Reuniting with lost love (wife, mother-in-law, married, girls)
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Do you mean no matter what or make a decision fast because its on a short line and he's giving me a bit of space but won't wait long or its coming no matter what I choose?
If I were your husband you wouldn't have to decide, MY decision would already be made when you told me about this. They are both idiots if THEY are waiting on YOU to decide THEIR future, sorry to be blunt but thats the way I see it
I think most people hold a place in their hearts for their first love or first bf/gf but you can't go back. people change over time, and while you might be in love with the idea of the first this or that but the reality of life is much different. You really have to think the reality of the situation through before you even consider telling anyone and hurting them, especially for someone halfway across the country.
Personally i think it was very selfish of you to even consider this and possibly ruin your marriage.
Do you mean no matter what or make a decision fast because its on a short line and he's giving me a bit of space but won't wait long or its coming no matter what I choose?
Until you are able to tell your husband he is the only guy for you - he's #1 - he will continue to become more and more insecure. As that happens he will begin to get more and more angry over the position he finds himself in.
Trust me, nip this thing in the bud - either recommit to him or prepare to lose your marriage. Just like you can't be a "little bit pregnant" - you can't be in two relationships at once without someone getting hurt.
I just told him this last night, We are talking days not weeks or longer. I do agree that my husband is probably numb right now and trying to understand. Up until last night I honestly thought I'd stopped loving my husband because of the constant fighting because of his mother. Everybody loves Raymond with Psycho thrown in. Now I feel sick to my stomach to think I could lose him. I just don't want to hurt my first love and would rather us be close friends and him to work things out with his life.
I just told him this last night, We are talking days not weeks or longer. I do agree that my husband is probably numb right now and trying to understand. Up until last night I honestly thought I'd stopped loving my husband because of the constant fighting because of his mother. Everybody loves Raymond with Psycho thrown in. Now I feel sick to my stomach to think I could lose him. I just don't want to hurt my first love and would rather us be close friends and him to work things out with his life.
Here's a good rule to follow:
NEVER, EVER get involved in a new relationship without finishing the current one you are in. If you don't take the time to end one thing before beginning another you make more problems for yourself than you can imagine at the moment.
This situation is not about you chosing one guy over the other. This situation is about you needing to determine the status of your marriage. If you value your marriage and want to keep it, you must tell your old boyfriend you wish him well but "goodbye".
If you don't value your marriage and don't want to stay in it, you must still take the next year or so to bring it to a conclusion and completely separate your life from your husband. Then and only then should you consider looking up the old boyfriend to find out what might be there left between you.
I did not look him up to begin a new relationship but to apologize.
I did not realize feeling were so strong. We are talking as friends.
I will not have an affair, I will end it before I'd do that! I'm trying really hard to make the right choice so I don't waver. I want everyone to be happy. I'm not happy now. I'm miserable as both of them are too. He did tell me last night he contacted his first love and shes coming out of a bad relationship and not ready. I knew they talked but did not know about what but I suspected.I'm not mad or really hurt. Strange I know.
I did not look him up to begin a new relationship but to apologize.
I did not realize feeling were so strong. We are talking as friends.
I will not have an affair, I will end it before I'd do that! I'm trying really hard to make the right choice so I don't waver. I want everyone to be happy. I'm not happy now. I'm miserable as both of them are too. He did tell me last night he contacted his first love and shes coming out of a bad relationship and not ready. I knew they talked but did not know about what but I suspected.I'm not mad or really hurt. Strange I know.
Wait, clarify this for me. WHO contacted a first love and found shes just coming out of a bad relationship - your husband or your old boyfriend?
I'm not trying to be harsh, NSG, but your OP tells me that you are a woman who causes misery in men.
We don't know what the original offense was (I'm guessing it involved a discreet, out-of-the-way motel) but you've a) hurt your first husband and now you want to make it better by b) hurting your second husband. The fact that hubby #2 (Was there a husband in between, by the way?) is currently being understanding doesn't mean squat. He'll wake up and realize that he's being played and it won't be pretty.
Personally, I think you've already made your decision by your subliminal language. You toss around the word "current" when describing your husband, as if he's the hubby du jour, a temporary condition. So basically, you don't want to hurt either, but you've managed to hurt both. Nice going.
You don't get everything you want in life. Sorry. You made dumb decisions early on, and making more dumb decisions now won't make things any better. And his mother is probably absolutely right to be hostile to you. For what will stop you from pinging back to husband #2 a few years later, not to mention a player to be named later?
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