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It's just that in college, like someone else on here said, you're surrounded by young people your age, mostly everyone is single, and the only thing to do is hang out around campus with your friends or your friends' friends.
It was so easy to meet and date girls in college; you'd see some girl in class, then run into her again at some party, and just the fact that you shared a class and knew a mutual friend was enough to blow her away, start a conversation and score a girlfriend (or at the very, very least, a make out session for the night)
But now that I've graduated and I'm back home, it's so hard to meet girls. I don't know that many people in my home town. There're no classmates, no parties to go to (and if there are, I'm not getting invited to them) no raging party goers who want to "introduce you to this chick" and so forth.
I only worked up the nerve to talk to this girl at a cafe a few weeks ago, and when I got her number and got a date with her, I was so excited, but she flaked a whole bunch of times and never called or responded to me again. The whole ordeal was a huge let down and very discouraging to me.
I always knew life after college would be tough; having to work, fewer nights to party and let loose, but I never thought I would have to face it alone. I don't even have the slightest prospect of a date now because I haven't met any girls except for that one flake since college.
I just want to know if there's anything to look forward to. Did anyone else have trouble dating or just meeting people after college? And will it get better?
Last edited by Brown Leather Jacket; 11-12-2009 at 10:55 PM..
It's just that in college, like someone else on here said, you're surrounded by young people your age, mostly everyone is single, and the only thing to do is hang out around campus with your friends or your friends' friends.
It was so easy to meet and date girls in college; you'd see some girl in class, then run into her again at some party, and just the fact that you shared a class and knew a mutual friend was enough to blow her away, start a conversation and score a girlfriend (or at the very, very least, a make out session for the night)
But now that I graduated and I'm back home, it's so hard to meet girls. I don't know that very many people in my home town. There's no classmates, no parties to go to (and if there are, I'm not getting invited to them) no raging party goers who want to "introduce you to this chick" and so forth.
I only worked up the nerve to talk to this girl at a cafe a few weeks ago, and when I got her number and got a date with her, I was so excited, but she flaked a whole bunch of times and never called or responded to me again. The whole or deal was a huge let down and very discouraging to me.
I always knew life after college would be tough; having to work, fewer nights to party and let loose, but I never thought I would have to face it alone. I don't even have the slightest prospect of a date now because I haven't met any girls except for that one flake since college.
I just want to know if there's anything to look forward to. Did anyone else have trouble dating or just meeting people after college? And will it get better?
It WILL get better, but you have to make that happen
I know it's tougher now that you are in the real world, but it's certainly not impossible. You just have to be willing to join some groups, maybe even a thriving church community.
I know one great way to meet lots of people is to join a meetup group. Every big city has these groups. They usually center around a particular interest. So what do you like to do? Bowl? Hike? Photography? Whatever your interests just google meetup groups, your city, your interest - something will likely pop up and you'll have a good starting point. Best of luck to you!
I have the same problem. College was so much easier to meet people but life after college, while awesome in a lot of respects, sucks for meeting women. I live in the suburbs which stinks even more. I might move early next year.
I've been doing the online dating thing. I've had quite a few dates, but most of the girls on dating sites flake out after a short while. I'm looking for something serious at this point in my life which is hard to find through sites.
I have a decent amount of friends, both male and female but in the past two years I've only been set up once by friends. My non single friends don't really know anyone to set me up with. What really sucks is I don't want to go to bars by myself, but none of my friends are real bar goers. But even when I had a bar group bars really sucked for meeting people anyways.
I joined an animal shelter but not many people in the mid twenties there, although I do enjoy the actual work there so that's ok. Meetup.com is pretty beat around here. I might have to find another way of finding stuff around the area. I don't want to do church since I'm not religious at all. Still scratching my head trying to figure it all out...but I guess it only takes one girl...
While you're in college, there are numerous things that bring people together: Parties, football games, etc.. When you first meet someone, all of the questions are pretty much the same: What year are you, where are you from, what are you in for? It's easy to date in college - everyone is basically on the same page. They are all here for the same reason, and everyone has something in common.
But, after college, you have to face the real world. That's when dating gets hard.
Now, you've posted several time about generally the same thing - how to meet girls, what to say, where to meet them, etc. One of the reasons I posted "How to meet chicks" was because of your questions. Actually, there were a lot of similar questions being asked being asked by other people, so I figured that I would reply to all of them in a new topic. Go back and read over that, and try to understand what's said there. In addition, look around on the web, there are numerous blogs that are there for that sole reason.
I will tell you this though, it does get better. Everyone goes through that adjustment period.. it's just life. Now you have to figure out how to meet people without knowing if you have anything in common with them. You have to figure out where to meet them. You have to figure out how to talk to them once you are introduced. It'll take awhile to get things figured out, but you'll get there.
The biggest thing here is this: Don't give up, and don't get discouraged. The more you put yourself out there, the more people you'll meet, and the more dates you'll have.
Don't be afraid to just go for it.
I wish ya the best man..
Last edited by UrbanBlasphemy; 11-12-2009 at 11:12 PM..
Reason: Forgot to capitalize. I know, I'm anal. :|
Location: somewhere close to Tampa, but closer to the beach
2,035 posts, read 5,034,927 times
Reputation: 1099
Besides my two years spent back home in CA., ive never had too much trouble meeting people where ever ive been..since what would have been my four year college days (i went for a semester after high school and realized that i was not ready..then moved to KS..)..
Now, while my experiences may have been different, the one thing to remember is to just get out there..and be present..
Even if you only hit up a local bar once in a while..do it..
Go to Concerts, festivals, what ever suits you, just get out there and carry yourself with confidence..
Through my twenties..and now into my thirties, ive met more people then i could possibly count on twenty hands..and know that i will continue to..
And while some people dread reaching thirty,..i was glad to..and it's been a blast..even if i still haven't met the woman i want to share my life with just yet...I have a feeling she isn't all that far off....Ive had to get my stuff streight before we could meet...and after having that time to really get to know myself... i know that will only benifet what we will have when we meet...
Sure i can say that there have been times, experiences where i wish someone was there but when i look back on some of it, im kind of glad i wasn't married...because he women in my life at that time were not the right ones ...Just enjoy yourself..it will come when the time is right...
Besides my two years spent back home in CA., ive never had too much trouble meeting people where ever ive been..since what would have been my four year college days (i went for a semester after high school and realized that i was not ready..then moved to KS..)..
Now, while my experiences may have been different, the one thing to remember is to just get out there..and be present..
Even if you only hit up a local bar once in a while..do it..
Go to Concerts, festivals, what ever suits you, just get out there and carry yourself with confidence..
Through my twenties..and now into my thirties, ive met more people then i could possibly count on twenty hands..and know that i will continue to..
And while some people dread reaching thirty,..i was glad to..and it's been a blast..even if i still haven't met the woman i want to share my life with just yet...I have a feeling she isn't all that far off....Ive had to get my stuff streight before we could meet...and after having that time to really get to know myself... i know that will only benifet what we will have when we meet...
Sure i can say that there have been times, experiences where i wish someone was there but when i look back on some of it, im kind of glad i wasn't married...because he women in my life at that time were not the right ones ...Just enjoy yourself..it will come when the time is right...
I'm not even looking to get married yet. I'm not even looking for the "right one." I'm just looking for ANY one; any girl.
Like I said, it's always irked me when people complained about not meeting the "right girl" or "the one," when I can't seem to meet any girl right now, regardless of whether or not she's "the one" or "the right girl or not."
I'd welcome and enjoy even just a casual one time makeout session but I can't even get just that.
I'm not even looking to get married yet. I'm not even looking for the "right one." I'm just looking for ANY one; any girl.
Like I said, it's always irked me when people complained about not meeting the "right girl" or "the one," when I can't seem to meet any girl right now, regardless of whether or not she's "the one" or "the right girl or not."
I'd welcome and enjoy even just a casual one time makeout session but I can't even get just that.
It'll happen, just don't look for it. Find activities to occupy yourself and suround yourself with a variety of people. It will happen and there is someone for everyone... Like urban said, don't get discouraged. That alone will affect how you interact with a lady...and in essence, c-block yourself.
Location: somewhere close to Tampa, but closer to the beach
2,035 posts, read 5,034,927 times
Reputation: 1099
I'll let some of our Female members share their thoughts.. And god no, you are not ready to settle...you may be ready after you have passed through this stage..just an observation...just enjoy the ride for awhile..and build upon your confidence..
It's just that in college, like someone else on here said, you're surrounded by young people your age, mostly everyone is single, and the only thing to do is hang out around campus with your friends or your friends' friends.
It was so easy to meet and date girls in college; you'd see some girl in class, then run into her again at some party, and just the fact that you shared a class and knew a mutual friend was enough to blow her away, start a conversation and score a girlfriend (or at the very, very least, a make out session for the night)
But now that I've graduated and I'm back home, it's so hard to meet girls. I don't know that many people in my home town. There're no classmates, no parties to go to (and if there are, I'm not getting invited to them) no raging party goers who want to "introduce you to this chick" and so forth.
I only worked up the nerve to talk to this girl at a cafe a few weeks ago, and when I got her number and got a date with her, I was so excited, but she flaked a whole bunch of times and never called or responded to me again. The whole ordeal was a huge let down and very discouraging to me.
I always knew life after college would be tough; having to work, fewer nights to party and let loose, but I never thought I would have to face it alone. I don't even have the slightest prospect of a date now because I haven't met any girls except for that one flake since college.
I just want to know if there's anything to look forward to. Did anyone else have trouble dating or just meeting people after college? And will it get better?
Okay. It sounds like in college you thought yourself quite the ladies man. However, what I see is that you had access to easy hookups and some FWB's. But did you ever have a long term girlfriend in college? As women get older, they are less interested in short term flings and more keen on dating a guy with long term potential. Mature adult women don't want to be a notch on a man's belt. No one wants to be a conquest. If you've never had a steady real romance for more than a couple of dates, then maybe you're giving off a vibe of being a wannabe player or just an FWB with the pretty women you are trying to meet now.
Yes, it will get better, so try not to get so discouraged.
It is a big adjustment to go from college to the work force/real world. I think everyone I know has gone through this phase and made it out the other side. The important thing is to just get out there, jump into life, and when an opportunity presents itself you need to go for it. Approach women you are attracted to, let your friends and coworkers know you are looking, go places where other singles are and mingle. You'll get shot down a few times, but don't dwell on that, the more shots you take the more you'll make. You can do this.
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