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what did you learn or pick up, positive and/or negative, from your parents, which influences how you view and conduct your present-day relationships?
and have those things been more of an asset or detrimental?
in my instance, I'd say the main things were
1. my parents had a 100%-equals relationship- while each had his/her own role, there wasn't any "oneupsmanship" at all.
2. they never fought, didn't even seriously argue, they "discussed" things like reasonable people. their attitude was along the line of "there's not much in life that's worth getting worked-up about- and even less that's worth the upheaval and bad feelings associated with fighting about things."
am wondering what other people's experiences have been
what did you learn or pick up, positive and/or negative, from your parents, which influences how you view and conduct your present-day relationships?
Nothing. But in my case, nothing was a good thing because I started from a clean slate and was able to create my own set of values and rules to live by.
If anything, I learned what not to do! My adult life is the complete opposite of what I learned in childhood. There is no screaming, controlling, or vicious fighting.
If anything, I learned what not to do! My adult life is the complete opposite of what I learned in childhood. There is no screaming, controlling, or vicious fighting.
Yeah! That! Didn't work so well in my first marriage but works now -- conversations, not confrontations. But it takes two!
I think I learned a lot about both what I do and do not want out of my life and relationships from my parents. On one hand, from the relationship my mom had with my biological father, I learned all the things that I don't want out of a relationship, b/c he was everything that I did and do NOT want in a partner. From the relationship my mom and my stepdad have, I have learned a lot as far as dependability in a partner and honesty, and those are definitely values that I've held onto for my current relationships. But their relationship isn't perfect, and I've also learned a lot about what I do/don't want from my mom-step-dad too. He doesn't really help much (or at all really) around the house and has somewhat of an abrasive personality at times, and those are qualities that I could do without in my future relationships. Rambling answer, but that's what you get at 4:30PM on a Monday
If anything, I learned what not to do! My adult life is the complete opposite of what I learned in childhood. There is no screaming, controlling, or vicious fighting.
My mother drilled the importance of self-sufficiency into my head. "Never rely on, depend on, or expect a man to provide for you. You have opportunities I didn't have, so do for yourself."
Then she set an example by going to work when I was 9, when my father decided he was going to freelance (which, though lucrative at times, is not exactly stable).
I thanked her for that lesson before she passed away. It has served me well.
Oddly enough, I learned more about relationships themselves from my older sisters. They are 9, 10, and 14 years older than I am, and I learned from their mistakes. I have to say, I haven't had nearly the problems with men that they did.
Nothing. But in my case, nothing was a good thing because I started from a clean slate and was able to create my own set of values and rules to live by.
Same here. I wouldn't want to be like them.
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