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VV, I haven't researched your reference, but I'll respectfully disagree with you on this issue.
I do not think a previous cold sore should be listed on your "dating resume" nor do I think its a reason to avoid a relationship with someone.
My husband and son have never worried about "catching" it from me, and they have never had one. I don't have a clue how I became exposed to them and as I previously said, there is medication to prevent outbreaks.
Why would you even have to tell anyone you had a cold sore? I've had ingrown toenails before, should I have to disclose this to a potential date? I had an eyelash in my eye once, should I say something? Do you see how ridiculous this is?
VV, I haven't researched your reference, but I'll respectfully disagree with you on this issue.
I do not think a previous cold sore should be listed on your "dating resume" nor do I think its a reason to avoid a relationship with someone.
My husband and son have never worried about "catching" it from me, and they have never had one. I don't have a clue how I became exposed to them and as I previously said, there is medication to prevent outbreaks.
Cold sores are herpes simplex, which is a contageous disease. 1 in 4/5 have it. It's astoundingly easy to research & I would encourage it, particularly if you have it so you don't spread it. I'm astounded at the responses here. You & Twinkle wouldn't forwarn someone? Wow. How amazingly selfish and/or uninformed. Why do you think it's so widespread? Please, please research. Meds are not 100% effective. Google it. Not choosing to avoid a relationship with someone who has it by not asking, being uninformed, one/both party not knowing they're carriers, or someone lying, is exactly how so many have caught/spread it.
I'm shocked to see the nonchalant attitudes with infecting another. Although, most of you who replied said you already had it, so my answer brings up rejection issues, I'm sure. Don't be mad at the messenger. Be informed, please. Have any of you no care if others catch it from you? Many probably don't know whom you've caught it from. Why not take precautions not to spread it to others? I'm unsure how there can be a callous "oh, well" response. It can remain dormant for decades. It can be spread without having symptoms. Do your own research.
I've been asked straight out before. I do, as well. Never had to reject anyone for this reason as everyone said 'no'. Could they have had it & didn't know or didn't reveal it? Sure. So far, so good. As I said before, I don't need additional problems in my life, particularly those that can easily be avoided. So, I completely disagree with many & do not mean to purposely hurt feelings. It's just that my health is my responsibility. I don't hand that decision making over to anyone else. You may not like my answer, but I'm not overjoyed with the responses here either. If I ever did contract it, I'd of course reveal it to someone I'd be interested in as an intimate partner, before the relationship became intimate. In the interest of what is fair, considerate & loving, there can be no other choice.
Why would you even have to tell anyone you had a cold sore? I've had ingrown toenails before, should I have to disclose this to a potential date? I had an eyelash in my eye once, should I say something? Do you see how ridiculous this is?
Not the same thing. You are not informed on herpes, at all, if you're comparing it to a toenail or an eyelash. There's plenty of information available from a whole host of sources, beginning with your doctor. It's far too easy to choose to become informed.
I've also heard it is very contagious. However, my parents have been married for 35 years and my mother has always had cold sore outbreaks, maybe about 2 times a year. My brother also gets them, but my dad, sister, and myself have never had one and I am 33 years old. I do know that I would never let this affect my relationship with my mom or brother. They could have a face full of cold sores and I would still hug them and allow my mom to kiss me on the cheek. She always has and it has never harmed me in any way. Your boyfriend may be headed toward the status of hypochondriac.
I've also heard it is very contagious. However, my parents have been married for 35 years and my mother has always had cold sore outbreaks, maybe about 2 times a year. My brother also gets them, but my dad, sister, and myself have never had one and I am 33 years old. I do know that I would never let this affect my relationship with my mom or brother. They could have a face full of cold sores and I would still hug them and allow my mom to kiss me on the cheek. She always has and it has never harmed me in any way. Your boyfriend may be headed toward the status of hypochondriac.
Gosh, I'm boggled. Hypochondriac? I encourage everyone to read about this, rather than assume. To the OP, your medical student friend is correct in all that you initially posted. I was a med student, too. Anyone in the medical profession will tell you the same. PLEASE learn about these things to protect yourself & others & ask professionals, not your friends & others who have herpes & may be fighting feelings of shame & blame. You've no reason to feel disgraced, but please don't hide having a virus because you do. It's really not fair to anyone. It's very important rather than just reacting from the gut & feelings of rejection. I'm having such a great deal of difficulty understanding the refusal to gain correct information here. No one should hide in a basement & feel less than, but, please don't place others at risk, too.
I'm glad Robin that no one else in your family has herpes, save your mom. That's not an uncommon story. It doesn't mean that it hasn't been spread to others, including your family, due to the dormancy period. Do any of you who've posted here know about the dormancy period? Doesn't sound like it from what I've read. Dormancy is the problem, as you don't always know when you're contageous. No one deserves this virus, but those who have it have a responsibility not to spread it to others. Once you've seen a patient with herpes in their eyes, mouth & throat, because their partner didn't reveal having the virus & didn't have a visable outbreak, or a partner with painful blisters underneath their finer/toenails, you'll feel more compassion for those who deserve to be protected from careless infection. Some people have 1 outbreak & then never another. Some only during stress. Some once/yr. Some every 10-yrs. Everyone's different in outbreaks, but the qualities of the virus are the same in everyone. Everyone needs to read up on the disease, how it reacts in the body, how it remains dormant in the spine, how it can be spread without having open wounds or no wounds, etc.
No one seems to want to hear this, as they take it as a rejection of themselves or loved ones. That's everyone's choice & speaks to the OP's question, that you need to reveal contageous disease to anyone whom you might infect. You can't make an informed decision without having information & so far only the OP's friend & I have given correct info. I've had pneumonia & stayed away from others. I'd do the same with a common cold or flu. It's only fair to others, right? Why should you get what I have? It would be at the very least, thoughtless & inconsiderate of me to do otherwise, yeah?
I'm sorry if my initial outburst to my statement offended others. It was my gut reaction (we've all expressed them here), perhaps too dramatic & I can see others have felt offended or perhaps shamed by that. My sincere apologies for that. It does not, however, discount the information I've given as being correct.
Well, either you'll continue to assume, or research. I hope it's the latter. The choice is yours. That's fine, I'll find another room to play in. Good luck everyone.. VV
Last edited by Baltic_Celt; 05-16-2007 at 10:18 PM..
I've been asked straight out before. I do, as well. Never had to reject anyone for this reason as everyone said 'no'. Could they have had it & didn't know or didn't reveal it? Sure. So far, so good. As I said before, I don't need additional problems in my life, particularly those that can easily be avoided. So, I completely disagree with many & do not mean to purposely hurt feelings. It's just that my health is my responsibility. I don't hand that decision making over to anyone else. You may not like my answer, but I'm not overjoyed with the responses here either. If I ever did contract it, I'd of course reveal it to someone I'd be interested in as an intimate partner, before the relationship became intimate. In the interest of what is fair, considerate & loving, there can be no other choice.
VV, question...if this virus can lie dormant for so long and it is unpredictable, is it possible that you may have already contracted it and have just not shown the symptoms? Also, if you should ever find out that you have a cold sore, will you give up dating? I am not trying to start a whole new argument. I am just curious about this. I think that both you you and the OP's boyfriend sound a little OVER-cautious.
See, when I was single and met someone I never thought to mention..."oh, by the way, I get a cold sore here and there-you down for that?"
When the cold sore comes 1ce a year...you don't think of those things.
From what my DR told me, you can give it if the cold sore is coming on (in the tingling stages) or there...and at that time, I will avoid doing....whatever.
you are NOT going to make me feel bad about this ~
kITTEN PURR. don't patronize me or assume I'm an idiot.
Believe me, I have researched Herpes Simplex type 1, which I have had for almost 20 years. I have taken medication to suppress the outbreaks for many years as well.
My normal hygiene practices include, but are not limited to: not sharing my drinking glass, not sharing my silverware during a meal, not sharing my toothbrush, not drooling on someone else or swapping spit, not kissing or touching anyone with any part of my face or hands when I have an outbreak, not sharing my pillowcase, and discarding makeup following an outbreak. During an outbreak, I also use TP to blow my nose on and blot the sore so that I can flush the tissue rather than throw it in the trash. I normally stand far enough away from people that I don't breathe on them when we speak.
Constant fear of having an outbreak doesn't control my life or even enter my thoughts on most days.
The once or twice a year I become a contagious leper, my sore is about the size of a pencil eraser head and is at the base of my right nostril. It hurts like fury for three days before it erupts so I have plenty of time to warn everyone I live and work with that I'm about to have a herpes outbreak. Then I triple up on my meds to keep it from lasting more than the normal 3 or 4 days. Its been exactly like this ever since my first outbreak - same place, same size - so I haven't even spread it to myself.
As I previously stated, I first had an outbreak at the age of 32 - I'd been married for 14 years at that time (as if that has anything to do with anything). I'm now 47 and have been married nearly 30 years and I never once questioned where it came from, how I got it, and who I may have infected over these past years. Since no one else in my family and none of the people I work with have gotten one of these, I can only assume I am using the proper precautions as I live my daily life. And yes, they are the same family and co-workers I've had for over 17 years+.
Jeez, its herpes type 1 for goodness sake. On MSNBC today, there was an article stating that type 1 is found in 4 out of 5 people, and you may never realize you have it. Stress is the common trigger. I hope you are the 1 out of 5 that is virus-free.
I STILL do not think cold sore/herpes type 1 is a reason to date/not date someone.
Type 2 is a different story - genital herpes is a worse form of this virus and causes a lot more problems and complications, and exposure should be prevented.
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you are NOT going to make me feel bad about this ~
