Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's not accurate, because even if you date, and start a relationship, she could later realize she can do better, and dump you. She was out of your league if that's the case.
Yeah...I would soooo NEXT you for your non-stop whining! Once you realize dating has nothing to do with "leagues" but more with your self-defeating, narcissistic behavior you may get somewhere with a woman.
it seems from time to time, manlet posts a thread stating how down he is, how ****ty the world is, or how low he thinks of himself, relative to dating.
Help should always be given, but when a person doesn't help themselves, it's like talking to a brick wall lol.
Manlet, I have this suggestion for improving your self-esteem and being more positive:
- Don't care what others think
- Dress smart
- Surround yourself with happy environments
I live on Staten Island. You can live relatively well for far less than $100K. I have friends in Manhattan who do just fine on $70K. They are not living in poverty; then again, they aren't living on the upper east side in a concierge apt either.
Bingo, Sam
I don't care if you're in Park Slope or the end of the graves in Brooklyn, sorry but shopping in bodegas for everything for a roll of tp or $4 for a dozen eggs is lunacy. There ARE supermarkets in Brooklyn - Shoprites and Pathmarks and Waldbaum's. And there are deals to be had. $4 for eggs, are you out of your freakin' mind? I just bought 4 doz - at $.89 and Pathmark has a sale on beans for $.77. Sorry, but you don't have to have your beans catered! Do you have your meat pre-chewed for ya at $12/lb? You are beyond extravagant - that's just wasteful.
I have friends in Brooklyn, Park Slope, Dyker Heights, Bay Ridge, Sheepshead Bay, Gerritson Beach, and Bath Beach and only one of them makes $100K. I'm not saying you have to be really tightfisted but if you're frugal, $60K will go pretty far - and without roommates.
Good point.
Good for you and your friends for making do on $60k, but that's just not enough money for me. I don't have any of those supermarkets near me, and I work far too hard and do not have the free time to go on a bean search in the name of being frugal. If I made $60k, perhaps I'd have less responsibility at work, less travel, etc and would have that kind of time... but as it stands, I do not.
betamanlet, i used to be like you in a way. But I got myself out of it.
I realised that:
- My problems/issues are self-made. so if this is the case, how I perceive and react to things is key.
- I am who I am, and I should not change it. Should I want to change it, ask myself "what is the worst thing that can happen if it doesn't change?" I will admit that sometimes I am lazy, or untidy. and whilst these may annoy others, millions (perhaps billions) of others in the world are too. it's a normal human failing. But I also recognise my plus points. I am learned, I treat all with respect, I do not go out of my way to hurt others, I am funny and witty, I have good communication skills, I am ambitious, etc.
- I self-talk and emit confidence this way. Many people I know say that I walk with purpose, and dress the part too. Everyday in work, I make an effort to dress good, and I get numerous compliments from people saying how good I look.
- I don't give a damn what people think, of what I do, what I like, or what I am. I recognise that I have plus points, and weaknesses, as do all other human beings.
My honest appraisal of you, manlet, is this:
- You say you have a good job, live in a good area, so it's not status/position that stops you from getting dates.
- IMO, it's attitude. I think past experience has soured you, which most of all is hurtful to you. I suggest you start from a clean slate, and move forward. Also, see women for who they are - as individuals. Not all women are bad, or are golddiggers.
Anytime you want to chat, about anything, send me a PM.
There's no such thing as leagues. Its just something people made up to give them an excuse not to try and ask someone out, as in "I can't go talk to her, shes way out of my league."
I always thought like that until I got married to a man with a hs diploma,was a barber, and I have a bachelors. In addition,he had no ambition to try to better himself,but I firgured we could get through things and overcome the fact that everyone said he was out of my league.
But I was wrong,wrong,wrong. Love doesn't pay bills or make someone have the same interests as yo do. We barely talk because I'm just not interested in the latest baseball or basketball news. Id rather talk aboutpolitics, but he hates it. I like jazz,he likes soft rock
In other words,if you have a bachelors and someone you meet has a high school diploma working in a factory,run as fast as you can and don't look back. And no,I don't think its being "yuppity" or elitist.
I always thought like that until I got married to a man with a hs diploma,was a barber, and I have a bachelors. In addition,he had no ambition to try to better himself,but I firgured we could get through things and overcome the fact that everyone said he was out of my league.
But I was wrong,wrong,wrong. Love doesn't pay bills or make someone have the same interests as yo do. We barely talk because I'm just not interested in the latest baseball or basketball news. Id rather talk aboutpolitics, but he hates it. I like jazz,he likes soft rock
In other words,if you have a bachelors and someone you meet has a high school diploma working in a factory,run as fast as you can and don't look back. And no,I don't think its being "yuppity" or elitist.
There are plenty of idiots with degrees, and plenty of intelligent people without degrees...(even though those with degrees are probably more drivven etc in general)
What I'm saying is; don't get too cought up on somebodys diploma or lack of it...
In 5 years time I count on having achieved both a bachelors degree in economics and a masters degree in biotechnical enginering, I find it unlikely that I would limit myself to people with double(or even single) university degrees...
When I was young (70's), in my culture (black), as a man your 'rap' was considered more important than how much money you had or your looks. Theoretically no girl was considered to be out of your league so if you found someone you were attracted to, you were expected to make a move. Realistically, rejection was still the name of the game but since my culture's definition of beauty (at least back then) was not restricted to the mainstream definition, you also had a much larger pool to fish in. It was a numbers game.
My advise is similar to what others have given: stop looking. Learn to just 'rap' or talk with people. Spend the next several months just talking with friends about anything. Learn to converse naturally. Learn to entice others to talk to you. If you have someone you are close to, ask for some advise. Do they think you need to change your wardrobe? Is there something strange that you do that freaks people out? Maybe a minor appearance change (haircut, different glasses, etc) is needed. And if no friends are available to ask, learn to watch and listen to strangers. Find a woman that you are attracted to and notice how they are approached. What worked and didn't work. Go to a bar, club, party and see how the alpha dogs do it. Not the posers, the real alpha dogs. Notice what they're wearing, how they enter a room, how they hold themselves, how they approach a woman, what they talk about, how much they talk and how much they listen. Make it a research project. Spend five weeks watching and listening, five weeks practicing conversation with your friends and five weeks just going out and practicing striking up conversations with strangers, men and women, just to talk. Hope this helps you and good luck.
Good for you and your friends for making do on $60k, but that's just not enough money for me. I don't have any of those supermarkets near me, and I work far too hard and do not have the free time to go on a bean search in the name of being frugal. If I made $60k, perhaps I'd have less responsibility at work, less travel, etc and would have that kind of time... but as it stands, I do not.
The point is that it is not that expensive to live in NYC. It is that expensive to live when you don't invest time in yourself beyond work. Anyone can spend $4 for eggs. But you don't have to. Anyone can buy a $15 hamburger at one of the places in the city. But there are alternatives. Some people even - GASP - bring their own (brown bag it). In fact, I have a lawyer friend who does just that. Just because the expensive options are there, doesn't make it the only option which is what your - and Betmanlet's -- posts implied.
If I lived in East Chapeepee and ate gourmet meals every night of the week, prepared by my own chef in my home, could I then turn around and state that it is expensive to live in that city? Don't use your situation as an example of how expensive NYC is. It is only expensive for those who wish to pay for services that are not NECESSARY to live a comfortable existence.
I always thought like that until I got married to a man with a hs diploma,was a barber, and I have a bachelors. In addition,he had no ambition to try to better himself,but I firgured we could get through things and overcome the fact that everyone said he was out of my league.
But I was wrong,wrong,wrong. Love doesn't pay bills or make someone have the same interests as yo do. We barely talk because I'm just not interested in the latest baseball or basketball news. Id rather talk aboutpolitics, but he hates it. I like jazz,he likes soft rock
In other words,if you have a bachelors and someone you meet has a high school diploma working in a factory,run as fast as you can and don't look back. And no,I don't think its being "yuppity" or elitist.
I'm sorry you married someone with whom you had and still have absolutely nothing in common. Why on earth did you get married? His lack of a degree and your single degree aren't that far apart; but obviously your interests are.
Perhaps that someone with a high school diploma working in a factory is working on a degree - or maybe cannot afford to even take one class because the salary just doesn't stretch far enough. That doesn't make the person uneducated. Don't get so hung up on your degree.
Back in the day when we still used typewriters, I ran a typing service. I remember typing one paper for a college senior. It was written on a 3rd grade level, at best. He had one "sentence" that ran on for 2.5 pages. When I finished charging him for editing, his bill came to $97. I charged $1/page and the lousy paper was only 10 pages. So he had the degree, and I did not. I'll tell you who was the smarter of us, if you need to ask. I edited principals' notes home to parents that had spelling and grammatical errors that most of the 6th grade students would have been ashamed of.
Big whoop on your degree. And who's the smart one - you married someone with whom you share(d) nothing in common. Don't blame HIS stupidity for that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Once you realize dating has nothing to do with "leagues" but more with your self-defeating, narcissistic behavior you may get somewhere with a woman. 
