On women, from the perspective of a 24 year old man (wife, sociopathic)

[mehhh]

In grad school, I worked very closely for hours on end with a small circle of women. These women were from upper-class backgrounds, were reasonably intelligent and are today doing very well for themselves financially across the board. They have pretty faces and lots of Facebook friends, suave condo's or houses, dopey (but providing) husbands and 2.2 kids. You know- The Dream. This is why they had such an impression on me; these are considered to be the women most strive to be, if my social understanding is at all correct.

And yet, the unrelenting pettiness. The seething self-hatred and insecurity that drove almost every thought, even to the degree that it was subconscious. The back-stabbing amongst each other. How none of them- literally none- could hold off on speaking ill about the woman who had just left the room five minutes prior. "I don't want to be mean, she's my friend, but..." Pathetic. That type of stuff simply doesn't exist in mass amongst male friendships. Say what you will about macho tendencies that manifest into violence, but IMO male relationships tend to be much more grounded. Much more real.

If I'm totally honest, my personal relationships with women, aside from my mother (the relationship is really irrelevant as per obvious bias)have lead me to become beyond cynical on the whole. I intuitively view women as lesser, morally and intellectually, while trying to correct my instinct. I've never met a woman in my life who I honestly, genuinely thought had done the psychological work required to be happy enough with herself and society to realize any semblance of true happiness or generosity. I've never met a woman who has done the tough work required, during The Climb, to learn about herself or human nature to the degree I have. Pretentious? Gross? Probably. The beauty of anonymity shines through again!

I think a lot of men feel this way, but are blinded by biologically-induced allegiance to their mothers good name, or by the similarly distracting charms of sexuality.

I don't think my instinct is wrong here, but it's a poor way to lead your life for selfish reasons. I'm working hard at finding new avenues of worth in the opposite sex beyond, well, sex. It's trying.

I feel better getting that out, heh. I'm 24. Lotsa' time to figure it out, I guess.

[Viny80]

Just be glad you're not a woman then. To say that you "view women as lesser, morally and intellectually", sounds narrow-minded to say the least. Perhaps your keeping the wrong company?, but then again usually the company you keep is a reflection of yourself. If all else fails try a man.

[Katlakat]

How old were these women you describe? When I worked at banks during my 20's and early 30's, I came across smart and intelligent younger women who kept quiet and knew to keep that pettiness out of the workplace, yet when I moved to a small town and worked at its local bank.....the ladies in their 40's and early 50's were the petty backstabbing type.

I tried to analyze where it was coming from....and I did notice each of them at this local bank had marriages that had lasted 20+ years, and all of them have two children each. (There were 4 ladies I worked with).

The common denominator was the fact that they were not happy. They were tired of struggling, working to help support a household that their husbands could not afford on their own. If you asked each woman there (and I did eventually) where they would rather be than sitting in a teller chair waiting for customers, each said, "at home baking, at home with my kids, at home cleaning" or, "at my mother's house."

In my situation, I felt the pettiness was out of habit, the gossip was out of boredom, and the backstabbing was out of the need to connect with others plus a pinch of drama.

I went back to school last year and learned so much about communication and why people do and say the things they do. At least the psychological aspect as to why.

It is unfortunate that you were in company of petty women like you described, hey...I've been there and it is exhausting being around those types of people.

It is extremely exhausting fending off egotistical horny men at the workplace as well. But you don't see me lumping all men in a category of "lesser, morally and intellectually," although I'd love to add to that when men say at work, "I don't care if you're married.....let's hit the janitor closet."

If you didn't have all these individuals around you that displayed inappropriate and annoying behavior, would it stand out when the people who are "grounded" and "real" come up to meet you?

It's all about balance....and how you handle yourself around those people. Behave and respond in a way you can be proud of, educate when its time to lend your opinion, hope for the best, and move on.

Each person has their right to grow in their journey of life. You stick to your climb....help those who need a leg up on theirs if you like....and just watch those petty ones around you. You might witness a life changing event in their life. It's really awesome when you watch someone else grow a little closer to where you are....

it feels, rather incredible. They are not lesser beings....they are in a different place and time than you. That's all.

[lilred0005]

The fact that you are only 24 negates any credability(sorry no spell check on this device) in this post. Come back when you are 44 or 54. Any rational individual would realize that life is comprised of many shades of gray, no situation is all black or all white. That said, you should not castigate an entire gender based on the limited interaction that you have had at your age. I am older than you and have seen more men shirk responsibility and take off when life got tough due to situations like illness. However, I would never say all men are shallow, weak creatures just because I've seen some who were morally inferior. I feel sorry for you if you are that influenced and jaded by your limited life experiences, good luck.

[Mt-7]

Originally Posted by mehhh

In grad school, I worked very closely for hours on end with a small circle of women. These women were from upper-class backgrounds, were reasonably intelligent and are today doing very well for themselves financially across the board. They have pretty faces and lots of Facebook friends, suave condo's or houses, dopey (but providing) husbands and 2.2 kids. You know- The Dream. This is why they had such an impression on me; these are considered to be the women most strive to be, if my social understanding is at all correct.

And yet, the unrelenting pettiness. The seething self-hatred and insecurity that drove almost every thought, even to the degree that it was subconscious. The back-stabbing amongst each other. How none of them- literally none- could hold off on speaking ill about the woman who had just left the room five minutes prior. "I don't want to be mean, she's my friend, but..." Pathetic. That type of stuff simply doesn't exist in mass amongst male friendships. Say what you will about macho tendencies that manifest into violence, but IMO male relationships tend to be much more grounded. Much more real.

If I'm totally honest, my personal relationships with women, aside from my mother (the relationship is really irrelevant as per obvious bias)have lead me to become beyond cynical on the whole. I intuitively view women as lesser, morally and intellectually, while trying to correct my instinct. I've never met a woman in my life who I honestly, genuinely thought had done the psychological work required to be happy enough with herself and society to realize any semblance of true happiness or generosity. I've never met a woman who has done the tough work required, during The Climb, to learn about herself or human nature to the degree I have. Pretentious? Gross? Probably. The beauty of anonymity shines through again!

I think a lot of men feel this way, but are blinded by biologically-induced allegiance to their mothers good name, or by the similarly distracting charms of sexuality.

I don't think my instinct is wrong here, but it's a poor way to lead your life for selfish reasons. I'm working hard at finding new avenues of worth in the opposite sex beyond, well, sex. It's trying.

I feel better getting that out, heh. I'm 24. Lotsa' time to figure it out, I guess.

Consider this:
In an academic situation as you are describing above is the atmosphere of competition without the maturity of slugging it out in the real world.
There you learn to nurture real relationships.
BTW they may have just been looking for a fling, sad but so true as us women take on more male attributes.

[JustJulia]

One of the best things about youth is that you'll probably outgrow your naivete. Leaving the ivory tower and its "small circle of women" will help. Good luck to you!

[Robhu]

I've met many women who I admire because the admiration was justified by their unselfish attitude and perserverance to "climb the ladder" sometimes by picking themselves up by their own boot straps and refusing to let circumstances keep them from obtaining their goals. They didn't step on anyones toes. They just worked for a better life without knocking other people down to get there.
Hopefully, someday you will meet a woman like that.
And no, I don't think most men feel the way you do.
I hope you have a happy single life. With your attitude I doubt you will ever know the love of a real woman because you have already pre-judged them to be in a class inferior to you.
You have already set the stage and are going to miss out on realizing what a treasure a good woman can be.
Except of course for your Mother.
Your alpha male outlook on life is going to cost you somewhere down the road.
There are a hell of a lot of women out there that has already done more for the world than you may ever do.
These kind of posts **** me off. Just for the fact that I have known some truely great Lady's in my life.
And my wife is one of the greatest. She doesn't have a college education. She doesn't have a high paying job. She doesn't put anyone beneath her. She is just the one that is the first to offer help to anyone who needs it without asking anything in return.
She has treated me like a king for 30 years and raised and loves 6 kids. She always puts others needs before her own. To me she is a saint.
With your attitude you may never know or experience the qualities of a good woman.
I don't have much respect for men who put down women in general because they think all women are -------use your own words to finish this sentence.

[mehhh]

I appreciate the responses, I mean it. I assumed they would be much more angry, mean-spirited "you suck" rebuttals, but it's been largely the opposite.


I don't really have a response to anything that has been said. It would be out of line, I think, to "respond;" I confessed my age and default "noobness" in human relations on the whole. And so there is nothing else to say from my end. I don't want to be a liar and make my opinion sound less contemptible, or provide some kind of watered-down defense. These are the honest opinions I have formed through interactions with women in my life, right or wrong. I guess it's really just mental masturbation, as I treat women well regardless of what's going on in my little sociopathic head. But it does make for interesting conversation.

Again, I appreciate the responses and look forward to reading what others have to say.

[Lost&Found]

I think women have a tendency to be superior morally. We are biologically primed to care, given our capacity for mothering. Of course there are exceptions, but you need a hell of a lot of exceptions to make a valid argument. Some have argued that men overcompensate for this inability to give birth by destroying/killing, but that sounds too 70's feminist for this critical thinker.

Let's compare the crime statistics. You will see males are overrepresented in courts and prisons. Don't even get me started on the specifics concerning rape, domestic violence, prositution, paedophilia, child abuse, human trafficking, etc..... But you wanted to discuss more serious issues like... ummmm... "Facebook" and what was it? "Back-stabbing". Of course you don't literally mean 'back stabbing' because you will find that men commit most knife crimes.

I think your post is hate speak disguised as smart observation. What sort of creep hangs around women he regards with contempt for the sole purpose of using their lives as ammunition for his misogyny? Normal folk establish friendships to get closer to people. I hope time and experience takes care of your misguided immaturity.

You stand in arrogant judgement, but ultimately your superiority complex is nothing but an overuse of a defense mechanism. It keeps you distant, safe and invulnerable from something you fear. How sad and lonely.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Did the boy get replaced by a dopey husband??