What do you do when love is not enough?

[Huckleberry3911948]

if you are a 10 you can get a rich guy to take you around the world.
if you are a 4 you choices are much more limited.
the scary part used to be i knew gals in good condition but pushing 60--- jilting millionaires.
but now they are still single and showing up at the dances alone and older.

[jhlcomp]

Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*

It's amazing how often I get told that. I still don't quite understand what outgrowing someone means...?

"Outgrowing" someone has a vast range. Example - let's say you decide to go to college or pursue an advanced degree and your partner has a high school degree. Oftentimes, you may love each other but because of the education experience and different interest levels it can cause two people to go in separate directions. Another common case is maturity, different interests, different goals and the list goes on.

If I read correctly you are now 30 years old and you have been together for 10 years. You were 20 when you got together and, whether you may know it or not, you have changed over the 10 years and perhaps more than him given that he was already older.

He is not going to change and it would be futile to think he will. Have a serious talk with him sans emotion, but a serious talk. If the relationship is as important to him as you, consider counseling.

[*VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*]

Thanks again for all the great replies. Shysister you are awesome.

So we had a huge fight last night...

He has a habit of putting all information into his cell phone. He always has reminders in his calendar, in the notes section he puts sports statistics in there and he records how much money we spend while on holidays.

A few weeks ago I had seen an advertisement for a fair I wanted to attend. When I suggested it to him, he said last time he went it was very expensive and he didn't have much fun, but he'd go with me if I wanted. Another advertisement for that same fair came on the tv days later, saying entry was $30 per person. I was in the other room and he yelled out "honey! It's going to cost us $60 just to get in!". His saying he had a bad time and that yelling out told me that was his way of saying he didn't really want to go.

Last night he asked me about it, as a suggestion for something to do this weekend. I said to be honest I wasn't too keen anymore, that I pictured him at the fair putting every expense into his phone and me spending the day being worried that he wasn't having fun. He flipped the f out at me.

"You think I am going to walk around like some tight wod putting everything into my phone?!!??!?!?! Is that what you think of me?!!!!???!!!!"

He went into the bedroom for the rest of the night and didn't come out - I spent another night wide awake with the issue unresolved. In true guy form he never wants to talk about it at the time. This morning he said goodbye to me but I am dreading going home tonight. I don't quite understand why he was so insulted. He seems to take offence to so many things. One time we were being intimate and I didn't do something I usually do because I just wasn't in the mood for it and he took such offence that he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. He always thinks he is being "disrespected" or "attacked" by people, including me. I feel like I am always having to defend myself.

[Shysister]

Thanks!

I think he's feeling and reacting to the emotional distance that's developed between the two of you. Although you're on here talking it out, your body language will still reflect what you're truly feeling, and the fact that he's lived with you for years, he knows and can feel when something is off about you. So he knows and is very aware of what you're feeling. He knows what's coming so he gets angry and bitter in order to manipulate and control the situation so he can make you feel guilty and that it's your fault. That's actually a form of abuse. He knows it's over but if he can make you feel like crap, keep your self-esteem low, and make you believe you're nothing without him, he knows you'll stay because you'll be to weak to leave and that's what he wants.

[*VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*]

Originally Posted by Shysister

make you believe you're nothing without him, he knows you'll stay because you'll be to weak to leave and that's what he wants.

He has always made me feel a little like this... don't get me wrong he is a wonderful, attentive boyfriend in comparison to the losers I once dated, but he has a tendancy to remind me of it.

Lately he has been telling me a lot that I don't know him at all. Last night he said the same thing. Maybe he is right? Or maybe I am the one who has changed and I just don't see him the same way. Or I do know him and have realised I don't like what I see?

Urghhhhhhhh! I am so confused. I must admit though I am proud of myself. Last night I actually stood up for myself. Usually I just blubber like a baby and tell him I'm sorry whenever he gets mad at me.

Thanks again, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply more than you know!