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I had a rough weekend, and something unusual happened, it was 11 pm in night , Saturday night and we were very desperate for rest, my son not able to sleep or even rest by himself , so I was frustrated and kind of scolding him what is the matter( he is little more than 2 years), I was on couch with him and my wife then came and spanked him first on his legs twice and then slapped him, while he was on my lap, this infuriated me so much that I raised my hand on her but fell short of hitting her as something stopped me at right time, she was angry , very disappointed and felt i actually hit her, but the fact being I fell short and I just could hold my hand near her cheek , else it could really have been a slap.
For me that is a big thing because I am very against physical thing, I dont like getting violent and all. but I just could not control this time despite repeatedly requesting her not to hit
And probably my son and daughter noticed this , I am not sure if my dauther noticed or not, but my son did notice, she was angry and she said she wants divorce and all, and that night passed away, then sunday was ok, she was quiet all day, we went out with son in evening,
she did ask me if she had done this what would I have done, I said if there was sincere apology the I would have thought about it
Second I asked her, you know that I dont like you hitting him, I said when you spanked him twice on legs, I did not say anything, then you slapped him too, I asked her, what is that I should do? should I call police? should I walk out of home and leave you? I asked her give me an answer, she was silent and had no answer.
She just said it will take her time to let this go, again the problem between daughter and my wife is also getting between, my daughter being adamnant and my wife stubborn, its impossible at times for me, really , I feel tired and feel as if nothing is going to change.
we are seeing the counselor and also are on anti depressants
Almost everytime there is a fight, my wife would say seperation is only the solution or she wants divorce , but she will not do anything to get it.
Is this normal? how good is a relationship when things are good most of the times but in hard times couple think of seperation and all.?
I am clueless what should I do? should I keep living with such person who is so different and so opposite to my personality, we both lack lot of things that way..
I had written about my issues some 3 months back too on this forum , but I dont see the end in sight to the issues.
So she feels that it's okay to slap a baby in the face but unforgivable to be slapped in the face hereself. Funny, isn't it? I say next time she threatens you with a divorce, you pack a bag and get the hell out of there. Better yet, pack a bag now, go consult a lawyer and get the divorce started. You are already in counseling and are taking anti depressants (the both of you?) and you did almost hit her. Don't stick around so that she can have you arrested for domestic abuse and use this against you when it comes to custody of your children. I say divorce her now and use the fact that she has no problem hitting your children in the face as leverage to get custody of your own children. Also, if you do manage to get custody of your kids, don't forget to make sure she pays child support.
I think a separation might do you both some good, with you having the kids. Your wife needs to know that her abusing the children is not acceptable. There is never an excuse to slap a two year old.
I had this argument with my wife, I said just because the kid is small , you cannot hit him, and I did bring this issue everytime with counselor, and he did say when my wife too was in session, its illegal to hit the child, I said its against my principles, whether its legal or not is not my concern
so coming to the point, I told her if I hit you or slap you , that is bad , if my daughter replied her with bad tone its bad, but she does that all the time to me, I talk calmy she would use words which shows her aggressive ness, like "dont give me that **** and all", when I confronted her on that words, she said its normal and nothing abusive in that.
I really dont know, its so rediculous, I litterly told her its time to get at least temprorary seperation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fatmancomics
So she feels that it's okay to slap a baby in the face but unforgivable to be slapped in the face hereself. Funny, isn't it? I say next time she threatens you with a divorce, you pack a bag and get the hell out of there. Better yet, pack a bag now, go consult a lawyer and get the divorce started. You are already in counseling and are taking anti depressants (the both of you?) and you did almost hit her. Don't stick around so that she can have you arrested for domestic abuse and use this against you when it comes to custody of your children. I say divorce her now and use the fact that she has no problem hitting your children in the face as leverage to get custody of your own children. Also, if you do manage to get custody of your kids, don't forget to make sure she pays child support.
She wont have the kid live with me, she would do everything and then I have to go to courts, preferbly in India as she would leave for India , if I say I want divorce,and stay adamanant
we both are locked in a whirlpool
Quote:
Originally Posted by LizCab44
I think a separation might do you both some good, with you having the kids. Your wife needs to know that her abusing the children is not acceptable. There is never an excuse to slap a two year old.
well, she has been spanking him since he was one year old not very regularly though, with my strong foot, she is little scared,though she does not stop at times
PS: also when at times she is not hitting, she was or is saying that she would hit him, and very strong tone and also harsh manner to the kid. and the kid has picked that words and uses them , and I confronted her again , that your behavior caused him to learn these words of anger, rage and hitting. she said now i dont say those . but i really dont know what happens at my back when I am not at home
she is a loving and caring mother otherwise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313
Thats scary. If she is already smacking the kid at 2 years old, I would hate to think about what will happen in a few more years!
verbally abusive yes, and not very loving too yes from the point of view of showing compassion, but she is loving and caring too. its complex to understand, she is not a stone for sure
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't you post a while back about her being verbally abusive and not very loving?
verbally abusive yes, and not very loving too yes from the point of view of showing compassion, but she is loving and caring too. its complex to understand, she is not a stone for sure
I see you making excuses for her, all the while you're both in therapy and on meds. When the bad far outweighs the good, heck, even if you're at 50% of each, it is time to go. But only you will know when you're ready.
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If she is already smacking the kid at 2 years old, I would hate to think about what will happen in a few more years! 
