anyways
-He will never take his son to watch him so that i can get a break. The only time he sees him is if we ALL go somewhere together (like chuck e cheese or to eat out, on my dime of course). Dropping him off and me leaving to enjoy an afternoon alone? Never happens. I cannot force him to take him alone so I don't even try anymore. There is no established visitation, I came over out of the kindness of my heart and to ensure our son knew who his daddy was. I am not the type to keep a child away from his father, no matter how much money he owes us.
and here we are today. He is on the verge of getting evicted from his apartment. He has only paid 1/2 of this month's rent and obviously won't have september's rent by the 5th (when it is considered late at that point) so I'm guessing around September 10 his apartment complex will file the unlawful detainer and he will be evicted by the end of next month. Honestly, I don't even see how he even GOT the apartment. I know they saw the back child support due on his report and the fact he only had 2 credit cards (both maxxed out) but somehow he still had a credit score of 600. And they accepted his paystubs from the TEMP AGENCY (knowing the job was NOT guarenteed). Once again, he had another 6 month temp assignment and lost it. He did file for unemployment, but there is a dispute on his claim (I'm betting the farm he did not get laid off as he says, i am betting he got fired) so his funds are being held up. He has an appointment with social services for food stamps and rent assistance, but no guarentees there either.
He just called me crying asking if I can't help him with the rent (I gave him an emphatethic NO) then can I at least come today with a weeks worth of food for him to eat. He is crying to see his son (as an excuse to get me to come over there and work on my kind nature to manipulate me into saving him once again) as well.
I am going to let him sit and starve today while my son and I enjoy a nice pot roast I have cooking now in the slow cooker and make some homemade biscuits together.
Any comments, suggestions, critisicm positive and negative welcome. I need to hear it. I know I'm codependent since I have a "rescue" complex and I'm trying to stop. All he has to do is cry and whine and then throw in the "i want us all to be together as a family today" and I am on my way to save him from whatever (homelessness, hunger, keeping his phone on, etc.) NOT TODAY. He will need to suffer and figure out his own solution this time. I am takign money and time away from my son in trying to help him...it would be ok if I knew I would get the help back but I never do (he never repaid me for ANY of the bills he created for me before). If/when he gets another paycheck or unemployment check, he will probably pay his rent, but then proceed to blow the rest on clothes and video games for HIMSELF. He hasn't even bought his son a basketball hoop set he wanted for his birthday back in june (only $60 at the toys r us)...I ended up buying it and telling him it was from his father to save face. Why, I don't know. Christmas was the same, bought a few toys and tagged them "from daddy". My phone just rang as I am typing this, it was him texting "boo if you could at least bring me a few packs of chicken and some rice or something from the store and some gatorade since its so hot I'd appreciate that".......I have not responded. I am about to just go no contact cold turkey and not speak to him again unless it is in regards to the welfare of our child. I have done MORE THAN enough for him.
JUst skimming through my checkbook now, I have spent ~$800 this year so far on food for him, helped him out with $400 of the security deposit of the apartment he is in now, $100 on his cell phone (he has a prepaid now), not to mention numerous trips we all went to eat, chuck e cheese, the fair, other activities we did in which he took part too and never seemed to have much money to put in. Example: DC BBQ battle that was back in July. Costs $10 a person to get in+ you have to buy food when you get in there. He promises to "take care of us" so I agree to go. I drive us to DC (He doesn't drive)...he pays the gate fare for the 3 of us to get in...then when I want to sample some Kansas City BBQ I order some. The plate cost $6. He looks at me to pay for it, saying "I paid for us to get in, that was all the money I had, I had no idea it was going to be so expensive!"
SO I shelled out an additional $100 that day to ensure we all ate, had ice cream, got to play games, etc and I bought ME and OUR SON a tshirt but didn't get him one. Then he wanted to complain when I told him no!
Sorry for the essay, just wanted to get it all out.
Thanks for reading, any comments welcome. I recognize him for what he is now, a manipulator and I recognice I am co-dependent. Maybe I am waiting and hoping for him to change...but he won't. I have had 9 years to see that. He offers to marry me and I say no everytime. I am just glad nothing of his is in my name now.
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If he wants to see his son, then he should be the one to initiate the process. Don't force your son to be with his father at this time....he needs to get his s*** together in a big way. 
