He broke a law of the universe, should I give him another chance? (Christian, how to)
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Good for you for making the right decision! Best of luck to you! Dont be hard on yourself either, be proud of yourself for doing it now and not waiting any longer.
In case you change your mind, I'd like to add that all the posters on this thread could be wrong and you soon to be ex-bf could have had just a bad holiday. But, and this is a big but, what if everyone is right?
If your stbx-bf tries to win you back and he may go all out to do so, just remember that there will be more holidays and just other bad days. Is this something you want to deal with in the future? Just keep reminding yourself that it happened twice and there is no reason why it won't happen again. While he may try to get you to do it, don't question or second guess your instincts.
You should have cleaned his clock with a rolling pin during that first incident. And after the second incident your question should have been answered for you. No amount of "good qualities" will make up for the kind of behavior he expressed to your Mother. Dump that SOB so hard he see's stars.
I also believe there is something missing to the story, Whyte Byrd. As shocking and immature as the whole event sounds, the excuses and reasons he gave me for his stupid actions don't add up. I feel as though he didn't tell me what was really going on! I am still furious for not fully understanding/getting half-fast excuses. All of this disappoints me because a) we supposedly had a firm belief in honesty and telling each other exactly how we feel (what you see is what you get). And, b) he could've been lying to me about everything or other things in our relationship. Very, very disappointed. B couldv'e been an easy thing for him to do too since we had a long term relationship while I was at school for the last 3 months.
I was just thinking that; every one of these posts says the same exact thing. And you know what, after sitting back and reading these, and talking with my mother and friends again, and looking at the big picture, you're all right. Why would I ever want to stay with that kind of abuse? I wouldn't allow a stranger to do that, so why should he get away with it?
I've been thinking about everything a lot since Thanksgiving, and all your posts are really putting things into perspective. My mom said as time went on and I thought about things, the answer would be an even stronger no. She was right. This is a huge flaw in his personality, and though he has other good qualitites, he has other small things about him that I don't particularly agree with( like most people have), so these little things and that huge red flag do add up.
I know what the right thing to do is, but as some of you said, it sucks breaking up. I think I was also delaying because of that.
I'm almost sorry and embarrassed for myself that I was not a better judge of character when it all happened! Like Drummerboy and some of you said, I was really trying to make an excuse for an unexcuseable thing. I guess some things really do blind people.
Unfortunately, my dad was/is a drug user and a heavy smoker, and had similar good and bad qualities to this guy. I haven't lived with my father for 8 years, so now looking at things, this guy was compensating for all the good qualities that I missed in my dad, but at the expense of having some of the bad ones I didn't know about til later as well.
Physically writing this in words is also a huge help. Seeing this in hard writing is really making the decision to leave him a little easier. I'll take the good memories with me, leave the bad ones. It goes on.
After thanksgiving I said we were on a break, and when I get back home in a week I will be completely breaking all ties with him. Thanks again for all the replies! Seeing them in writing definitely made a difference.
Though I'm late to the party I concur with the other 34 replies. Hopefully you'll remember this experience and it will give you the self confidence to walk away without second guessing yourself, should it ever happen again.
I'm almost sorry and embarrassed for myself that I was not a better judge of character.
I disagree with you. You are a very good judge of character. You saw a problem and recognized that you needed outside counsel to help you work through it. This is not being a bad judge of character--quite the opposite! It shows maturity and thoughfulness on your part.
I also believe there is something missing to the story, Whyte Byrd. As shocking and immature as the whole event sounds, the excuses and reasons he gave me for his stupid actions don't add up. I feel as though he didn't tell me what was really going on! I am still furious for not fully understanding/getting half-fast excuses. All of this disappoints me because a) we supposedly had a firm belief in honesty and telling each other exactly how we feel (what you see is what you get). And, b) he could've been lying to me about everything or other things in our relationship. Very, very disappointed. B couldv'e been an easy thing for him to do too since we had a long term relationship while I was at school for the last 3 months.
I would venture to say that the "you are the girl for me, I feel it in my gut" is probably the biggest line of bs that you heard and didn't realize was bs.
These kind know what you want to hear. That you are "special" and "different". Please be aware that you are not the first girl he's said that to.
As someone said, if you went to an Al-Anon meeting, you'd learn pretty fast by listening to everyone else that you are all talking about the exact same person only with a different face and a different name. That's how all of us on here know what the deal is. We've met your boyfriend before in different incarnations!
I'm almost sorry and embarrassed for myself that I was not a better judge of character when it all happened!
NO, there was a reason you posted the story on here--to confirm what you already knew somewhere inside yourself.
Guess how sorry and embarrassed someone feels when they didn't get it for almost sixteen years???? That would be me. Ten years later I'm reading your story and still cringing inside wondering how I could have been that stupid for so long.
You are not the first woman who was taken in by some loser's false charm, and you won't be the last. Welcome to the club. Glad you decided not to stay too long, lol.
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