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I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months, and I moved at the end of October to a new apartment. I had a bedroom full of stuff, not a lot of furniture, but there’s definitly a good amount of ordinary stuff. I didn’t ask for his help b/c I wanted to see if he’d offer, as an attestment to his character, but he never offered. He does have a demanding job, but his weekends are free, and not once did he show any concern about my moving. I finally confronted him and he said he didn’t think I had that much stuff and he thought my friends were enough help. He apologized for not helping, but I don’t know how sincere he is about it. I thought moving is one of those things that is a given, and non-negotiable, when it comes to helping the girl you're dating. I think any adult knows that a girl can’t move everything on her own.
My question is, is this guy for real? Can this be an honest mistake? Or is it pretty indicative of a selfish person? or he's just using me for the benefits of dating?
My question is, is this guy for real? Can this be an honest mistake? Or is it pretty indicative of a selfish person? or he's just using me for the benefits of dating?
If he can't figure out that you needed help and didn't offer any just dump him now and forget it. Once something really important comes up you can rest assured he will let you down. He is either an idiot or doesn't care, take your pick.
I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months, and I moved at the end of October to a new apartment. I had a bedroom full of stuff, not a lot of furniture, but there’s definitly a good amount of ordinary stuff. I didn’t ask for his help b/c I wanted to see if he’d offer, as an attestment to his character, but he never offered. He does have a demanding job, but his weekends are free, and not once did he show any concern about my moving. I finally confronted him and he said he didn’t think I had that much stuff and he thought my friends were enough help. He apologized for not helping, but I don’t know how sincere he is about it. I thought moving is one of those things that is a given, and non-negotiable, when it comes to helping. I think any adult knows that a girl can’t move everything on her own.
My question is, is this guy for real? Can this be an honest mistake? Or is it pretty indicative of a selfish person? or he's just using me for the benefits of dating?
There should be other signs that should help you figure that out. If he admits he screwed up, did he bring you a plant or something for your new place as a peace offering or some sort of similar gesture?
Does he only want to see you when sex is likely to occur?
In general, what does he DO for you to show you he appreciates you....and by the same token....do you do anything to show your appreciation for him?
Yaz88: No offense, but this is the kind of petty **** that makes ppl like me really think twice before getting involved with younger girls. No offfense but I am assuming you are very young, I am 32 but geez, is this really a big deal? God, It would be different if you guys had been together for 10 years but 2 months, and you are expecting him to do exactly what you expect him to do without even telling him or asking. You have a lot of growing up to do for sure!
My question is, is this guy for real? Can this be an honest mistake? Or is it pretty indicative of a selfish person? or he's just using me for the benefits of dating?
Only two months, you don't say anything (BIG MISTAKE if you want a guy to do something), and you're questioning him now?
Okay, first off...only two months. You're still not a girlfriend, you're a date. Second mistake, YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR HELP. If you know anything about men (which you don't seem to) you would realize that you have to be direct with guys -- they just don't think about certain things sometimes! If you wanted help, you should have asked, because it probably didn't even occur to him that you wanted/needed help.
Either that, or you're just not good enough in bed that he felt like going to that extra trouble.
If you know anything about men (which you don't seem to) you would realize that you have to be direct with guys -- they just don't think about certain things sometimes!
Not all men are lazy pigs like some of you women seem to think. I offer to help anyone when they're moving but would especially do that for someone I was dating. I just helped an older woman move a couple months ago that I had absolutely nothing to gain from because she needed help and had nobody to help her. To me it seems like common sense but then again maybe some people do need it spelled out.
Not all men are lazy pigs like some of you women seem to think. I offer to help anyone when they're moving but would especially do that for someone I was dating. I just helped an older woman move a couple months ago that I had absolutely nothing to gain from because she needed help and had nobody to help her. To me it seems like common sense but then again maybe some people do need it spelled out.
not asking for help but expecting it is manipulation. when you want something ask directly for it.
I agree... man/women are no mind readers... why play this games? be honest, ask up front what you want, tell them what you like and state your expectations... it saves time and headaches... and the more you know about the other person, the more time you have to enjoy each other...
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and the more you know about the other person, the more time you have to enjoy each other...