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The only part I don't like is him being afraid that you'll find someone else. That's a pretty big red flag for me, since it CAN lead to: I'm afraid you'll meet someone...at work...at the grocery store...at the gym...etc. etc. etc. Reassure him by making a pact that you will cheerfully turn down any guy that shows interest in you until you get back, and you and he can determine if you have any future together. If he's still worried after that? Proceed with caution.
If your plans are flexible, how about a compromise? Go on part of your overseas trip and ask him if he will show you New York. Having known him in school, each of you brings more to the relationship than just a couple of dates, so I don't think it's a red flag that such topics as relocation and marriage are popping up in your conversations.
Can he get some vacation time to join you overseas? Is it feasible for him to come from NY to do so? You could meet up with him in Paris, don't know if you're headed that way, but it's always a good city for romance, and then you an finalize plans to return through NY and have him as your guide.
I can say that as a guy, he's serious if he's joking about proposals, since he might be testing the waters, yet probably does not want to alter your plans. He is not going to say not to go on your trip, precisely because he cares about you, and I'd let him know that you're open to taking the relationship to the next level. If he jokes about marriage again, you should laugh and tell him that he'd better be careful because a couple of clicks of the BlackBerry and it's a tweet for the world to see and then he has to follow through.
Good luck whatever you decide to do, but I'd see if there were not a way to merge both of your schedules into a fun time abroad and then in NY.
__________________
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
After only TWO dates? He NEVER asked her to move there with him he just offered her a place to stay if she VISITS. Uhm, changing your plans with this as the 'offer' is just having a screw loose at this point. Fly out of NY stay with him before you go and have him pick you up at the airport when you get back.
Sometimes your 'soul mate' isn't your mate - often they teach us the hardest lessons in life.
Boy do I ever know this but lessons in life can be hard learned...yet you don't know unless you try...you only get to live sooo long.
The only part I don't like is him being afraid that you'll find someone else. That's a pretty big red flag for me, since it CAN lead to: I'm afraid you'll meet someone...at work...at the grocery store...at the gym...etc. etc. etc. Reassure him by making a pact that you will cheerfully turn down any guy that shows interest in you until you get back, and you and he can determine if you have any future together. If he's still worried after that? Proceed with caution.
Isn't everyone a little fearful of losing someone of their love interest...wandering eyes can always lead to the ocean with many fish in the sea.
Isn't everyone a little fearful of losing someone of their love interest...wandering eyes can always lead to the ocean with many fish in the sea.
Hi Raena77,
Then so much to the made for each other shtick. So not me. Why not just move on yourself then? I liked the long distance relationship especially after college. If I dated locally, I would probably be single. I was usually board the 3rd time around in any dating scene where people would end up figuring out the tip at some restaurant. Unless its $50 for the entree it was usually worse than I could do at home and far less interesting.
I was with lots of people in college because I really liked setting something up with a few friends and having them over at my apartment. Indoor volleyball was happening too or other things like it. I remember when I brought home some fish I caught from the spillway and was filleting them and one girl who came by the shared apartment I was in 1 year, stood there in a dress and high heels when I stunk of fish and said she would clean her father's fish all the time while I was skinning a channel cat fish. I think she may have been made for me. Post college, its pathetic where it all ends up at Baker's Square.
I was happy to do long distance. I knew I had someone for the long hall because it took effort, and we were always there when we called. We had several mind blowing meetings in different part of the world. It was like a movie. Now I am happily married for over 5 years. Its hard, but also blissful and intense.
Never change your plans for a man. Go travel, you may never get another chance. If he is your soul mate, he'll be there when you return. Enjoy yourself, find yourself, DO NOT cancel your plans.
I agree. Two dates is too soon. I'd take the 8 months, that's not a long time. If he's interested he'll be waiting for you. And about NY, I'd go there after the trip, but I wouldn't move with him. Again, too soon.
I have been on two dates with this guy I used to know in school. We got back in touch recently and have REALLY hit it off. We are both in our early 30s, never married, no kids. Even though we've only been on two dates it seems obvious to both of us we were made for each other!
Everything is perfect. We click perfectly on ALL levels. We have so much in common, so much to talk about, same sense of humor, etc. I never got along so well with anyone before. And both of us are kind of "weird" so it's not often we meet people we really click with. It just seems we were made for each other. We are perfect together. In all the years I have dated this has never happened to me before where someone fit so perfectly.
Thing is, he lives in New York and I'm about to go abroad for 8 months.
But it seems he is strongly hinting he wants me to join him in New York. He hasn't come right out and said it, but he has said some jokey things along those lines. For instance, he said "Instead of moving abroad you should have moved to New York." He also seems jealous like I might meet another guy and he told me to tell him if I do, and to tell him if I decide to come home early.
He also said he is confused because he wants me to know he is really interested in me, but at the same time he said he is afraid of freaking me out or seeming too eager, since we've only hung out twice.
I'm more than willing to move to NY to be with him, to give it a shot, see how things work out. My life is uprooted right now. I've got nothing to lose. I already quit my old job, I'm putting me house up for rent, etc. Nothing is tying me down where I am. But also scared to tell him that, scared he might freak out. But I know he's feeling the same way! What should I do? Thanks!
Im glad youve found someone you hit if off with. But, it takes a whole lot more than 2 dates to objectively ascertain if youve found your 'soul mate' as in desiring to be with one another for a lifetime. The first 6 months is a big infactuation stage where emotions are high , youre both on your best behaviour, and you are in a condition called love-struck. ALL Psychologists suggest waiting to get beyond this stage ...well beyond this stage so you dont make wrong lifetime decisions. The time period from about 9 months - 2 years is a very telling time where youve settled in with each other emotionally and you are in a much better state of mind for making objective decisions regarding your destiny together. This time period allows you to see one another under many various circumstances ...some very trying . It also allows you the opportunity to work thru negotiations that arise, and sometimes just flat out stubbornness. You need to give it a whole bunch of time to make sure you are going in the right direction with the relationship . A really great book on thinking objectively is the best selling book called : Finding the Love of your Life. MANY wish they had read this book BEFORE getting married ! Be careful, because you cant always trust your feelings.
live your life and enjoy your freedom while still maintaining a link to this guy. be clear about it. say you want to continue dating, but want to take advantage of this opportunity to be abroad.
if its meant to be, its meant to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyogirl
I have been on two dates with this guy I used to know in school. We got back in touch recently and have REALLY hit it off. We are both in our early 30s, never married, no kids. Even though we've only been on two dates it seems obvious to both of us we were made for each other!
Everything is perfect. We click perfectly on ALL levels. We have so much in common, so much to talk about, same sense of humor, etc. I never got along so well with anyone before. And both of us are kind of "weird" so it's not often we meet people we really click with. It just seems we were made for each other. We are perfect together. In all the years I have dated this has never happened to me before where someone fit so perfectly.
Thing is, he lives in New York and I'm about to go abroad for 8 months.
But it seems he is strongly hinting he wants me to join him in New York. He hasn't come right out and said it, but he has said some jokey things along those lines. For instance, he said "Instead of moving abroad you should have moved to New York." He also seems jealous like I might meet another guy and he told me to tell him if I do, and to tell him if I decide to come home early.
He also said he is confused because he wants me to know he is really interested in me, but at the same time he said he is afraid of freaking me out or seeming too eager, since we've only hung out twice.
I'm more than willing to move to NY to be with him, to give it a shot, see how things work out. My life is uprooted right now. I've got nothing to lose. I already quit my old job, I'm putting me house up for rent, etc. Nothing is tying me down where I am. But also scared to tell him that, scared he might freak out. But I know he's feeling the same way! What should I do? Thanks!
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