Young Widow Now Ready to Date Again

[chancelace]

Thank you!! You all gave me such good advice and I really appreciate it. Some of the things you suggested I didn't even think of, so again, thank you.

[Sunnydee]

I'm sorry for your loss. I commend you for waiting three years, concentrating on your kids, and getting your life in order before you decided to jump back into dating. You've done everything the experts recommend. There are nice guys out there, but it sometimes takes awhile to find them. You can meet men virtually anywhere, but church groups might be a good place to start because you are so strong in your faith. You might also try Parents Without Partners because everyone there is in your situation and understands about kids. I wish you well, thank you and your deceased husband for your sacrifices, and hope that you find someone worthy of you.

[Beena]

Find a man who already has kids. It will give you a chance to see what kind of a father he is and greatly increase your odds that he will actually want to be a father figure to your kids.

You will meet countless single guys without kids who will proclaim to love, honor, and get in your pants. Run from them.

[exhibitionist392009]

I am a Christian man and been in law enforcement for years. i am back in college RN class. I was married briefly to a women such as yourself. People when i was trying to meet her said she has 3 kids. i said at that time! i am 32 everyone i meet or date over 18 has 1-2 kids. ANyways i was her 4th husband and she was 30. it wasn't the guys after all !! The size 1 perfect body long curly hair suckered me. And ohh did i love her sooo!

To answer the 1st thing. Go out with a male friend that will give you honest review. and after the evening if he says you mentioned your husband numerous times or if he feels he knows a lot more about him and almost nothing about you, then it's too soon. i actually ruined a lot of potential partners it took me a little over 2 yrs to be able to date. The ones i went out with prior said you gotta let her go.I would even drag out photos. In the event you are ready. Don't rush. Date 3-4 different people make no committments your looking for the best one so dont settle or u might miss the best deal God has for you.

Lastly don't even introduce a new man to the kids, for atleast i would say 4 months longer if u can. it takes between 8-12 months to really get to know someone. You don't want to bring in a guy into there lives then him flake off cuz its not just you but they will get attached easy especially those ages. focus more on u and spending more time with the kiddos than a man. they need you too. I still grieve not seing my 3 stepkids. they were awesome. we use to go to the lake with snorkles and get clams cut open and feed the brim and perch by hand. we played softball baseball had a huge garden they helped with. and she has some thing about them never seeing any ex husbands after a divorce now they have had 1 dad 4 stepdads. i told trevor when he gets 15 or so call me . he is 12.5 now. hope i helped. Good luck and PRAY PRAY PRAY. I have a feeling your husband has a hand in this. he is going to help guide you to the best fill in till you meet him in Glory again,. So YOU GO GIRL!!! Let it come to you cuz there pwers tht be in charge!!

P.S. One thing once you get him then your new blended family needs to be one. Don't ever make your husband feel like you and the kids have a family you and he has a family . You and the kids can make him feel like he is an outsider or intruder. iknow at first we got married too soon. 7 months and she would do something and it was screw up. we woul dargue and wow could she yell!!! well then the 3 kids would end up huddled around her i would have 8 eyes leering at me like i was evil, and i hadn't done anything never elevated my voice. never cursed or anything i was diplomatic and jjst explained she was wrong. i taught the kids same thing,.. if they apologized for doing something wrong to me Never Did i SAY " OH ITS ALRIGHT." I said Trevor or Autumn or Jacy I said " WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG;" ITS NOT ALRIGHT TO DO THAT. But NOW YOUVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON. AND I APPRECIATE YOUR APOLOGY AND ITS ACCEPTED." I didnt want them to think it wasnt wrong. And children hear what you say not the deeper meaning,. If they punch you and run off. they cry and come back and say momma im sorry. You say oh its alright. A lot of times there little minds hear its alright its ok it wasnt wrong. and then it happens again. not that you needed parenting 101 bt anyhow. felt led! My son is a senior and 17. i just turned 39 so hopefully he will graduate and i will have 8 months left of my RN then Ciao God Bless

[dadeguy]

my dad lost his mom when he was 12. my granddad after a period of one year started dating again (in 1941) he met several ladies that he cared for but ultimately took my dad aside and allow my dad to say which woman would be his stepmom.

my dad made an awesome choice. my grandparents went on to have a marriage that lasted from 1942 to 1978 when my granddad died and that woman was the best grandmother a kid could want.

I'm glad my dad shared that story with us kids. my sister's first husband turned out to a wife beating drunk turd. when she dumped him she allowed her three boys to pick stepdad, that was 25 years ago or so.

if I were to have found myself in a similar situation with young kids (too late for me ) I would have allowed them to help with the choice as well.

Thank you and your family for your husband's service to our country and I truly grieve for your loss. may God bless you and keep you safe always.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by dadeguy

my dad lost his mom when he was 12. my granddad after a period of one year started dating again (in 1941) he met several ladies that he cared for but ultimately took my dad aside and allow my dad to say which woman would be his stepmom.

my dad made an awesome choice. my grandparents went on to have a marriage that lasted from 1942 to 1978 when my granddad died and that woman was the best grandmother a kid could want.

While this sounds warm and fuzzy and happened to have a good outcome, it's wrong to let children make such decisions in adults' lives. It's pretty common today, but I'm surprised to hear it happened back in 1941.

[VillageLife]

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't try to introduce your kids to the guy unless you are pretty sure. It will be very confusing for the kids to be close to one guy,thinking that they will be in their lives. The kids need security.

[exhibitionist392009]

I been thinking about ya. Ok first be still and know that he is God. Thats not saying if he moves you to go to costco,Kroger etc. that you dont need to move. Sometimes we focus to hard. When the time is right if u will llow God will reveal the perfect man for u in that time. In the Mean time. Take some notes.

If you are looking at a grocery/discount store. Be observant. What is he buying. Tuna, Cereal,Frozen dinners are a good sign he is single. Half gallon of milk means he is alone! gallon probably dad and kid/s does he have any hygeine products comet, clorox wipes. these are cleanliness signs. is it all jumbled in cart or fairly neat. = organizational skills/sloppy clothes? you can teach him style!! but is it sloppy not clean really wrinkled? means its not hung=sloppy/lazy. try to see finger nails shaving etc . just think you want a spouse not another child.

since Christ is a big part of your life act a little inept on your part give a partial scripture. and see if he is adept in answering some or any. Some guys will say oh yeah go to church love God but then u ask them about doubting thomas he say WHO? Or Ruth most people that were raised in or around it will have picked up john 3;16 or funerals psalms 23. but say something like what that scripture its ma 6'33 seek ye first ummm and he should say the kingdom of God and all his reighteousness and all these things shall be added unto u. or greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. or though cant take of the cup of the Lord and the cup of devils.

You Want to do a full investigation. I know this sounds crude to Civian population but its your life and 3 kids. make him go to the police dept or sheriffs or a state police troop. for maybe nothing or $10 they will take his fingerprints for state and fbi. They can QNF Query name file him on the spot by name and D.O.B does he have criminal history any violence never know could be sex offender. And know yall are all saying the COP is too much. But maybe so but at the same time better safe than DEAD. Go online with him and go to Moderator cut: Company name u can get free report for all 3 experian transunion and equifax for free 1 time a year. why do this? it affects everything. My ex wifes credit cost us $200 more a month for insuranse on our vehicles. we couldnt have bought a house with her on it. the rent here is also now differential on credit i pay $80 less than girl across from me.

most of the people oline dating sites have been on them for years. i went to yahoo today and looked same girls that were on it before i was married and even same pictures from 6 yrs ago. Majrity are Bi-Polar=CRAZY

if you go to where he lives make the first stop unannounced. Rude- YES but hey you want to see him in normal element. not after the maid left. look in fridge is it got food or drinks bread and a thing of bologni. use the restroom check medicine cab or look for where meds are fake a headache say u got a tyenol or aspirin check out what meds,. if u have to write em down are they for ****zophrenia etc. check his vehicle a lot of guys have pickups si the bed full of trash or beer cans. are there cigarette butts or ashes along window drivers side. and he says he doesnt smoke... now the only thing you have left is a few personal references.

Family is best but be slick. Go to Moderator cut: Company name and put his name in and state it will bring up family members take one of those name and put in it will bring up a little farther extended family. call em if listed if not keep going on etending family farhter check stability. has he had several jobs does he have goals. ok and the last thing and this irritates everyone but i don't see the problem.

Say you do meet someone. either online or not. more than likely they will have a tagged mysapce facebook hi5 twitter or some kind of site. ask and get on as his friend if he allows. Ok now here is the part everyone dissagrees I don't trust anyone but Jesus!!! So type in female model pictures. and snag u 6-8 pics of same girl. and yes it will take u a little bit but if he is computer savy and can read IP addresses you will need to do the picture swipping from the library or local college computer and make a FAKE profile this is after of course he has committed to you. u make fake facebook put 4 pics of te girl on there save 2-4 in case he request more maybe to make sure she is real. u request to be his friend. he adds your fake girl . you will need to make a fake email as well for same. a good way to check is if your on each others yahoo messenger and u type fast send him message on yahoo at same tume message him on facebook messsenger from this super fly hard bodied girl. and see if he takes longer to reply to you cuz he is messaging her. then push it. ask as her do u have someone? would u liek to go out.? make it plain its a date for relationship. or he can say ohhh i was just gonna be friends. but anyhow thats why i quit online dating or chating for a mate they all failed that miserably. one after she had a ring on her finger and a yr down the road i left her fb cuz i didnt like the pic comments guys were making and she wouldn't let me tell them it was innapropriate beavior. so there comments degrading stayed i left well it took the 3rd fake profile before she fell. and she really questioned the guy she said he looked like from foreign place, he said yes. she said where he said immediatly malawi she said something in zulu common in malawi and he answered her in zulu. she was hmm ok then he never ever tried to ask her out nuthing she did she aksed him to comment behind her on someones page and agree with her. after cple hrs she said your my man. he said huh like pal she said no. he(I) said don't u have someone? she said yeah but he is no good. i want you. then i message her from yahoo she says hey. i said u on fb? nooo i said good. then i am typing as mark and she si replying and forgets her fiance 3 times first time i went to get drink second went bAthroom. 3rd she fell asleep. funny since she was fine on marks im. so i get frustrated with her. i said well i will call u on the phone b4 i go to sleep i called and statrted texting her on fb as mark bam bam bam and she was typing answers and she got mad me talking to her on the phone said i will call u back im sick. then she talked to me as mark for 2 more hours forgot to call and then said when she texted my phone she just leaving dr. i confronted her. said he emailed me. she said he is liar i didnt' then she looked back and said oh nooooo you are him then i got thourough cussing. and hung up. i had been on her fb for 4 weeks. well few days later she realizez she dont have me or fake me. so she says it wasnt her typuing to him or on her fb it was her sister. wheeewwww i was born at nite but it wasn't last nite. so i am done.


JUST BE CAREFUL. People have so many hidden things. its yours and your childrens life. nothing is too much to check.

[UrbanBlasphemy]

Originally Posted by exhibitionist392009

JUST BE CAREFUL. People have so many hidden things. its yours and your childrens life. nothing is too much to check.

Aight dude, frankly, you just went and pissed me off.

Thing is, this is exactly the things that are NOT to be done, and I sincerely hope that the OP realizes this.

Ok, about quoting scripture. I'll tell you this, I've known people who can use those words like a sword, literally cutting people a new one just because they have more knowledge than another. This is crap. It's absolute rubbish. I've known people who have been true to their beliefs, but couldn't remember a single scripture if they had to. There's a difference between memorizing lines, and knowing the meaning behind those lines. Personally, I'd rather know the meaning more than remembering the line word for word. I won't get into a big religious debate here, but I will say this: Christians are known by their ACTIONS, not their words. Make sense?

Next..

About this whole bi-polar thing. Seriously dude, have you ever met someone that has bi-polar disorder? By simply casting out a blanket statement saying that anyone who has this disorder is crazy, well, that just shows ignorance on your part. Most of the time, it is a physical condition - not much different from having cancer or any other disease. It's a chemical imbalance, that CAN be treated. Read some of the other damn posts on here about it, and maybe you'll get it. Thing is, by making a statement like that just shows how ignorant you are on the stupid. Read: Ignorant, not stupid. There's hope for you yet, just do your research and educate yourself.

Ok, moving on...

You want to INVESTIGATE a potential date? C'mon.. Nothing spells "distrust" like a good ole investigation. So here she is, she's found this amazing guy, and then she goes and looks him up and sees that he has a history. Maybe he got thrown in jail when he was 18 for doing something stupid.. Maybe one of his so called friends was a drug dealer, and it just so happens that he was with that person when they got busted. Ok, so now maybe he didn't know that person so well, and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hell, he could have been a straight A student, but made one mistake. She sees this and freaks out, next thing ya know a potentially good thing has just been ruined because of a misunderstanding. Of course he goes to Church now, he's cubmaster, he contributes to charity.. but because of one mistake poof? Seriously..

And even if there's nothing there, just by her act of looking something up spells disaster. If she doesn't trust him at the start, well, there will never be any trust there. I know that there won't be any from him.. Hell, he's just had his private live invaded by someone he hardly knows.. My first thought? Psychofreak. I'd leave that chick alone.

Ok, right.. And now?

You're getting online and posing as a fake person? You do realize that there are laws against that now.. Even if there's not any laws on that where your from, there's always the TOS from the website. I can promise that they all say that you're not allowed to use fake names to get on their website. You talk about tracking IP addresses and all that.. these websites could track yours as well - it's not that hard to do.

I digress..

Thing is, just getting on and spying on someone else is just childish. It makes me think of something that my 14 year old nephew would do.. Again, there's the trust issue rising up again to bite you in the ass.

The bottom line is this: Before giving out "advice", think things through. The person that originated this topic sounds like a very sweet lady.. She doesn't need to be overwhelmed with things that could potentially devistate a relationship.

If she really wants to get to know someone, and not be afraid of all the crap you talk about, she can ask those probing questions that needs to be asked. She can spend time with the guy and take things slow, getting to know him and ENJOYING getting to know him. Sure, she should be careful.. but I think that she's adult enough to realize that.

Enough of this crap... moving on..