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"The lowest-risk combination is one in which the mother does not work and the father engages in the highest level of housework and childcare,"
Ehm yeah so in other words. The woman only sits at home and do nothing while the man brings home the money and does all the housework, and then if the man stands up for himself and wants the woman to do more housework... Then she files for divorce? Lol.
Honestly though, as a man theres nothing to do to prevent a divorce. A woman can't love a man as much as a man can love a woman, so that the woman will file for divorce is inevitable. A woman can neither love a man that much or that long so if you marry a woman it's only a matter of time before she files for divorce...
What irritates me to no end is how housework and childrearing are assumed to be primarily the woman's responsibility and the man "helps."
EENNNNH!
If I work and he works, guess what? 50-50, pal.
Not I work, I cook, I clean, and he works, he eats, he makes a mess, he waters a plant, and then he gets laid.
That's something my wasband never figured out, and the primary reason I divorced him.
I hear ya.
The article, as I read it, wasnt only talking about SAHMs either. In my experiences even women working 40 hrs a week do most if not all of the housework and maybe the man "helps".
I cant figure out what the heck these guys did before they got married. Did they not eat or get dirty? Before I got married I worked and cleaned and did my own laundry, mowed the lawn, took out the trash, did the same when I was married, same again when I was single with kids, same again when I remarried, doing it all still now that Im divorced again. Why is it when a man says I do, he no longer knows how to do those things.
I don't think it hurts for a man to help out in the home. My wife loves yard work, I hate it. But, she isn't allowed to use the lawn mower, 'cuz she's blond and I don't want her hurting herself...
LOL. Maybe I should dye my hair. Ive never had guy that wont let me operate a lawn mower or weed eater, or chain saw, or ax or tiller or post hole digger, or........
For those who are complaining about the "highest amount" and making it seem like the men are doing all the work while the women sit around doing nothing, I will say that the original link is an example of poor reporting of statistics.
The "highest amount" refers to a relative amount of work within the options provided by the study.
"The fathers’ participation in housework, shopping and childcare was measured in the number of tasks he was reported by the mother to have done in the previous week.
Just over half of fathers in 1975 were reported to have helped with none or one task (51%), while 24% carried out two tasks. About a quarter carried out three or four, the highest contribution."
In other words, one task is the lowest amount, two tasks is the middle amount, and three or four is the highest amount.
That does not mean that the men in the "highest amount" group were doing more housework and childcare than the women. Far from it, and such a thought cannot be inferred from the statistics by a long shot.
Unless you think that only three or four things need to be done per week to run a household or raise a child.
In which case, you should probably not be married in the first place, and whatever you do, please don't breed.
I digress.
This was in 1975. Only a third of the women were employed, an only 5% of them were working full-time.
Now I'm going to hazard a guess, just a wee little guess based on my own experience and what I've seen of the world, that these women were doing the eleventy bazillion other tasks that need to be done every day to run a household and raise children.
Remember, these guys were doing three or four tasks per week. So, they took out the garbage once, put the dishes in the dishwasher once, turned on the kid's bathwater once, maybe ran the vacuum or changed a diaper once. Their wives did everything else: All the errands, all the chauffeuring, all the cleaning (including all the scrubbing of all the toilets with all the man-pee on the rims), all the cooking, all the diaper-changing, all the kissing of all the boo-boos, all the reading of the bedtime stories, all the mopping of all the spilled milk, all the plant-watering, all the laundry, all the judging of all the inter-sibling brawls, all the pet doo-doo clean-up, all the dusting, all the child-proofing, and probably all of the bleepin' Christmas-card writing.
And that was in 1975--when 95% of them were around most of the time to do it.
Yeah, big help three or four tasks a week are going to be to a working wife or mother now.
.
We need studies based on today's world, thanks much.
you got rep an excellent post. what i hear coming thru the lines of your post is enormous stress on the 2010 family we can all point the finger but the american family is in big trouble. everybody needs to do more with less that is the mantra of 2010 and it is getting louder. the lack of support and gratitude for the good already given is numbing. this is indeed genderless evil. my many posts on divorce are intended to resist evil not destroy good.
but evil unconfronted will continue and grow. unless both parties to the crime accept their part in the sorry state of affairs the situation will continue to deteriorate.
i was shocked 30 minutes ago when i stopped by my friends place of business. my friend who owned a family eyeglass shop is no longer in biz, i just went by the shop it is now empty & stripped -an abandonment sign in plastered on the window-- phone is disconnected. how come???, a bad divorce--- 2 years ago. why?-- he would not pay the mortgage on his sister in laws house and would not be servant in his own home to his mother in law --- "failure to help with the household chores causes divorce???????".
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 05-19-2010 at 11:28 AM..
What irritates me to no end is how housework and childrearing are assumed to be primarily the woman's responsibility and the man "helps."
EENNNNH!
If I work and he works, guess what? 50-50, pal.
Not I work, I cook, I clean, and he works, he eats, he makes a mess, he waters a plant, and then he gets laid.
That's something my wasband never figured out, and the primary reason I divorced him.
I agree with what you are say, but a guy has to leave the childbearing up to the woman. OK, quit it, I'm just kidding. I see many of my male friends come home from work and do nothing to help around the house, but worse yet, I see many of them talk to their wives in a degrading way. My former best friend treated his wife terrible in the way he talked to her, he eventually started treating others around him the same. There is no damned excuse for not being kind and helping with the chores. Many people treat their next door neighbor better than they treat their spouse.
You seem to be a very bitter person...basically, your advice comes down to:
"Marriage is hard, so don't do it"
marriage is not hard---- divorce is hard.
scrubbed toilets at night for 3 1/2 years plus a high stress day job to pay for the "no fault" divorce while she spent the 100k settlement like a drunk sailor. btw while married i did all of the housework and all of the cooking and earned all of the money. its all your fault huck. if you just tried harder and did more housework she would be happy and there would be no problem . the problem with american marriage is men are not trying hard enough. men you need to try harder--- if you do- she will- of course- be happy and content and not divorce you.
I have asked you if you were going to marry a guy and you responded with the above post.
What makes me say that is because I read many posts, yours included. I've never read one single post that you have written that makes any sense. What you have to say about women in your posts tells all of the rest of us that you have never been in a relationship with a woman, and the way your are going, you will never be in a relationship with a women, unless you change your outlook. So, that was the reason for my question (will you marry a guy?). I'm not trying to be mean spirited, I'm just trying to get you to stop and think before you type a bunch of words that mean nothing except that you are very immature. If you want to ask questions about women or relationships with women, so you will learn something, there are some ladies on this forum that are darn smart and will give you good answers. There are also a few guys that are bitter that will give you some answers also, some of them you may need to take with a grain of salt. There are other guys that will also give you good answers. Your problem, you just need to learn which is which.
marriage is not hard---- divorce is hard.
scrubbed toilets at night for 3 1/2 years plus a high stress day job to pay for the "no fault" divorce while she spent the 100k settlement like a drunk sailor. btw while married i did all of the housework and all of the cooking and earned all of the money. its all your fault huck. if you just tried harder and did more housework she would be happy and there would be no problem . the problem with american marriage is men are not trying hard enough. men you need to try harder--- if you do- she will- of course- be happy and content and not divorce you.
Huck, everyone knows that you had a really bad experience with marriage, since you remind us of it constantly. From what you say, it sounds like you gave 100% to your half of the marriage, but it can't be argued that you married a woman who didn't respect you and do the same. You're not blameless for that. You chose her.
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How Men Can Reduce Risk of Divorce
