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Don't sweat it, when people get old they get nostalgic.
Agreed. It's only a problem if she looks him up on Facebook out of the blue and wants to start having contact. I've had a couple of ex's do this in the last year and they wanted to check in on "the one that got away" and see what things might have been like had we'd worked out. This is bad because, well, quite frankly it leads to sex if the guy has any Game.
my wife's friend had mentioned calling her "first love." So my wife mentions this and also mentions that there is a tie or bond (my word there) with your first love. Naturally I get a little inquisitive and she gets a little defensive saying that there is nothing romantic/sexual/deep feelings, just a common bond.
This is how innocuous comments get over-analyzed and take on "hidden meanings". Relax!
I remember my first bf/first love very fondly and cherish the memories of that time with him. I hope that he is with someone that makes him happy and is deserving of him, because he was truly a terrific guy.
Having said that, it does not come close to the love I have for my husband or for the life that we have built together.
I never understood the idea of having a bond with a first love. BTW all females DO NOT feel that way. That's a load of malarkey. Just like any other breakup, we're not together for good reasons and happily I am not bonded to the first random dude I thought I loved.
Anywho, I wouldn't worry unless I got a lot more "hints" from her. Let her have her delusions of a perfect past with ol' boy. Some people like that.
I have to agree with some of the posts above that a women's opinion of a first crush or first boyfriend will differ greatly from a man's opinion.
I remember my first real love like it was yesterday when in fact it was over 20 years ago. I remember everything about our first kiss, our first date, etc. I remember feeling like I was on top of the world and was so proud to call him mine for the whoppin 6 months it lasted. He broke it off and I didn't date for 2 years. I missed him for many, many years after that and finally was able to be his friend again when we were in college. I didn't have the same feelings for him and wasn't interested in rekindling, but I will always hold a special place in my heart for my first love. I again reconnected with him about 5 years ago and he was shocked I remembered his birthday. I think women just hold on to and cherish memories of our youth and of young love.
OK, for some it may be perfectly normal, but for me-I was taken a little back. Anyways, my wife and I were talking about one of her co worker's dilemma with an ongoing divorce. Make a long story short regarding that, my wife's friend had mentioned calling her "first love." So my wife mentions this and also mentions that there is a tie or bond (my word there) with your first love. Naturally I get a little inquisitive and she gets a little defensive saying that there is nothing romantic/sexual/deep feelings, just a common bond.
I guess it threw me for a bit of a loop because I really don't have any "tie" with my first relationship. That was 20 years ago, and while, yes, I may be curious as to what happened with her, I have ZERO interest in reigniting anything. As such, I have a hard time feeling some sort of special bond with a girl where the relationship occured in, oh, 1989 or so.
And just for good measure and to heighten my insecurity, my wife's brother had told her that her ex boyfriend from 20+ years ago had asked about her and her other sisters-this was several weeks prior.
Any thoughts on this or am I worrying incessantly?
Does your father have any female friends? Really? Well neither does mine. This "first love" business 20 yrs into a marriage is completely inappropriate. Its not a matter of being secure or insecure. A female will always call you jealous when you don't want her to do something inappropriate. I am single and I do not harbor thoughts about past girlfriends. If I haven't gotten over someone and I'm still thinking about my first kiss with them I don't date other people... period.
The question is do you want to get a divorce?Moderator cut: snip As a previous poster said women will not be open with you when they start their affair. I would keep my thoughts to myself and be vigilant for awhile. Another thing I've found is when women say really offensive stuff like that don't get upset. Just sort of smile and nod. It gets them talking. Don't encourage their behavior but just smile and listen and ask innocuous questions and laugh. You would be amazed what kind of ph-cked up stuff comes out of their mouths when you let them talk.
Of course it could be just something exceedingly stupid she heard on Oprah. I find girls parrot things to me that they read in Cosmo or in a movie. Its weird. Its like their obsession with Sex and the City. A show about a bunch of over the hill women acting inapporpriately... and they want to copy that stuff. She probably doesn't even know what she's saying. My friends and I have had several situations where girls have said things to us that were kind of weird and then one day we're watching a movie and someone blurts out the line. We all just laugh and shake our heads.
Last edited by wigirl920; 05-07-2010 at 08:12 PM..
TONS of people have all sorts of nostalgic, romantic notions about their first love and all it means, yadda yadda yadda...which does not at all mean they want to get back with them. It's like your first car, graduation day, etc, etc...milestones and rites of passage.
Guys will likely remember the first car the same way women will likely remember the first boyfriend. The first car will always be special in many ways, but 20-30 years later, it's not really the car you want to be driving day to day.
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Relax!
