Can players be good fathers? (girl, older, family, child)

[SweetBecky]

Originally Posted by WanderingFlame

And also, just because he spends "a couple days a week" with his kid doesn't necessarily make him a good father either. I could put up with having a kid too if I just had to see them a few time a week, play nice and then hand them to someone else to take care of and deal with all the messy stuff.

I don't think she would be very happy to have to share the house with him after what happened. He calls in advance everytime he wants to see the boy. But at 3 months old I don't think there's a lot he can do with him.

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by WanderingFlame

You seem to be excusing the father's behavior more than the mother's. Sure, she was stupid...THEY BOTH WERE.

Oh, God not this again. Am I supposed to bash him in order to make it even steven? Yes, they were both stupid. That was never in dispute.

As far as I can tell, he is doing what he is supposed to do, despite the fact that he is, supposedly, a player. She on the other hand is behaving like a pimply faced teen. She is mad because she didn't get the result she wanted and is now badmouthing him even though he is doing more than is required of him.

And um, what happened between them has everything to do with the baby, they MADE the baby because of what happened between them.

Um, I am not referring to the fact that they had sex. I am referring to what went down between THEM (he was with other women, he hurt her, etc.). That has nothing to do with the baby. None of that is interfering with his desire to be responsible and involved. So, why is she allowing it to warp her thinking to the point of making him out to be something he is not, as far as being a father goes?

She's showing disrespect? Seriously?

Seriously? You don't find it disrespectful that she saying that his child is nothing more than the equivalent of a new car to him and he'll lose interest? Good luck to ya.

I'll speculate further and say that she is probably projecting her own feelings of dad's "lost interest" onto her son.

She might have been an idiot but what if she really did have feelings for the guy? How could you say she was no victim in this?

So? It is abundantly clear she had feelings for him. I did say she feels what she feels and she is entitled to it. That doesn't mean it is acceptable to behave the way she is behaving. Being hurt doesn't give anyone the right to mouth off in any way they see fit.

I'll say it again. If she decided that there was no need to discuss their status, ESPECIALLY when she is having UNPROTECTED SEX with him, she is no victim, not in the way it is being presented. I'm not saying she deserves to hurt. And I already said he may have lead on her on. The fact is that it is over. She needs to grow up, own her part in it and focus on what is important, that baby.

We all get crazy for a person sometime in our life and do stupid things we wouldn't normally do...be totally irrational, etc.

Let's not do the "we" thing. People do make mistakes, but what is your point exactly? Are you saying no one should say anything at all about it? If so, this is the wrong place for that line of thinking.

I don't think she should badmouth her ex in front the child but I think she has every right to be pissed about what happened.

She does. Pissed is a feeling, not an action. Don't confuse the two.

It was his decision as well as hers to not use a condom and it was his decision to play around on someone who didn't know any better at the time and thought they were head over heels.

Okay. Let's say that is all true, what does it have to do with his relationship with the baby?

And also, just because he spends "a couple days a week" with his kid doesn't necessarily make him a good father either. I could put up with having a kid too if I just had to see them a few time a week, play nice and then hand them to someone else to take care of and deal with all the messy stuff.

This is true. And being there every day doesn't guarantee anything either. But you, along with the drama baby mama, are dismissing what he IS doing.

I'll stick to the details presented by the OP. It is fair to say that she is creating problems where there are none. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it.

[SweetBecky]

I personally don't know many stories about players who had kids, they usually avoid that I suppose.

I'm doubtful about how he will handle the demands of a growing child, things get more complex as they get older. He might want to keep the child a secret so it doesn't compromise his future dates.

[SweetBecky]

I went to my friend's house today and he was there. I hadn't been with him since around the baby was born.

He does seem to treat the baby like a new toy but in a good way, you can clearly see he's the kind of guy who had never even held a baby before but can't take his hands off him.

My heart melts with babies, to think that apart from all the cheating and the resentment, an innocent little baby was born that has no fault in this.

[Phil75230]

Can Players be Good Fathers?

Possible, but not likely. Once you're a Player, I imagine it's hard to stop that stuff, even if he or she does get married (yep, I include female players too). In the end though, players are just man-whores , not worthy of trust. I certainly wouldn't want to bet (quite literally!) tens of thousands of dollars on it - and that's just the strict money risk involved in being with a player. Don't even ask about the emotional pain the children and parents will go through as a result of getting involved with a player(ette).

As the computer in Wargames said:What a strange game! The only winning move is not to play. If you have to hook up to a player - you're better off making sure that he perfers to play World of Warcraft over the dating field.

[SweetBecky]

Originally Posted by Phil75230

Can Players be Good Fathers?

Possible, but not likely. Once you're a Player, I imagine it's hard to stop that stuff, even if he or she does get married (yep, I include female players too). In the end though, players are just man-whores , not worthy of trust. I certainly wouldn't want to bet (quite literally!) tens of thousands of dollars on it - and that's just the strict money risk involved in being with a player. Don't even ask about the emotional pain the children and parents will go through as a result of getting involved with a player(ette).

As the computer in Wargames said:What a strange game! The only winning move is not to play. If you have to hook up to a player - you're better off making sure that he perfers to play World of Warcraft over the dating field.

Will children go through more pain than having, let's say, divorced parents?

[Phil75230]

Becky, I certainly don't minimize the pain divorced parents go through, with custody issues and time-splitting between both parents. Children, depending on the age at the time of divorce, generally have much more difficulty with grasping the nuances and intricacies of their parents' divorce - even assuming they know about all the issues leading to the divorce (which almost certainly they will not).

My point is that when a couple with children divorces, there's other people who must bear the pain of their actions. Players, as a group, are less likely to care about the well-being of their children. We've all heard about parents abandoning their responsibilities to their children, so I don't think I need to elaborate here.

[WanderingFlame]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

Seriously? You don't find it disrespectful that she saying that his child is nothing more than the equivalent of a new car to him and he'll lose interest? Good luck to ya.

I'll speculate further and say that she is probably projecting her own feelings of dad's "lost interest" onto her son.

So? It is abundantly clear she had feelings for him. I did say she feels what she feels and she is entitled to it. That doesn't mean it is acceptable to behave the way she is behaving. Being hurt doesn't give anyone the right to mouth off in any way they see fit.

Why not? I don't think that saying what she did is necessarily bad given the circumstances. Her saying he'll treat the baby like a new toy and get tired of him is just her voicing her concern because yes, he did do that to her so it might be likely he'll do the same to the baby. Not saying it will, but she definitely has a point in thinking that and she is venting. It would be worse for her to just bottle up her emotions and concerns. I'm sorry but the player kinda does deserve to know how much he has hurt another human being with his actions. Besides, it's not like the baby is old enough to understand what she is saying now anyway. Wait a few years and let's see if the mother keeps her mouth shut. I would be more worried if she then was saying these kinds of things right in front of the child when he's older as well as calling the father every name in the book. Then she would definitely be baby mama drama.

I'll say it again. If she decided that there was no need to discuss their status, ESPECIALLY when she is having UNPROTECTED SEX with him, she is no victim, not in the way it is being presented. I'm not saying she deserves to hurt. And I already said he may have lead on her on. The fact is that it is over. She needs to grow up, own her part in it and focus on what is important, that baby.

People shouldn't be having unprotected sex, I get it, but you also admit that he may have lead her on. In the heat of the moment, he might have been very manipulative. Being taken advantage of in a weak moment is being a victim. I'm not arguing with you on the last thing you said in this quote though. Yes it's over, and they both need to grow up for what is important for that baby.

Okay. Let's say that is all true, what does it have to do with his relationship with the baby?

Someone asked if players make good fathers, and from what I'm reading, at least he's coming around to see the baby, I'm not dismissing that. It's just that I don't see how taking care of the baby a couple times a week is being a "good" father. Thus, I'm answering the question based on my own opinion. True, it would be worse if they got together and fought and divorced, they shouldn't be getting together just for the baby's sake.

I'll stick to the details presented by the OP. It is fair to say that she is creating problems where there are none. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it.

What problems? This is what I am disagreeing with you on mostly. You are calling her a drama mama when I don't see any evidence of that. Is she letting him see the baby? Is she attacking the father when he comes to visit? Is she bad mouthing him then? Unless I missed something, she hasn't really caused all that much "drama" besides stating her concerns on the matter to a friend. It would be baby mama drama if she was getting all up in his face and screaming at him.

[SweetBecky]

Originally Posted by WanderingFlame

Someone asked if players make good fathers, and from what I'm reading, at least he's coming around to see the baby, I'm not dismissing that. It's just that I don't see how taking care of the baby a couple times a week is being a "good" father.

He obviously doesn't live with her and I can't see how a much more a father could do with a 3 month old baby. At that age they essentially need the mother.

Thanks a lot everyone for your input.

[sophialee]

Originally Posted by SweetBecky

He obviously doesn't live with her and I can't see how a much more a father could do with a 3 month old baby. At that age they essentially need the mother.

Thanks a lot everyone for your input.

They need their father too. And no he can't go hiking with him, or play soccer, but he CAN bond with him and love him. Something all babies need, especially in their younger years.