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“Hi Honey, I’ve been meaning to tell you what a nice time I had at your family reunion the other day, your clan is fun…and your eccentric Aunt…she was so funny, she told me some stories about you when you were a kid, are they true, or was she just joking with me?” (And yes, do this in person)
Todd – The best relationships are built on a foundation of good communication and trust, and this is where it’s time for you to step up and start building that foundation if you desire a long happy marriage.
Don’t automatically believe the aunt, for all you know she may have just been released from a decade in the nuthouse! Talk your fiancé and ask her! She could have been a very resourceful girl scout discovering an abandoned bird nest…great for starting a bonfire on a cold night. You are only hearing one side of the story, hear your fiancés side now.
If the aunt’s accusations about her as a kid are true, ask her how she feels now about having done them. Does she show any remorse? If so, great, people change. If not, take plenty of time to think if this is the woman you will feel comfortable sleeping next to, in the dark, every night for the next 50 years...
I would want some suggestion on this before I decide to marry her somewhere between May-July of next year. This is my first time ever getting engaged to a woman. In all my relationships, they wouldn't go beyond exclusive dating but with her it's something I never felt ever before.
The problem started just 3 days ago on a family reunion, when her political aunt starting telling me about these things she's done at the tender age of 10. According to the aunt, my fiancee was getting punished at home for picking up a fight again in school. Not just that but she threatened the kid to slit his throat if he doesn't shut up. Several days later the aunt caught her trying to set a pigeon's nest on fire. The final incident was her trying to push her aunt downstairs. This is was the reason she had cut contact with the family for years wanting nothing to do with her, until March 2009.
In the time that you've known her, have you ever asked about her relationship w/ her family? Did she ever discuss w/ you why she was not in contact w/ her parents? Ten years old is quite young. How do you know she wasn't immitating learned behavior from a family member? How do you know she wasn't abused? Threatening to cut someone's throat could be her just repeating something she's heard. Setting the nest on fire could have been out of curiosity or immaturity, even a dare. Often young children don't fully comprehend the consquences to their actions. She could have been acting out, the question is why? There is no way I would take her aunt's word for the truth. I would be more concerned w/ what she's been like through her teen years and if that was the only incident.
The aunt's reliability - as other people have pointed out, the aunt's viewpoint may or may not be exaggerated. Might want to find out which parts of these events are true and which are blown out of proportion.
I have known folks who did strange, destructive things as children but grew up into normal individuals. My best friend, as a child, did sick stuff like bury baby birds alive and...well, other unpleasantness. She was acting out. She had, and still has, some issues but deals with it in constructive ways now like writing. And as an adult she is a fun, interesting person who has never hurt a soul.
One of my cousins also used to act like a pyscho as a kid but is cool now. He would do things like put live animals in the freezer. Also would make really crazy comments to people about how he wanted to kill them, etc. Anyway, I think he just didn't get enough attention at home growing up. These days he's quite happy and emotionally stable. You never know....
Sounds like that movie, "The Good Son"....very creepy action, even for a child...inflicting pain on animals or people is a RED FLAG. I'd find out more from her family.
I did wanted to but I was too shock to think straight. Anyone that heard that type of story about the person they are going to marry would have been spook out too. If she ask me why I delay it I would say that I didn't think it was too important but do now want to share it with her.
Is it unusual that you haven't called her at all today? Has she called you?
According to the aunt, my fiancee was getting punished at home for picking up a fight again in school. Not just that but she threatened the kid to slit his throat if he doesn't shut up. Several days later the aunt caught her trying to set a pigeon's nest on fire. The final incident was her trying to push her aunt downstairs.
Out of the three only the second one is something to worry about. Was it an old dried up nest, a nest with live birds in it, or a nest with unhatched eggs?
In the time that you've known her, have you ever asked about her relationship w/ her family? Did she ever discuss w/ you why she was not in contact w/ her parents? Ten years old is quite young. How do you know she wasn't immitating learned behavior from a family member? How do you know she wasn't abused? Threatening to cut someone's throat could be her just repeating something she's heard. Setting the nest on fire could have been out of curiosity or immaturity, even a dare. Often young children don't fully comprehend the consquences to their actions. She could have been acting out, the question is why? There is no way I would take her aunt's word for the truth. I would be more concerned w/ what she's been like through her teen years and if that was the only incident.
I know of no abuse that happened in her life but who knows, she might be hiding it or unwilling to share it. The parents, I did meet them on many occasions and both of them are good, educated people. I never knew about the aunt not being in contact with her parents for years. I think it's because I never get into deep family details unless I suspect something or if she is willing to share this information with me.
I did have a conversation with her an hour ago. Now the story took a whole turn. She denied it ever happening and it's the aunt who is crazy and demented ever since getting cheated on and left for another woman long ago. She asked if I trusted her which I said I do.
So now I have another story of a demented aunt that makes up stories and doesn't even know her own lies. Though before denying everything there was a silence like around 20-30 seconds.
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She denied everything ever taking place
