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My boyfriend is Jewish and I was raised Christian. We've been dating for several years now and we're getting to the point where marriage and kids are looming (in a good way).
We've discussed it and I'm converting to Judaism, starting classes in January because we both agree with the theology of Judaism and want to raise our family that way. I really enjoy most of the Jewish holidays, but it becomes problematic with Hanukkah. I love the secular aspects of Christmas- the songs, the decorations, everything. We celebrated Hanukkah with his family last year, but this year, we'll be on our own for most of it. I'm used to huge family celebrations and several weeks of Christmas cheer and I miss it. Lighting the candles is just sort of underwhelming for me.
In case you're wondering, we have talked about it, but since my bf has never celebrated Christmas, he doesn't really understand what I'm missing. He's open to ideas, but doesn't have any himself.
Has anyone else ever been in my shoes? How did you deal with it? Has anyone ever found a good compromise? I'd love to hear creative suggestions.
My boyfriend is Jewish and I was raised Christian. We've been dating for several years now and we're getting to the point where marriage and kids are looming (in a good way).
We've discussed it and I'm converting to Judaism, starting classes in January because we both agree with the theology of Judaism and want to raise our family that way. I really enjoy most of the Jewish holidays, but it becomes problematic with Hanukkah. I love the secular aspects of Christmas- the songs, the decorations, everything. We celebrated Hanukkah with his family last year, but this year, we'll be on our own for most of it. I'm used to huge family celebrations and several weeks of Christmas cheer and I miss it. Lighting the candles is just sort of underwhelming for me.
In case you're wondering, we have talked about it, but since my bf has never celebrated Christmas, he doesn't really understand what I'm missing. He's open to ideas, but doesn't have any himself.
Has anyone else ever been in my shoes? How did you deal with it? Has anyone ever found a good compromise? I'd love to hear creative suggestions.
My sister is a Christian, her husband is Jewish. They have two children, and have been married about 20 years. Neither would ever expect the other to change their own personal religious beliefs. They celebrate the major holidays, for both religions. The children go to church, but only go to temple for special holiday events. Kosher meals for those big Jewish holidays are prepared at his families homes. They have a Christmas tree and a menorah every holiday season. They've been doing this since they were dating.
I have a good friend who is Christian and her husband is Jewish but they decided to celebrate both religions holidays when they married and had children...it seems to work for them.
My boyfriend is Jewish and I was raised Christian. We've been dating for several years now and we're getting to the point where marriage and kids are looming (in a good way).
We've discussed it and I'm converting to Judaism, starting classes in January because we both agree with the theology of Judaism and want to raise our family that way. I really enjoy most of the Jewish holidays, but it becomes problematic with Hanukkah. I love the secular aspects of Christmas- the songs, the decorations, everything. We celebrated Hanukkah with his family last year, but this year, we'll be on our own for most of it. I'm used to huge family celebrations and several weeks of Christmas cheer and I miss it. Lighting the candles is just sort of underwhelming for me.
In case you're wondering, we have talked about it, but since my bf has never celebrated Christmas, he doesn't really understand what I'm missing. He's open to ideas, but doesn't have any himself.
Has anyone else ever been in my shoes? How did you deal with it? Has anyone ever found a good compromise? I'd love to hear creative suggestions.
Thanks!
I was in the same boat as you. DH was Muslim, I was raised "Christian", though really in a non practicing family in a religious sense.
I did convert but we still celebrate Christmas. Since it was never a "religious" holiday for me, I have never seen any reason to give it up. Same as you, I grew up with weeks of pre-Christmas holiday excitement, and no Christmas at all is just not acceptable, and would be downright depressing. We have a tree, decorate it, Santa comes, my kids know who Jesus is and what Christmas is, which is pretty much what I grew up with. The only religious part of Christmas for me was the Nativity set up, but all along I had know idea why we had it or what it was supposed to be. Frankly my kids know way more about the religious side of Christmas than I EVER did.
Don't count on a high level of excitement from your DH though. Not that he might not be interested, but I explain further this way.
For those of us who have been celebrating it our entire lives, to not do so is just something that almost goes against every feeling in our being. I will never forget the year I tried to skip the 4th of July fireworks for the first time, the kids were young, DH was working, I didn't want to deal with getting somewhere to see the fireworks, parking, traffic, etc. That was until nightfall, when I started to panic, running around throwing clothes on the kids and getting us all ready so we could jump in the car in less than 5 minutes to go see the fireworks. To this day I don't even know what came over me, but I just had to go.
That is what I'm saying, don't expect the same enthusiasm from him about it, and hopefully he won't expect the same enthusiasm from you for your new holidays. He will have to be especially attentive to the Jewish holidays, because I can tell you from experience that when kids are involved, Christmas is hard to compete with. So you will have to make sure that you figure out unique ways to celebrate ALL the holidays, and do it CONSISTENTLY, year after year, with your kids, when you have them, so they associate different traditions and festivities with each holiday. Don't mistake this with spending tons of money either, trying to compete with the Christmas. There are two Muslim holidays a year, and I take my kids to the mosque. On the second floor there is a bazaar, my son gets the money and takes his sister and cousins shopping, they get bounce house type play stuff in the gym, and he loves it, plus other various festivities that do not involve 47 presents.
I do think you guys should talk about his comfort level about celebrating Christmas sooner rather than later. Do you think this will be a problem for him? If my DH didn't agree with my way of approaching this issue, I can say that I would not be a happy camper. I know what you mean about "underwhelming". Christmas is hard to match, and spending your whole life with a Christmas-cheer filled December to none at all would, well, suck, to put it plainly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat
It would have been interesting if you were Muslim, him being Jewish.
you are a trouble maker, Mr. Cat. I imagine that if both families were religious, there might be an uproar.
Muslim women are only supposed to marry Muslim men, for one, (Islamically the religion of the children follows the father). If I am not mistaken, Jewish children take the religion of the mother, in your scenario she be a muslim, which would be just as unacceptable to them.
As I said, potentially an uproar on both sides, lol.
My cousin, a Catholic, married a half Jewish guy, whose grandparents wouldn't come to the wedding because she wasn't Jewish (although if you ask me the ship had sailed on that guy already seeing as one of his parents already wasn't Jewish--guess they didn't go to his parents wedding either)
It's a celebration. We decided to just combine the best of both worlds and have it all. SO is a funny man, has a great sense of humor. Here's what he says about Christmas. "What's wrong with saying Happy Birthday to a nice Jewish boy?"
I think you could still celebrate the secular part of Christmas. Many of the beloved traditions--candles, carols, tree, mistletoe, feasting--have Pagan roots anyway.
I have a good friend who is Christian and her husband is Jewish but they decided to celebrate both religions holidays when they married and had children...it seems to work for them.
This is what my Jewish friend and her Christian husband do.
I think it's a nice time to expose your kids (no matter what your culture or faith) to Christmas festivities around the world. I like my son to know the traditions of many nations. It makes for a well rounded person and it's fun!
Most of my friends who are in interfaith marriages all make it work by doing both holidays.
There are:
Catholic husband, Muslim wife
Jewish husband, Christian wife
Buddhist wife, Muslim husband
Buddhist husband, Jewish wife
Christian wife, non believing husband
All are very happy and kids are lucky because they get the best of both worlds.
Hi everyone and thank you so much for your replies. It's great hearing from so many people who have made this situation work.
Mr Cat, I may not be Muslim, but both of my parents are ordained Baptist ministers, so there were definitely sparks when my parents realized my bf and I are serious.
Has anyone ever actually had a Hanukkah bush? The Christmas tree is where my boyfriend draws the line- carols, Christmas movies, cookies are fine, but the tree is a bit much for him. I've heard of Hanukkah bushes, but I don't know of anyone who actually has one. I just like to have a bit of greenery around the holidays.
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