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I have been seeing someone for 10+ months, in many ways it has been going beautifully. However, we never talk about "the relationship" ... we do talk every day, spend at least 2 nights a week together, I have met his family (plans for him to meet mine, etc.), we have been on 3 trips and got along beautifully ... we have made all kinds of future plans (not marriage, but we have planned out the summer, etc., etc.).
We've had just a few little tiny fights, like once a month, just about lack of communication in making plans. Last night I called him and said I just wanted to talk a little bit about something that had just happened. Within a few minutes he started saying that the relationship wasn't really working out and we clearly saw things differently ... it sort of came out of nowhere ... we just barely had a nice trip over spring break + we just keep trekking along here. It wasn't even a big fight, or a big deal ... (he is super stressed and busy right now, seriously ... and I am just in a late winter rut ...).
This morning I texted him and said I was sorry, that I was just trying to get things worked out and that I thought it was important to recognize that we could argue without the bottom falling out. He texted back and asked if he could come over tonight so we could talk.
Does that seem like a good sign or a bad sign? If he just wanted to break up with me, wouldn't he do it over the phone? Would he really arrange to come over just to break up?
The fact that you guys are going to talk is good. This way you can set the ground rules about talking about making plans. Don't get all worked up over it yet. You don't know whats going to occur. Keep us posted
Gee, I don't want to worry you but from my previous experience in the dating world, it's possible he wants to tell you face to face that it's not working for him. But then again, maybe he wants to discuss how you two can get over this hump. I do not have access to his thoughts so I can't say for sure either way.
Good sign that he is open to talking, but a bad sign that after 10 months, when you should still be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship that you are requiring to have such a conversation...........
There's kind of a lot more. We are both divorced. We each have a daughter. His daughter lives in a foreign country and visits 2 months out of the year. My daughter has just entered this pre-teen phase and is extremely difficult (it happened overnight, just a lot of quick escalation, obstinance). I am VERY devoted to her but it's not a fun moment in time.
So he was really into the fact that I had a daughter and our two daughters LOVE each other when they get together (last summer plus winter break).
But my daughter has started acting out around him, making his time very stressful. He has done nothing to deserve this, these are issues between me and her, but she kind of acts out when he is around, maybe when she has an audience? She also really seems to crave his attention, so when he comes over and we want to watch a movie (rather than playing a game) she also acts out.
So last night on the phone he mentioned her and how he's not having any positive influence on her and how I point out ALL THE TIME that she is worst (worse?) when he is over. And although I do say that, I thought he could understand the psychological subtlety that she is in effect just trying to get attention - positive or negative. I knew this was all getting to be complicated, but I was still surprised that it just jumped out the way it did.
Ultimately, where she is now ... will be different in 6 months or a year ... but today this is where she is and what she is going through, and it's trying for me too ...
Last edited by blossom4792; 03-31-2013 at 11:46 AM..
There's kind of a lot more. We are both divorced. We each have a daughter. His daughter lives in a foreign country and visits 2 months out of the year. My daughter has just entered this pre-teen phase and is extremely difficult (it happened overnight, just a lot of quick escalation, obstinance). I am VERY devoted to her but it's not a fun moment in time.
So he was really into the fact that I had a daughter and our two daughters LOVE each other when they get together (last summer plus winter break).
But my daughter has started acting out around him, making his time very stressful. He has done nothing to deserve this, these are issues between me and her, but she kind of acts out when he is around, maybe when she has an audience? She also really seems to crave his attention, so when he comes over and we want to watch a movie (rather than playing a game) she also acts out.
So last night on the phone he mentioned her and how he's not having any positive influence on her and how I point out ALL THE TIME that she is worst (worse?) when he is over. And although I do say that, I thought he could understand the psychological subtlety that she is in effect just trying to get attention - positive or negative. I knew this was all getting to be complicated, but I was still surprised that it just jumped out the way it did.
Ultimately, where she is now ... will be different in 6 months or a year ... but today this is where she is and what she is going through, and it's trying for me too ...
Maybe since his own daughter is away more he is not used to the hormone imbalance of teen and it's stressing him out too much as in more than he wants to deal with. If so your daughter has to be put in line so as not to become between you and the men you date. Maybe you two can discuss curbing her outburst so that it is not so stressful on him. My husband's daughter was pre-teen/teen when we started dating but she was no trouble for me - luckily. But I can see where it can be off putting and make some one shy away even if he cares about you. After the two of you talk then you need to talk to your daughter and then the three of you need to set down and set some boundries with her.
Oh my gosh, he came over to break up with me. There was no discussion. He said his feelings had "plateaued" and he didn't see any point in continuing. I said that relationships have phases, that the euphoric phase transitions. He said he knew that but still.
I have to say this was pretty much out of the blue. I have been feeling some insecurity, but thought things were just moving along, and that we were breaking out of the winter blues, a lot of stress in his life, and that a new phase was coming.
Does that seem like a good sign or a bad sign? If he just wanted to break up with me, wouldn't he do it over the phone? Would he really arrange to come over just to break up?
Oh my gosh, he came over to break up with me. There was no discussion. He said his feelings had "plateaued" and he didn't see any point in continuing. I said that relationships have phases, that the euphoric phase transitions.
Sorry about that. But definitely not a scumbag. Good for him, and you too.
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