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I work in publishing, so the grammar tactic isn't going to work. half of my posts were using my phone, and it's just too damn hard to edit that way. Furthermore, I feel no need to impress anyone in a casual forum. if you want me to edit my posts before you are willing to read them, I suggest you put me on ignore (if this site has that as a function).
Hi Onglet39,
Were you my women, I would kill people who correct grammar and spelling on your command. I hate when people yank on that.
I don't know how it works on other people but Americans girls don't do feminine very well. When I was 30, I was fussy. However there where 2 women I knew well on a social setting that were somewhat available. One was sort of an angry but physically attractive 25 year old and the other was a 37 year old mother of 4 with an 18 year old son.
Lets just say I am Han Solo and on occasion and get caught in a woman's tractor beam that I really was not planing on or rationally wanted. It was not the 25 year old angry hottie. Not feminine. It was the 37 year old mother of 4 because she was intensely feminine, shall we say, with long hair, dresses and high heels. She had , on the surface, these girlish little expressions when she was thinking where one would assume it was some vain trifle. It was usually something that she had leaned in med school. She was the perfect graceful feminity wrapped around profound substance. My rational appoach to broaching the idea of dating was never more seriously threated than that. She was very hot. Feminity stands out in the USA.
I dress in an incredibly feminine manner, but if you talk to me for more than a minute or two you find I'm not feminine at all. Maybe that's negatvie against me. But the fact is, I have to support myself, and I was the sole breadwinner when I was married. Not only did I support him, I bought and sold two houses. I live and work in NYC, so I don't have the luxury of walking around with "girlish expressions" on my face. I have the sort of higher level job that few women have, so I definitely cannot get into the habit of looking like that, girlie expressions on my face. I'll never make it. (Once again, you've already said I'm past my prime. I have to support myself, and I have to make as much money as I can in case I am alone until the very end.)
Is this a serious hindrance to me, my "lack of femininity?" maybe. I have no idea. I'll admit I often think I was sold a bill of goods when I grew up hearing that I "could have it all" as a women, a career, great marriage and nice kids. That's another discussion of course.
As a 46-year-old woman, I can attest to the truth of this problem. Men date younger, as much as they possibly can. I find it disgusting that superstars in their 60s and 70s now are still dating supermodels in their 20s. Euuwww. Why do they do it? Because they can, of course. And because for whatever the reason, society is still much more accepting of the old geezer with the young beauty.
If I were looking, I'd have to target guys who are in their late 50s at the very least. Is it any wonder I'm not looking? (My apologies to anyone in that age group; I don't mean to offend, but honestly!)
Women become invisible at about age 40. It's a sad fact of life. Are there exceptions? Absolutely, but they're rare.
Hi SandyCo,
Its not a society thing. Men can actually have children past 60. That's what is going on here. People overestimate the rational for the biological.
Good grief, can we be free of those frilly dresses and high heels? That may appeal to some but it's not for me either. You can dress well and not have to resort to something that's not in your character. I'm sporty and preppy myself and never found that to be a problem in attracting men.
Good grief, can we be free of those frilly dresses and high heels? That may appeal to some but it's not for me either. You can dress well and not have to resort to something that's not in your character. I'm sporty and preppy myself and never found that to be a problem in attracting men.
Personally I love high heels. I wear them quite often. Frilly dresses, not so much! (But I do really love dresses. It's one piece! No matching, nothing to think about!)
Oh good gosh, I am literally crying over here. Please, please, Sgoldie--could you pass the source on this little tidbit of common knowledge?
Could someone pass me a napkin, I just spit skoal all over my screen.
I just came back to this thread to see what had happened while I was working and my sentiments exactly. There have been a few times reading on this forum when I've been drinking water and it's come out of my nose in a heartbeat and I HATE that sudden surprise. Needless to say, when I read that post it was the same damned reaction and you almost got me double by responding but fortunately I'd already finished the bottle of water.
Onglet: You decided to bust my chops when I first responded to your post and then continued to do so when I was sincerely offering your what I felt was good advice.
My sentiments have been echoed several times by several people over the course of this thread and then you come up with this seemingly perpetual (and almost paranoid) refrain addressing people who you believe are dissing you with a sarcastic response such as, "I see, as a women I should deprive myself of the human needs for love and companionship, and my sexuality should be completely discounted. This is the only way I can show I don't buy into society's claims that I am a "loser" because I'm not coupled up. "
Even when you said that in the first place, nobody had even intimated it, and yet you continued to reiterate it in different ways. I asked you from whence that totally unwarranted comment came from and you didn't answer.
For crying out loud, all I and several others said from the get-go was that widening your circle might help, we offered advice and were trounced for it.
The only thing I can suggest is that, once you simmer down, you seriously re-read this whole thread. When you put your angst on a public forum you may not hear what you want to hear but you can learn a lot if you open your mind.
And, by the way, if you think you're "over the hill" at 39 then I'm definitely SOL and headed for oblivion at almost 64 and still going strong.
I was thinking the same thing. This is only my opinion because I dont know Onglet39, to make any kind of well informed judgment of her. But she is placing her thoughts and sensibilities on the table for others to evaluate. So with that in mind, as I read through this forum I couldnt help but notice what comes across as somewhat of a cynical attitude towards the other posters who only seem to be giving sincere advice. I wonder if this type of demeanor spills over into real life interactions, and if so, then perhaps that could be the source of your problem. IDK...but it seems from the brief online encounters you have had with other posters, that your fuse has been pretty short with them.
I know this probably is just you're internet etiquitte or whatever, as you have explicitly stated that the opinions of people on this casual forum dont concern you. But to a casual observer, it is difficult to imagine how some of the traits reflected in this online persona could go over well with prospective partners.
I could certainly be grossly mistaken that this online persona is residual of your real personality. But if it in any way is, then there are many qualities that most would find attractive, but there are also some qualities that some others might find off putting.
Have you considered dating people outside your own race?
I dress in an incredibly feminine manner, but if you talk to me for more than a minute or two you find I'm not feminine at all. Maybe that's negatvie against me. But the fact is, I have to support myself, and I was the sole breadwinner when I was married. Not only did I support him, I bought and sold two houses. I live and work in NYC, so I don't have the luxury of walking around with "girlish expressions" on my face. I have the sort of higher level job that few women have, so I definitely cannot get into the habit of looking like that, girlie expressions on my face. I'll never make it. (Once again, you've already said I'm past my prime. I have to support myself, and I have to make as much money as I can in case I am alone until the very end.)
Is this a serious hindrance to me, my "lack of femininity?" maybe. I have no idea. I'll admit I often think I was sold a bill of goods when I grew up hearing that I "could have it all" as a women, a career, great marriage and nice kids. That's another discussion of course.
Hi Onglet39,
NYC is bad news , not good gender ratios for women.
I knew about the bill of goods. I saw it coming and avoided it. Stable relationships are based on interlocking needs, not redundancy. Redundancy is an independent and comparable symmetry. There is no need for one or the other and one can always be found slightly lacking;it gets down to the shoe polishing. Symbiosis is mysterious and monopolistic, one from the other, not easily compared. The components are more precious and less disposable. Men and women in this society are paired with the inelegance of a double barreled shot gun.
"I" never asked women out. I created an affectation to do that. Do so in like manner. All people are natural actors. You don't think I acted the same way around my grandmother as I did with my friends? Its not even an act, I just tap a primitive sense and embellish it. You already have a source of feminine angst, need for a man.
Here is perhaps an astonishment. Your more posturing elements in your discourse tended to leave me cold. Your more vulnerable elements in your discourse creates attraction. Every vessel or hull has a hatch or portal. That is how it femininity works on my male mind. It is visceral, not rational.
I was thinking the same thing. This is only my opinion because I dont know Onglet39, to make any kind of well informed judgment of her. But she is placing her thoughts and sensibilities on the table for others to evaluate. So with that in mind, as I read through this forum I couldnt help but notice what comes across as somewhat of a cynical attitude towards the other posters who only seem to be giving sincere advice. I wonder if this type of demeanor spills over into real life interactions, and if so, then perhaps that could be the source of your problem. IDK...but it seems from the brief online encounters you have had with other posters, that your fuse has been pretty short with them.
I know this probably is just you're internet etiquitte or whatever, as you have explicitly stated that the opinions of people on this casual forum dont concern you. But to a casual observer, it is difficult to imagine how some of the traits reflected in this online persona could go over well with prospective partners.
I could certainly be grossly mistaken that this online persona is residual of your real personality. But if it in any way is, then there are many qualities that most would find attractive, but there are also some qualities that some others might find off putting.
Have you considered dating people outside your own race?
Sorry but, I disagree with the internet-posts-as-evidence-of-reality meme. I just don't agree. Sometimes it's true, sometimes false. My fuse has not even come close to blowing on this thread, even when many people have suggested that my sexualty - a core part of myself - must be discounted should I want to have a happy life. That's harsh, but it just isn't so. And I think I was just fine about it. I get to evaulate the advice (or whatever) given and react accordingly. Same as they get to say what they like.
I married someone outside of my own race. It didn't work out, though race wasn't the reason for that. I'll date any race.
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(My apologies to anyone in that age group; I don't mean to offend, but honestly!)
Are there exceptions? Absolutely, but they're rare.
