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Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, The World!
146 posts, read 267,899 times
Reputation: 227
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I think that you might not be very good at choosing boyfriends for whatever elaborate psychological reasons, accordingly the odds of this guy being untrustworthy are higher than 50%.
I really think you need to have a talk with him. What's wrong with good old confrontation? I know it sounds old fashioned but it's a more direct and personal tactic.
I'm always amazed at the lack of open communication between two people who label themselves as being in a relationship.
If he found out (which he won't) i think he would understand... thats why we have been thinking about marriage and not jumping into it... ive told him that i couldnt go through another bad relationship again and the fact that we would be married could sink me too low to get back out there... He is a good guy but lately hes been different - hes the one that brought up marriage and i think after i told him i need to think about alot of things and not sure if im ready it pushed him away a little bit and thats why i have my suspicions he may be up to something. I just need to be sure.
I think you are working on justifing your bad behavior.
Did he do anything? no your past people did. yet you are punishing him for YOUR past... not exactly fair. You are not trustworthy yet you want it. Again doesnt seem fair.
The only short end of the stick is going to the bf unfortunately he doesnt have as good of taste as you. If you think he will be so understanding tell him and stop lying to him he has the right to know what kind of person he is involved with. might as well spill the beans so you can both stop wasting your time.
I suggest stop seeking a relationship until you can have one with yourself.
Ok, so i have been cheated on alot in the past and due to that fact, i have a hard time trusting people. I always question what people are really doing and if there telling me the truth about where they are or who there with..
This statement speaks volumes about you. If what you say is true then the problem is you. Not the men you have been dating. You need professional psychological/emotional help to find out why you keep choosing this type of guy and/or what it is about your personality that causes them to stray. Your resources would be better spent on counseling or at the very least some good self-help books.
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Originally Posted by flow12
The fact of life is that most people are liar's, everyone sin's, everyone lies, and everyone has cheated.
No. This is absurdly incorrect. I have known a few cheaters of both sexes but the key word is few. Most people in relationships do not lie and cheat!
Stop playing the "poor me, I'm a victim" game and address the core of the problem; YOU.
To even contemplate getting married to someone whose cellphone you're secretly hacking into is totally insane and totally wrong. I couldn't agree more with those who've suggested you get some serious professional counseling and get to work on yourself before you impose yourself into the life of anyone else. Nobody here needs to know the long and involved story of how you've become what you are because the bottom line is that what you're doing is wrong, period. Call it judgmental or whatever, flail around indignantly saying that "nobody understands", makes no difference. If you don't get some help and get yourself sorted out then I hope your unsuspecting boyfriend finds out what you're doing soon, as any permanent union between the two of you is going to be way less than permanent and is doomed to failure. Good luck!
If he found out (which he won't) i think he would understand...
Really. Then why not tell him about it? Ask him for his blessing to monitor his whereabouts. No self-respecting person would.
Don't make the mistake of thinking this is anywhere close to normal to where a reasonable person would "understand". It is not. Stalking is a serious violation.
Quote:
He is a good guy but lately hes been different - hes the one that brought up marriage and i think after i told him i need to think about alot of things and not sure if im ready it pushed him away a little bit and thats why i have my suspicions he may be up to something. I just need to be sure.
I think this is your overactive, untrusting imagination at work. People like you who don't trust to this degree see little green monsters that don't exist. You have no reason to track his whereabouts, yet you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flow12
The fact of life is that most people are liar's, everyone sin's, everyone lies, and everyone has cheated.
That is absolutely NOT true. It is not fact. I would do him and yourself a favor and not get involed with anyone until you are past your past. It is totally unfair and selfish of you to do what you are doing. Take it from a woman who had someone invade her entire life and turn it completly upside down by someone who couldn't be trusted himself. I would kick you to the curb quicker than you can say GPS.
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Things happen and if you knew my past, and my present position, the whole deal, which i wouldn't type out because it would take me a hour to type it, and 2 hours for you to read it and understand exactly what im talking about, then you might have the right to judge.
You put it out there, you opened yourself up to criticism. Your past is your own. He shouldn't have to pay for it because you are too emotionally immature to get help for YOUR issues and recognize that people are individuals and deserve a clean slate until THEY screw it up it. Even then, they should only pay for what THEY have done.
I'm sorry about what happened to you, truly. But you have allowed these people who betrayed you to control your relationship and your outlook on life. When you allow this, you become no better than they are.
That's sounds like stalking to me. What an invasion of privacy. I also don't understand the "I've been cheated on this past, so now this new person must be held responsible because he has the same hair color, private bits, car, etc". It's bigoted/sexist.
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