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I've been noticing a reoccurring pattern with the past three guys that have expressed interest in me. Here's how it typically goes:
1. We're friendly acquaintances with each other. We might have a good, deep conversation if the opportunity presents itself - say, in a car. We don't flirt, with the exception of very subtle flirting here and there, but it's hardly noticeable.
2. Flirting or attention increases from him to me. I'm somewhat getting the hint. I flirt back a little, but then again I flirt with other guys as well.
3. Some sort of admittance over text that involves him liking me. I coax definite confessions out of him without giving any firm reply myself.
4. I talk to him about "us" (I use that word lightly) face to face. He won't give me definite answers and instead keeps turning questions on me. I can tell he wants me to give him the big green flag and say, "I like you." I don't give him the big green flag, but do place the ball in his court by telling him to think of something and get back with me and we'll figure something out.
5. Boy makes zero move. I make zero move. Nothing happens. LOL.
Whew, I feel drained just typing that. I apologize in advance for sounding rather whiny and very akin to "Whyyyyy does he not liiiiiiikeeeee meeee????????" I would appreciate the wise advice of others! Note: I said wise, not harassing.
Your problem is one of communication. Stop the texting thing. It's a communication inhibitor in many situations, and yours is one of them.
Are these guys that you have met online? You are seeing several of them at once? If so, and none has anything that makes them rise above the others, then say your goodbyes and go back and throw the net out for more. You shouldn't be having to "fish" for an interest level. It should be clearly evident. If not, it isn't there.
Well I'm just a guy on the outside looking in, but you seem to have a pattern going. I think you are scaring them off by playing hardball so you don't get hurt... "Think about it and get back with me??? " That is an ultimatum and regardless of the potential I would be like "hasta la vista."
How about being available for getting together over time - if you want to get to know the guy, and leaving this insistence on a verbal "define the relationship" for later on. Go out, have some fun, and be fun to be with. Relationships are a dance of BOTH parties taking incremental steps of vulnerability and developing trust over time. I don't think you are giving them enough to work with. Just MHO...
Your problem is one of communication. Stop the texting thing. It's a communication inhibitor in many situations, and yours is one of them.
Are these guys that you have met online? You are seeing several of them at once? If so, and none has anything that makes them rise above the others, then say your goodbyes and go back and throw the net out for more. You shouldn't be having to "fish" for an interest level. It should be clearly evident. If not, it isn't there.
Hello ChessieMom!
These are NOT guys I have met online; they are from classes. And, I am not seeing several of them at once. This has been over a period of 4 months, and the guy's were in succession. Also, I'm not the one doing the communication by texting. They would just randomly text me serious conversation material over text and then I would proceed to tell them that we should talk about it the next day in person.
Well I'm just a guy on the outside looking in, but you seem to have a pattern going. I think you are scaring them off by playing hardball so you don't get hurt... "Think about it and get back with me??? " That is an ultimatum and regardless of the potential I would be like "hasta la vista."
How about being available for getting together over time - if you want to get to know the guy, and leaving this insistence on a verbal "define the relationship" for later on. Go out, have some fun, and be fun to be with. Relationships are a dance of BOTH parties taking incremental steps of vulnerability and developing trust over time. I don't think you are giving them enough to work with. Just MHO...
I agree with much of what you've said. I think the main problem is me and these guys are very much alike. But then neither of us bends. And, like another person said, the cycle continues.
Sigh. I think I'm going to try to break it tomorrow!
These are NOT guys I have met online; they are from classes. And, I am not seeing several of them at once. This has been over a period of 4 months, and the guy's were in succession. Also, I'm not the one doing the communication by texting. They would just randomly text me serious conversation material over text and then I would proceed to tell them that we should talk about it the next day in person.
They get nervous because they like you, you give no confirmation, they think you aren't interested, they go get drunk and cry about it with their peers. This sounds like typical 21 year old kind of stuff. My suggestion is if you think one is worth it, let him know...otherwise prepare to sit around until mr. cocky comes up and hits on you. You might like mr. cocky at first, but his charm will wear off quickly once you get to know him.
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