Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Like most people, I can't stand guys who are players. They are nothing more than heartless jerks who go around toying with people's feelings. They are disgusting, self centered and just fool around to hide their insecurity.
A friend of mine got to meet this guy who at first seemed like a really nice person. He's good looking, intelligent, funny, high paying job, well, he had most things women want. They started dating and apparently he wanted sex very early in the relationship but she was head over heels with him and things went too fast. We used to talk about him and I remember her saying how in love she was, that she had finally met the perfect guy for her.
For me it had always seemed too perfect to be true. And I was right. It turns out that this fantastic guy had been sleeping with several women in his office while he was dating her. She found it through mobile phone messages and other stuff. And, in addition to getting her heartbroken, he got her pregnant (I can't believe people in their early 30s still don't use protection). She was miserable for a few weeks as you can imagine, she wasn't planning on getting pregnant then and didn't know how to tell him, saying he would just run away. I told her that he had the right to know.
To her and my surprise, even though he wasn't expecting of course, he took it very well when she told him. She was thinking he would suggest abortion or something like that. He was okay with her having the kid.
A paternity test later confirmed that he is the father but since he comes from a wealthy family, I had thought who would just shower the kid with presents once in a while and pay child support and that was it.
Again, for my surprise, he took an active role in the pregnancy and was quite thrilled when their cute baby boy was born. The babyis know 3 months old and there isn't much he can do with him, but he goes to see his son several times a week, he likes to bath him and doesn't mind changing a nappy at all. He calls almost every day and pays more money than the court demanded.
Obviously my friend is still very resentful and hurted by him and feels uncomfortable around him but I've told her that, no matter what, she must let him see the child, he has every right to be with him. However, she says he will be a bad role model to him since he carries on with his sexual affairs.
How much of how despise that guy for what he does to women, I have to give him credit for making an effort to be a father, most of these guys wouldn't do that.
Do you know any similar story? Do you think despite being players, these guys can be good to others and take care of their responsabilities as fathers?
They started dating and apparently he wanted sex very early in the relationship but she was head over heels with him and things went too fast. We used to talk about him and I remember her saying how in love she was, that she had finally met the perfect guy for her.
You said he wanted sex very early on - she was head over heels that early on? Did he feel the same way about her? All of the above speaks to how she feels about him, that's all.
Quote:
For me it had always seemed too perfect to be true. And I was right. It turns out that this fantastic guy had been sleeping with several women in his office while he was dating her. She found it through mobile phone messages and other stuff.
Did he ever commit to her? This is important to know. And why is she digging through his phone?
I'm not discounting how she feels, but there are plenty of people who feel sleeping with someone and being in love in 2.3 seconds constitutes a full-blown relationship. Are they still not together? Is he dating other people?
That said, he is obviously doing his part. It is her pride and jealousy talking when she says he is going to be a bad influence on the baby. I pray to God she isn't going to be one of those nightmare baby mommas who is yanking him into court for custody because she wants to get back at him.
There are plenty of men who are not cut out for monogamy. Being a parent doesn't mean they have to go that route. None of this means they are going parade mutliple women around their kids and teach them to do the same. I know several who do their thing, but when it's time for visitation, it's daddy time. They're great fathers. Someone who doesn't want to settle down is not necessarily a bad person or a bad example. Even if he misled her, he can still be a good father. Kids have an amazing effect on people.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 03-09-2010 at 01:01 PM..
They are THE BEST role models for adolescent boys. Not only do they give them a genetic boost but they are also good at training them to play the field. Essential skills in today's hook up culture.
My dad only taught me how to throw a baseball!
Ladies. If you want to raise happy young sons, keep your ex in their life even if you hate his guts.
A player will never be a good father. Players are players b/c they like not to be tied down to one person or relationship. Relationships are hard, they take work and dedication. Good parents need not live with a child. But a good relationship with a child requires a lot of time and devotion. Devotion at any level is not something a player can do - that's why he's a player! It's not possible to be a good father without having a relationship with a child. Players simply don't have what it takes.
I've seen players "settle down". With the birth of a child he will "change", his priorties will change ... for a while. Then, it's back to the game that only a player can play.
I knew a player who loved his daughter so much. He was divorced from his daughter's mother (of course!). I dated this man many years ago. He did keep contact with his daughter over the years. But his first love - like a drug - was the game. His daughter was constantly disapponted with his lack of devotion - she loved her father. As she became an adult she learned (via her father's actions) that women come and go in a man's life - that for a man to "love" a woman, the woman needed to be "hot" and when "it" was over - the man would get a new woman. Guess how her life turned out.
Honestly, your friend was lucky in that if she HAD to get pregnant outside of a committed relationship, it was by a man who (by your description) is OK with being a dad. Granted, no one plans to be a single mom, but if it happens he seems to be taking on his bit as far as the child is concerned. Your friend may be resentful that he doesn't want to be with her, but she should be thankful that he is there for her kid. If one must be knocked up by a player, he seems to be the better sort
I've seen players "settle down". With the birth of a child he will "change", his priorties will change ... for a while. Then, it's back to the game that only a player can play.
Indeed, my friend is afraid of that. She says he will eventully grow tired of his son.
Indeed, my friend is afraid of that. She says he will eventully grow tired of his son.
Still to this day men take sons more seriously than daughters. My friend had a son by a player. She said, "He was the worst BF but the best dad". He had a daughter by another woman. After a few months he went MIA on the daughter, but is still in his son's life 15 yrs later.
Well, there is not enough that we know about this story. We don't know whether or not this relationship was exclusive, it is not written in the first post. We don't know how this man perceived this relationship and quite honestly, we don't know his age, if he ever was married and whether or not he is in fact a player. Men go through times when they have multiple partners and when they are playing the fields. Doesn't mean that they are not capable to eventually settle down and be committed to one person.
If this man is in fact a perpetual player, it can go either way. He can either continue to be actively involved in his child's life or eventually get married, have a child with that woman and completely shift his priorities (doesn't necessarily mean he will be faithful to his wife, but players also do get married, you know?) Unfortunately, second scenario is more likely to happen, but this would happen not only with the player, with any man really. Right now, he visits his child all the time because he is unattached, he won't continue doing it once he is actually in a serious relationship.
Either way, the best thing for this child at this moment is to have the father involved as much as possible. Sounds like this man was happy to accept him and at this point, your friend doesn't have anything more to ask for. I hope she doesn't badmouth him to the son, that is the worst she could do.
A player will never be a good father. Players are players b/c they like not to be tied down to one person or relationship. Relationships are hard, they take work and dedication. Good parents need not live with a child. But a good relationship with a child requires a lot of time and devotion. Devotion at any level is not something a player can do - that's why he's a player! It's not possible to be a good father without having a relationship with a child. Players simply don't have what it takes.
Based on the OP, this "player" is spending plenty of time with his child and pays more support than he has to. He must not be a player then.
Is all this is based on actual fact or the one player you knew? Even if you knew a hundred of them, you'd still have no basis to claim they will "never" make good fathers. My experiences say this is absolutely not true, aside from it being observedly false.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetBecky
Indeed, my friend is afraid of that. She says he will eventully grow tired of his son.
Why would she think this? Is it because he is actually showing signs that he will or because she is mad that he doesn't feel for her the way she felt for him? Really, it is sounding like the latter to me, based on the info you have given.
Like I said on the first post they are both in their early 30s, he's 33. Well, he was sleeping around while being with her, so I suppose that answers how he perceived the relationship with her: sex and fun for a short time before moving to the next one. He has never been married.
He's not the type of guy I would go for if I didn't know what he is. Yes he's handsome and smart but too much of a party boy, clubbing every weekend, etc.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
