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Old 04-20-2010, 05:11 PM
 
660 posts, read 1,533,708 times
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I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, and my wife leaving me (for the second time, this time with our son) was all that I needed in order to finally realize that I needed to re-think my priorities and straighten up my act.

Those in my life who are close to the situation can see that I've made some dramatic changes in my life. I sense that my STBX can see a difference, too. I have an uncle who is married (for the second time) to the same woman he met while in college.

There are days where I am very bitter about the way things turned out (for my wife and), yet am SO much happier with my own progress in life; and, there are days where I can't think about anything other than my wife.

I'm not so much looking for opinions on how things might go for me down the road, as I am in hearing the stories of others. Any of you guys (or gals) divorced and remarried the same person (even if there was another relationship or marriage in between)?
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:15 PM
 
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I didn't, but my grandparents did and they stayed married the second time until the day they died. No one ever knew about it until after he had passed away and all we could find was the divorce decree and no re-marriage certificate. It eventually surfaced.
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,775 posts, read 11,836,682 times
Reputation: 11485
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe View Post
I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, and my wife leaving me (for the second time, this time with our son) was all that I needed in order to finally realize that I needed to re-think my priorities and straighten up my act.

Those in my life who are close to the situation can see that I've made some dramatic changes in my life. I sense that my STBX can see a difference, too. I have an uncle who is married (for the second time) to the same woman he met while in college.

There are days where I am very bitter about the way things turned out (for my wife and), yet am SO much happier with my own progress in life; and, there are days where I can't think about anything other than my wife.

I'm not so much looking for opinions on how things might go for me down the road, as I am in hearing the stories of others. Any of you guys (or gals) divorced and remarried the same person (even if there was another relationship or marriage in between)?
Yes. And it was big mistake. Nothing had changed. No issues had been resolved and it went right back to the same ol' same ol'. We did go to counseling but that didn't help either. Should have done that BEFORE trying again and I would've realized it would be a 'mistake'. The guy had tons of problems and I honestly thought *I* could "help" him. Dumb but hopeful is what I was. It only lasted ten months.

Are you and your wife considering getting back together or is this just something you wondered about?
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,230,825 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe View Post
I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, and my wife leaving me (for the second time, this time with our son) was all that I needed in order to finally realize that I needed to re-think my priorities and straighten up my act.

Those in my life who are close to the situation can see that I've made some dramatic changes in my life. I sense that my STBX can see a difference, too. I have an uncle who is married (for the second time) to the same woman he met while in college.

There are days where I am very bitter about the way things turned out (for my wife and), yet am SO much happier with my own progress in life; and, there are days where I can't think about anything other than my wife.

I'm not so much looking for opinions on how things might go for me down the road, as I am in hearing the stories of others. Any of you guys (or gals) divorced and remarried the same person (even if there was another relationship or marriage in between)?
Hey, live and learn - and better late than never Sounds like you are getting your life and priorities straight.

I had a favorite aunt and uncle who married each other twice. The first time around he was just too much of a playboy. He worked for a large liquor distributor in the days when that meant lots of parties, events and free booze. They had two kids and that still didn't slow him down. Being a mom escalated her maturity and she finally kicked him to the curb. She was single and sought after for about 5 years (she was a very attractive lady, and not just physically).

Well, can't say for sure what happened in his life to wake him up - but he did wake up. He worked hard to win her back, though she was incredulous that he would even try after so many years divorced. They eventually remarried and went on to have a very tight knit, close family. When she died 10 years ago (at the very young age of 57) he practically became a hermit in his grief. We all still miss her so much! But I know he's grateful now for the time he did have with her in his life.
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:26 PM
 
660 posts, read 1,533,708 times
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It's just something that I am wondering about. Regardless of how some (or most?) of her family feels about me, I do think that she sees that I have made a great turnaround. The differences in our personalities were not the downfall of our relationship. It was my bone-headedness and all-out-selfishness that did us in.

There are things about people that just do not change. I say that because I do believe that relationships can prosper when two people are so dynamically different. My wife is never going to be able to turn me into someone that is really mellow like she is (and she would never try to) and I'm never going to be able to change her into someone that is spontaneous and excitable like I am.

My wife and I have not talked about this, and for now she is well protected by her family (as would be expected in a divorce). I'm sure that somewhere deep inside of her she is wondering "He has changed a lot, but can he accept that I have NOT changed?".

But, anyway, back to the .... eh'hem.....intended direction of the thread.
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:30 PM
 
660 posts, read 1,533,708 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Well, can't say for sure what happened in his life to wake him up - but he did wake up. He worked hard to win her back, though she was incredulous that he would even try after so many years divorced. They eventually remarried and went on to have a very tight knit, close family. When she died 10 years ago (at the very young age of 57) he practically became a hermit in his grief. We all still miss her so much! But I know he's grateful now for the time he did have with her in his life.
That just brought tears to my eyes, that is really, really sad. It makes me sad because of how much I have hurt my wife in the past, how much I destroyed all that she thought she had. A wonderful marriage. A man that loved her for who she was. A man that would do anything for her children. The last two I can provide her now, the first one seems to be up to her. But if I ever get her back I will never let her go.
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,775 posts, read 11,836,682 times
Reputation: 11485
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsOfMe View Post
It's just something that I am wondering about. Regardless of how some (or most?) of her family feels about me, I do think that she sees that I have made a great turnaround. The differences in our personalities were not the downfall of our relationship. It was my bone-headedness and all-out-selfishness that did us in.

There are things about people that just do not change. I say that because I do believe that relationships can prosper when two people are so dynamically different. My wife is never going to be able to turn me into someone that is really mellow like she is (and she would never try to) and I'm never going to be able to change her into someone that is spontaneous and excitable like I am.

My wife and I have not talked about this, and for now she is well protected by her family (as would be expected in a divorce). I'm sure that somewhere deep inside of her she is wondering "He has changed a lot, but can he accept that I have NOT changed?".

But, anyway, back to the .... eh'hem.....intended direction of the thread.
Okay, I was just going to suggest that if you WERE thinking about getting back together you should get some pretty intense counseling first.

Until I saw the other posts I had forgotten that I also had an aunt and uncle that divorced and remarried. They stayed together until they both died and shared a room at the nursing home till then too. It CAN work.
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:43 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 3,387,072 times
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My parents divorced when I was a year old, my mother remarried, and I had a step father for ten years. Then they got divorced, and my mother married my father again. They had about six good years and then it fell apart again. I'm pretty sure my mother married my father the second time for me, and that's a minor guilt I carry.
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Old 04-20-2010, 05:46 PM
 
660 posts, read 1,533,708 times
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It's tough for me, because right now I can't approach her about this and you KNOW her family isn't going to. How does one make something like this work? Just asking "Wanna' start dating again?" seems very much "out of touch" in my situation. Is it something that she is likely to ever come around to thinking about? She and I loved each other VERY much when we were together.

Do people often re-marry each other because their perspectives on things have changed, or is it because of the loneliness factor?
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,724 posts, read 21,112,896 times
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As said by a famous orator and former head of state who shall remain nameless:

Quote:
"Fool me once, shame ... shame on ... you."





"Fool me ... can't get fooled again!"
But you've already been married to her twice?

And she's left you twice?


Are you freaking nutz?
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