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I worked full time my entire adult life and was financially independent. Then I got married and had a son only to have my husband die when our son was eight. I then became fully responsible for my self and my son.
Years later I married again and was unemployed for a short time after moving to TX to live with my new husband. I then got a job and was again contributing to the family. Within a few months of my starting work I had to quit my job to become a caregiver to my husband (cancer). Now he is able to work again, but I remain at home to be available to take him to hospital visits and care for him when he has chemo or more surgeries.
I am financially dependant on him now but he is just as dependent on me...just in other ways. This is the first time I was ever able to be a stay at home mom/wife and I kind of like it at the ripe old age of 55.
Wow, what a roller coaster of a life! Your husband is lucky to have you and same for you.
I think you know you can depend on yourself. Even though you trust your husband, it is not guaranteed that he will remain the same.
People change as time goes on. You are not the same person 10 years ago as you are today, and the same is true for your husband.
Sure you both have similar values and that's what keep your relationship and commitment intact today. But it is still not guaranteed because one or both of you can change.
My wife and I decided that it would be a good idea that she becomes sahm when our 2nd child was born 10 years ago. Things change, not just as each of us as a person, but the dynamics and needs of the family that the lifestyle we want requires more resources than we currently have.
My wife wants to go back to work, but the transition seems much harder being out of the work force in 10 years. And the logistics for caring of the kids ha become a huge part of our life.
Weighing the value to earn a few more resources but lessen that revenue for the child care expenses, is that "worth" her time away from the kids?
There are also other benefits for her to be at work besides the extra resource, such as giving her time away from family to pursue her own individual interests and growth. And through many communications (where we each talk and listen to each other), she get's "time off" to do her stuff while I care for the kids. Perhaps that is enough to satisfy or re-define the notion of being dependent from him the only one working.
At the same time too, I have had feelings of resentment to be the only one working, despite the fact that I agreed she stay home. Some I pin-pointed to extra expense which I thought were not needed; or luxury that could have been well spent on something else where the family could enjoy. So communication helps clear up these things.
I think partially what I'm afraid of is that I will get too comfortable staying home and then I won't even want to work. lol. I am the type of person who gets used to a certain lifestyle and I have a hard time to break the habit. Just like it's hard for me to get used to staying home now. I think the longer you are out of work (and actually your post reminded me of this) , the harder it is to get back into it. People start to get accustomed to the way things are. At the same time, I also wonder if at some point my husband may start feeling resentful as well.
It is so funny that your post touches on this subject. For the first time in my life, I have had to depend on a man. Since the age of 16, I have always worked and with the recent crash in real estate, my earnings are about 75% off from last year. Needless to say hubby is covering the majority of the household expenses and bills. I have always prided myself in being able to carry my own in the marriage and for the first time after 16 years, I have to rely on his income. I have had many difficult days dealing with my self esteem as I felt my independence slipping away. A big part of it was I have never had a male figure in my life to take care of me (absent father) and I did not know how to accept it.
My husband has totally stepped up to the plate and takes care of everything...even more than he did when I was contributing more so it has been good for him as he has a sense of pride taking care of his family. I could never trust a man to do that for me so it has been a enlightening experience for me and has made our marriage even stronger since I have let that part of me go....just a little.
Like you, I am used to going shopping, dining with friends whenever I wanted because I could pay for it no problem. Now, since things are more on a budget.....IT'S KILLING ME!!! No, seriously I have learned to value a good night in front of the TV or sitting out on the deck enjoying some jazz w/a glass of wine.
I hope things pick up for you however, until then take this time with family and enjoy! You will be back in the grind of things in no time!
It is so funny that your post touches on this subject. For the first time in my life, I have had to depend on a man. Since the age of 16, I have always worked and with the recent crash in real estate, my earnings are about 75% off from last year. Needless to say hubby is covering the majority of the household expenses and bills. I have always prided myself in being able to carry my own in the marriage and for the first time after 16 years, I have to rely on his income. I have had many difficult days dealing with my self esteem as I felt my independence slipping away. A big part of it was I have never had a male figure in my life to take care of me (absent father) and I did not know how to accept it.
My husband has totally stepped up to the plate and takes care of everything...even more than he did when I was contributing more so it has been good for him as he has a sense of pride taking care of his family. I could never trust a man to do that for me so it has been a enlightening experience for me and has made our marriage even stronger since I have let that part of me go....just a little.
Like you, I am used to going shopping, dining with friends whenever I wanted because I could pay for it no problem. Now, since things are more on a budget.....IT'S KILLING ME!!! No, seriously I have learned to value a good night in front of the TV or sitting out on the deck enjoying some jazz w/a glass of wine.
I hope things pick up for you however, until then take this time with family and enjoy! You will be back in the grind of things in no time!
It may be selfish of me, but it's nice to know someone else is in a similar boat as me. I hope this economy picks up and I can get back on track. Even thinking of going back to school, changing my career, fashion is such a hard motherf.... somebody should have slapped some sense into me when I chose this career path for myself.
No, this is not another "is she a gold-digger" thread.
I wanted to know if there are any other women here who at some point in their lives were completely dependant on their husbands/partners financially.
Eversince I was a teenager in high school, I always worked. Sometimes even 2-3 jobs at a time. I've been with my husband for 10 years and most of the time I had a job. I took some time off when my son was born, but even then I knew that before I know it I will be back in a work force. Yeah, we have a joint bank account and money were never an issue with us.
Now, we have moved to a new state and he is the only one working. With bad economy, I still find myself unemployed. He has zero problem with being the only one working for now. He tells me to just relax and enjoy my time off. Something along the line: you worked for so many years, just enjoy this time, stay home for awhile.
I find myself in an unfamiliar territory. Why am I so uncomfortable being dependant so much on my husband making money? Why can't I put myself into a frame of mind of a traditional woman and just be a housewife for awhile? Why do I have to have that freedom and independence?
There probably will be women rolling my eyes reading my post like: "i wish i had your problems, I have to hunt for myself and my family". Yes, I completely understand that I should be grateful and I have it good, but I really am struggling now emotionally. Hopefully I will get a job soon, but I just wanted to hear if someone else can share their experience.
I have always worked because when my dad left my mother when I was 7 she had to go back to work. My mom didn't know anything, but she put herself through school and been independent ever since.
I am in not in the position where I could stay home (I wish), but for me with no kids, I would be completely bored. I think your feeling inadequate for not contributing and that is a weird feeling.
Is there a business that you always wanted to start on your own? I also run my own travel business (not lucrative) I love what I do. During this down time, try and make money doing something you love while you try to find a job.
Good luck and don't feel bad, alot of woman would love to be in your position if their hubby can afford the bills. You will be fine!
I have always worked because when my dad left my mother when I was 7 she had to go back to work. My mom didn't know anything, but she put herself through school and been independent ever since.
I am in not in the position where I could stay home (I wish), but for me with no kids, I would be completely bored. I think your feeling inadequate for not contributing and that is a weird feeling.
Is there a business that you always wanted to start on your own? I also run my own travel business (not lucrative) I love what I do. During this down time, try and make money doing something you love while you try to find a job.
Good luck and don't feel bad, alot of woman would love to be in your position if their hubby can afford the bills. You will be fine!
Actually, I do have my own multi-level marketing business. I am an independent distributor for a supplement company, however, right now people are not thinking about taking extra care of their health and spend money on supplements, they are thinking about putting food on the table and therefore it's really not generating any money anymore.
It's refreshing to see someone with a good and healthy relationship in here. Truely, you both are blessed to have found each other.
I was raised to be so independant it prevented me from getting married. I got close once and even was dependant on him as well but that lasted 3 months and I knew I couldn't do it. So, I can understand how you feel.
It's refreshing to see someone with a good and healthy relationship in here. Truely, you both are blessed to have found each other.
I was raised to be so independant it prevented me from getting married. I got close once and even was dependant on him as well but that lasted 3 months and I knew I couldn't do it. So, I can understand how you feel.
I think partially what I'm afraid of is that I will get too comfortable staying home and then I won't even want to work. lol. I am the type of person who gets used to a certain lifestyle and I have a hard time to break the habit. Just like it's hard for me to get used to staying home now. I think the longer you are out of work (and actually your post reminded me of this) , the harder it is to get back into it. People start to get accustomed to the way things are. At the same time, I also wonder if at some point my husband may start feeling resentful as well.
There also comes a time during a long career, than a change of career is needed. It is change, and part of life. It's our ability to adapt and put effort towards the change differs.
And feelings do change more often. It does not mean such decisions are regretful. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to explore home business?
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No, seriously I have learned to value a good night in front of the TV or sitting out on the deck enjoying some jazz w/a glass of wine.
I hope this economy picks up and I can get back on track. Even thinking of going back to school, changing my career, fashion is such a hard motherf.... somebody should have slapped some sense into me when I chose this career path for myself.
