Is over protective relevant when other guys hit on my girlfriend? (boyfriend, how to)
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My girlfriend always get a phone call from a guy she met through a friend but she never gave out her number to him, and she is considering of changing her number, he ignores the fact that she has a boyfriend and always continue to call her. She is very honest with me but even though I am smart some decisions may not be applicable.
Is over protective relevant when other guys hit on my girlfriend? My girlfriend gets hit on every time and I know its good on a complimentary level, but I get a bit agitated when 1 or 2 persist even when they know she has a boyfriend, should i confront them?
I have to wonder what circles you're traveling in when other guys hit on your girlfriend on a regular basis? Is your girlfriend giving out mixed signals?
What SHE should be doing when this one man calls her is be blunt with him, tell him not to call her again and hang up - and keep hanging up until he gets bored. She could likewise easily deter others from hitting on her.
As far as you being confrontational - don't do it. Your girlfriend should know how to stick up for herself and as long as someone isn't really in her face or touching her, leave it alone. What I WOULD do is talk to her about mixed signals if you think this could be the problem. Good luck!
DH asks me if I want him to intervene. If it is something I can't handle, I say, "Of course, help me out."
If it is something I can take care of, I like to do it myself.
Ask her first. There are subtle ways to making your point across to other men, but that sometimes doesn't work. I had a co-worker tell me that my wearing a wedding ring meant nothing to him. I said, "You being brought up on harassment charges certainly will".
But I would ask her first, and see if she wants your help. Let her know how it makes you feel that men constantly harass her, and that's all you should do.
If she's considering changing her number to stop this guy from calling her than obviously his calls are unwelcome to her, not just to you. If that's the case, you should rest easy and trust that nothing is going to happen between them. And I think the better option than changing her number would be if she's just honest with him and sets some boundaries. She needs to say something like "Look, I have a boyfriend and I think your calls are kind of inappropriate, I'd appreciate if you would back off". But if YOU get involved, he'll think you're just being jealous and probably won't respect any boundaries. It has to come from her. Furthermore, getting "overprotective" will make her think she can't take care of herself or that you don't trust her.
These problems usually occur because the person being called either doesn't want to be mean, is flattered by the attention or kind of likes to see the boyfriend's reaction when she tells him that this person has called again.
It's very simple: "Do NOT call me again or I will consider it harassment and call the police" (even if she has no intention of doing that) and hang up. Blunt and to the point. Unless he's a creepy stalker type-- which should be reported to the police-- it seems he's not getting a vibe that his calls are unwelcome. If he is a creepy stalker, I'd change my number in a heartbeat.
There's a line between "overprotective" and "jealous" that you don't want to cross. She picked you, for whatever reasons, and not any other guy.
I talk to an ex-girlfriend of mine from time to time, and she tells me how her current beau is very jealous. Personally, I'd like to have a talk with him--of course, I'm not sure how he'd take it. I no longer have any romantic interest in her, because she isn't what I'm looking for anymore. And she already had the chance to pick me, years ago, and she picked someone else at the time. Now, as I pointed out above, she's picked HIM for whatever reasons she did so, and he should have the trust in her, and confidence in himself not to be so concerned about some other guy. I don't talk about our past, I don't make suggestive remarks. I wish her well, and I DO still care about her--but caring about her means NOT interfering in her new relationship, in her present life.
She said that he's asked about me, and I told her the best reply is the truth--[and I quote]"He was a part of my past, but not a part of my future." We want different things, and I'm not interested in her in a romantic sense.
Yeah. She is (I assume) a grown-up, and it's up to her to hold up her part of the relationship and preserve its sanctity. If she's encouraging other guys, there's not much you can do about it (short of breaking up). Otherwise, let her deal with it.
Another option? Have her agree to go to lunch with him or meet him for coffee - but she has to make it clear that you will be there as well. This is not so you can put on a whole macho, protective act but instead to get it through to him that she's actually happy with you and that his attention is unwelcome. In other words, the two of you are a team. I bet that lunch will never happen, because his aim is to get to her and not have to deal with you at all.
You're girlfriend can shut them down very quickly if she's putting out the right signals and body language and making it painfully clear she's not interested. She could shut this phone caller down with one call...tell him she's calling the police if he persists and not to ever call her again. After that, it's harassment and she can pursue legal alternatives. If I were you, I would observe just how well she's deflecting this unwanted attention before you start defending her honor.
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