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The headache of dating - money from my wallet - time from my day =/= worth it to go through the BS anymore.
I think I'm going to take the $$ I usually put toward dating and do something cool, like guitar lessons or something. Then my money is invested in me, not some woman who doesn't know what she wants in a partner.
From the posts I see here on CD, the guys that look at dating as purely an extraction from their wallet are the ones that are having the worst luck. Or is that the reverse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201
I WISH I would be turned down stone cold. Fear of rejection isn't the issue. It's the waste of time, the leading on, the going through just enough dates to think "hey, I realized I like this girl and we might have something here" to very soon her not return my calls, and only showing enough decency to TEXT me her rejection a week later.
I say bring on the stone cold shoot down, I'd welcome it, I can handle that. You wanna talk about bandages? Dating is a slow painful bandage that comes off one painful hair at a time and you don't stop bleeing from it right away. I'd take the quick rip off any day.
I totally appreciate your opinion, but I think of it as manning up and not falling victim to these women's torturing games. I'm making a stand.
Making a stand...for what? To show that you are so emotionally frail that you can't handle the normal dating world that most other people seem to navigate just fine?? Please. You want cheese with that whine?
I've read plenty of your posts...and I just don't get the feeling that you are this much of a puss. Go have a few drinks with some buds, and stop making yourself miserable by thinking that you are some target that women are looking to shoot down. We all get shot down now and then, but then the mystique and wonder of some special person comes along, and we are off and running. It's called life. You are old enough to deal with it by now, I think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
If you feel like you don't want to put yourself out there, that's fine. Dating, for anyone, involves having to have a thick skin. Sometimes someone you like doesn't like you and it hurts. Sometimes someone you don't like likes you and you have to let them down easy. Sometimes you trust someone and they let you down. Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it sucks. So if you come out of the gate already looking for failure and rejection, it's probably not going to work.
You only asked out girls via email??? Seriously? Your problems aren't with online dating...you are just a big chicken sh*t.
Ignorance in it's truest form, ladies and gentleman. For the record: I've asked out many many women out in person. Just not in the last couple of years or so. I've been only doing the online dating thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Man, everything has to happen naturally and you may have to let things take their own course.
I am thinking you are putting too much thought process when you go to see a woman, and that's placing your mind within a ton of expectations which always go hand in hand with pressure. What do you do for a living?
I agree I USED to put a lot of thought between the dates. It was the unknowing of where I stood with the girl I was dating that got to me. When I'm dates I'm smooth as silk, I just go with it, I'm laid back, I don't have expectations of a relationship or sex. I can see how one would guess that this would be coming through in my dates, but I know it hasn't. In the small handful of women that have turned me down, they happened to be the small hanful of women I was somewhat attracted to, and in some sense I just feel it's bad luck (or good luck if you really think about it).
I am in sales for a living, so that should further justify my personality and my ability to be very personable, relaxed, smooth, and non-pressuring in dating scenarios. I'd like to think I do very well on dates, I almost always get accepted for a second date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
If you feel like you don't want to put yourself out there, that's fine. Dating, for anyone, involves having to have a thick skin. Sometimes someone you like doesn't like you and it hurts. Sometimes someone you don't like likes you and you have to let them down easy. Sometimes you trust someone and they let you down. Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it sucks. So if you come out of the gate already looking for failure and rejection, it's probably not going to work.
I agree, and I feel I'm just not thick skinned enough for it. I don't look for the failure, but after my experiences I've realized it's most likely to happen, and it's not the "failure" that I'm not dealing well with (partly because I don't see it as a failure), it's the actual process of dating that I've grown to hate with a passion, to the point where having someone by my side really isn't that important to me, let alone going through a torturing process to find. It's just not worth it in my eyes.
As for Urban's response, I agree with you in many ways, I just don't feel what you're saying applies to me. I'm not going to shut myself out of women from my life, I'm just going to take a different approach, which is none. I've learned that there are women who will just throw themselves at you because they like who I am, and I've had that, but I was trying to do what you were saying: find a girl that can offer ME something, as the women who are drawn to me don't have much to offer. I was taking a proactive approach with the online dating, but I'm done with it. I won't have any part of it. You don't know what you want? You're still figuring your life out? Great, just do it away from me.
Side note: I've also recently put into the action of "being a dick" and I'm noticing extremely positive results. I've always tried to be nice and respectful to women, especially ones I was interested in, but the old adages don't lie, being a dick gets you some interesting results to say the least. Example: I met a girl through some friends last weekend who had the biggest rack I'd ever seen. She tried to make a little fun with me about being Twins fan (she was a Sox fan) and I just laid into her and ripped her team to shreds and made fun of her. After that I couldn't get rid of her, she was buying ME shots. After talking enough with her I realized how effed up she was, and she even talked about online dating and I realized women like her are all over these dating sites like the plague, furthering my justification for getting out of that garbage. I told her to take a hike.
Ignorance in it's truest form, ladies and gentleman. For the record: I've asked out many many women out in person. Just not in the last couple of years or so. I've been only doing the online dating thing.
NO no no. You misread - or I was not clear. I meant that you are only asking out women in emails IN ONLINE DATING. No man has ever asked me out on a date...in a dating site email. I mean actual dates...not just meeting someone for the first time....which are you referring to? Once I meet a guy, and we decide we like each other, we are on the phone and talking...the online thing disappears. Maybe you need to rethink how you are using the site...perhaps you are relying too much on the online part?
good post not sure how it ties into on line dating but i think massive amounts of rejection hurts anybody. instead of going straight to the chase, aka she smiles i ask he out. how bout introducing yourself 1st? then ask if she likes dances or music or something super safe like find a jazz cafe or a social dance do something other than eat and drink or go to a movie. be sure its something that you actually like doing. when you focus on them its like trying to chase and catch a horse, dont do it. if you got no interrests other than hookup its a turn off.
Side note: I've also recently put into the action of "being a dick" and I'm noticing extremely positive results. I've always tried to be nice and respectful to women, especially ones I was interested in, but the old adages don't lie, being a dick gets you some interesting results to say the least. Example: I met a girl through some friends last weekend who had the biggest rack I'd ever seen. She tried to make a little fun with me about being Twins fan (she was a Sox fan) and I just laid into her and ripped her team to shreds and made fun of her. After that I couldn't get rid of her, she was buying ME shots. After talking enough with her I realized how effed up she was, and she even talked about online dating and I realized women like her are all over these dating sites like the plague, furthering my justification for getting out of that garbage. I told her to take a hike.
That a boy! You told her! Did you actually feel better about yourself by giving her attitude and dismissing her? It's not as if she did or said anything hurtful to you or did she and you just neglected to tell us that part?
I think you could use a few more therapy sessions and I'm not saying that to disparage you. I think your issues still go deeper than "online dating ruining you."
NO no no. You misread - or I was not clear. I meant that you are only asking out women in emails IN ONLINE DATING. No man has ever asked me out on a date...in a dating site email. I mean actual dates...not just meeting someone for the first time....which are you referring to? Once I meet a guy, and we decide we like each other, we are on the phone and talking...the online thing disappears. Maybe you need to rethink how you are using the site...perhaps you are relying too much on the online part?
I use the emails to set up the first date. Maybe it's a generational thing, but I've found some women don't like to give out their phone numbers and would prefer to meet in person before doing so.
There's plenty of women who post in their profile to just email them a time and place to meet for a date and if she's interested she'll respond and agree to it. I find this extreme, and I've never done this. I don't think I've ever spoken to a woman on the phone from a dating site BEFORE we went out on the first meet. It's not that I'm opposed to it, it just hasn't happened like that.
That a boy! You told her! Did you actually feel better about yourself by giving her attitude and dismissing her? It's not as if she did or said anything hurtful to you or did she and you just neglected to tell us that part?
First off it's not like her intentions were pure or anything, she drew blood first by rippin the twinkies, gotta watch yourself in this town when you bring up sports teams, Chicago is just 'like that'.
Second, using urban's words "she didn't have anything to offer". This girl had massive extreme fake boobs, like porno boobs, she was a wreck, she was the opitimy of fake and shallow personality. I did speak with her, I did thank her for the shots and bought her a drink in return, I was polite, but I wasn't interested in whatever it is she wanted from me. Her attitude was extremely negative. Now I'm not one without my own problems (CLEARLY), but I didn't need this woman in my life.
I think you could use a few more therapy sessions and I'm not saying that to disparage you. I think your issues still go deeper than "online dating ruining you."
I think I'm just fine. This is a message board, not how I would act to random strangers on the street. I'm guessing you also lack the certifications to be diagnosing people and commenting on their needs for therapy. I'll be ok, don't worry about me. And Online dating didn't ruin me, it ruined me recently for sacking up to ask out a woman in a face to face situation. I don't blame anything else for my own issues.
I use the emails to set up the first date. Maybe it's a generational thing, but I've found some women don't like to give out their phone numbers and would prefer to meet in person before doing so.
There's plenty of women who post in their profile to just email them a time and place to meet for a date and if she's interested she'll respond and agree to it. I find this extreme, and I've never done this. I don't think I've ever spoken to a woman on the phone from a dating site BEFORE we went out on the first meet. It's not that I'm opposed to it, it just hasn't happened like that.
Whoah. I'd change that strategy, immediately. I never ever agree to meet someone that I had never talked to on the phone...enough to get a sense that we might actually like each other. And I don't really care what the guy generally does...that is what I prefer and insist upon, and I state that upfront.
1) I think that online dating sites probably tend to take the fun out "dating." It seems that too many people are taking the same approach to dating, as they take to picking out an LED TV. But then again, it's a personal thing, and maybe people like seeing statistics, attributes and pictures, all in one central database.
2) Too many people are too goal oriented. Everything has to align up and be perfect. Have to have the perfect date...that should lead to the perfect bedroom time...etc, etc. It just doesn't seem like anybody takes the time to smell the flowers anymore.
3) Too picky. I'm as guilty of this as anybody...but some people are picking really silly things. I have a friend who told me "that woman would be perfect if she was 10 lbs lighter." Seriously, you are going to drop somebody over 10 lbs?
Whoah. I'd change that strategy, immediately. I never ever agree to meet someone that I had never talked to on the phone...enough to get a sense that we might actually like each other. And I don't really care what the guy generally does...that is what I prefer and insist upon, and I state that upfront.
Well I appreciate that advice, it's never something I ran into a wall with. I was never turned down in an email when requesting a date and I was given no indication from any of the women I asked that they weren't comfortable meeting yet or preferred to talk and/or email some more. Most of them were more eager to meet sooner than I was.
However, it's too little too late. If I ever sack up enough to ask a girl out in person then I'll consider asking her if we can talk on the phone first to get to know each other before asking for a date.
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I meant that you are only asking out women in emails IN ONLINE DATING. No man has ever asked me out on a date...in a dating site email. I mean actual dates...not just meeting someone for the first time....which are you referring to? Once I meet a guy, and we decide we like each other, we are on the phone and talking...the online thing disappears. Maybe you need to rethink how you are using the site...perhaps you are relying too much on the online part?
I'd change that strategy, immediately. I never ever agree to meet someone that I had never talked to on the phone...enough to get a sense that we might actually like each other. And I don't really care what the guy generally does...that is what I prefer and insist upon, and I state that upfront.
