Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Full-on public orgy was not part of my imagination this time around. I imagined different rooms.
I hear ya
The private rooms and the fact that they were in the back, is what in my mind, made the opportunity more palatable & interesting to me. I kind of pictured my husband & I in them .
I never could see myself participating in anything like a swingers type club. If I loved someone, I would not want to share them with anyone else. Also, I do not want to be with just anyone, and I do not want to put on a show for someone else. If I was in a relationship, any experimenting I did and any show I put on would only be for my SO. I do not know anyone my age who participates in this type of club. To be honest, I always thought it was more for middle aged married people, who are bored with each other. To me if you passionately love your spouse, you wouldn't need extra people to help stimulate you. I agree with MM; the actual thought of it nauseates me.
I never could see myself participating in anything like a swingers type club. If I loved someone, I would not want to share them with anyone else. Also, I do not want to be with just anyone, and I do not want to put on a show for someone else. If I was in a relationship, any experimenting I did and any show I put on would only be for my SO. I do not know anyone my age who participates in this type of club. To be honest, I always thought it was more for middle aged married people, who are bored with each other. To me if you passionately love your spouse, you wouldn't need extra people to help stimulate you. I agree with MM; the actual thought of it nauseates me.
Wow, my internet connection died about 6 hours ago and now when I come back this thread has really grown!
I have to back you up here - in my opinion people who look outside their marriage for their sexual fulfillment must be really missing something in their marriage.
I am so completely, passionately in love with my husband that sex with anyone else holds less than zero interest for me. And I may be a very generous person, but there is absolutely no way I'm sharing him with anyone else.
For us, our marriage is sacred and our sex life is about so much more than the physical act of sex itself. And the great sex life we do enjoy is born of the committment and covenant we've made to one another.
What is my problem with all this? A vow of marriage is a vow to be true and faithful in every way. A vow that is meant o be taken seriously. You have found a way to pick out the parts that are inconvenient to the vow and twist it into being "enlightened", how convenient.
How about this, if you want your cake and eat it to, don't get married. Just live together and live that life style. My problem with all this is you trivialize marriage, you trivialize the vow because you can't live up to the whole part of it. It is like making a promise while crossing your fingers behind your back.
Now do you understand what I am thinking about all this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
For us, our marriage is sacred and our sex life is about so much more than the physical act of sex itself. And the great sex life we do enjoy is born of the committment and covenant we've made to one another.
I hope you two don't mind that I'm responding to you both at the same time... your points were very similar, so... two birds, one bird feeder and all that.
I understand what you both are saying about your vows, covenant, etc. But please understand, not everyone makes those same vows. Nowhere in the vows my husband and I made to each other was "monogamy" stated or implied. We wrote our own wedding ceremony, start to finish, and wrote it to reflect who we are and what marriage meant to us.
Marriage most definitely is a commitment... and I believe it is a significant and important one that should not be undertaken lightly. The reality is, however, that people don't actually agree on what that commitment entails. And sadly, even within a marriage, the spouses don't even necessarily agree... that's how you end up with people cheating on each other, for example.
The promises my husband and I made to each other we have upheld to both the spirit and the letter. We made the commitment that was right for us. We have stood by each other through lengthy bouts of unemployment post-9/11 and again when the economy completely tanked. Through devastating illness. Through my becoming "technically" disabled, and thus having to find a new career path. Through the loss of loved ones. Through several moves. Through financial downfalls and successes. And though this is hard for many to comprehend, my boyfriend has stood beside us through these as well, and his girlfriend through the more recent ones.
A multitude of things that have killed relationships left and right in this world, we have not just survived but thrived.
We have kept our word, in totality. How many supposedly monogamous couples can say the same? How many have thoughts or even actions they've engaged in that they hide from their spouse, or would be ashamed of their spouse knowing about? How many blatantly LIE to their spouses on an ongoing basis? How many women fake orgasms? How many men hide their masturbation activities? How many spend every day of their marriage hiding who they are, what they want, what they need... from each other?
We don't do that. We have no reason to. Our vows do not bind us to anyone but each other, and the terms are not for anyone but us to dictate... or to approve of, actually.
Please understand... I do not advocate our relationship style for anyone else. I think this is one of those things where you are either wired for it, or you are not. And I abhor people who guilt or manipulate their spouses into opening up their marriage against the spouse's wishes... that kind of behavior disgusts me. I also think that, generally speaking, it is a bad idea to open up an established, monogamous relationship. In nearly every instance of this I have seen, it has been at the behest of one partner who has pressured another into it... and the other agrees out of fear that if they don't go along with it, their spouse will leave them anyway. It ends up destroying the marriage... it's foolish.
But that is not reflective of our situation. We were both in established, long term relationships with others when we began dating. We were all openly polyamorous. We sought polyamorous partners only. We do not sleep around, we do not share each other outside of committed relationships, and we consider ourselves all to be part of an extended family of sorts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking
oh my gawd.ok I'll give this thread a few more minutes before I bail outta here. You want to know why I think I find it repulsive? If you have to ask that then we are on such different mindsets that there will not be a understanding.
Better that I turn it around and you answer me why you don't think there is anything wrong with getting married, and spreading your body to others? You don't feel any amount of jealousy?, of envy? That maybe your husband might want another more than you? That a vow is a promise of being faithful?
I jumped to conclusions about you having sex with your *boyfriend*? You just verified in this post that you do have sex with him, your husband has sex with other women. So I guess I was right after all.
No, I don't feel jealousy, or envy. Why would I? There is no threat to me, to my position as his wife, to my way of life, to the love he has for me. Love is not a finite thing... there isn't just a set amount and no more, no less. The more love you give and receive, the more there IS to give and receive. It is ever available, it cannot be diminished by spreading it around.
You jumped to the conclusion that my boyfriend and I had had sex that morning. You were wrong. Period. Your assumption was not that we have sex "in general," it was very specific that I had sex with him the day after my wedding. And you were wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Wow, my internet connection died about 6 hours ago and now when I come back this thread has really grown!
I have to back you up here - in my opinion people who look outside their marriage for their sexual fulfillment must be really missing something in their marriage.
I am so completely, passionately in love with my husband that sex with anyone else holds less than zero interest for me. And I may be a very generous person, but there is absolutely no way I'm sharing him with anyone else.
If you have more than one child, is it because you are "missing something" with the first? Or is it because you know you have the capacity to love and successfully parent more than one? Is it because the first born is lacking in some way? Or is it because you feel you have something to offer multiple children? Is your relationship with the first born, the love you have to give them, diminished by the presence of the second, third, fourth, etc.? Is the quantity of love you have to offer finite? Do you start with 100%, give that all to the first, then upon birth of the second, suddenly you're only giving each 50%? With the birth of a third, 33%? A fourth, 25%? Or do you have it within you to give yourself, heart and soul, to each of them, without diminishing what you have for the rest?
It's really no different.
I am so completely, passionately in love with my husband that I have no need to control his love or his sexual activity. I have no reason to feel possessive or jealous or envious, because he doesn't give me any reason to.
Most people have no idea that we are polyamorous... yet we are complimented regularly on how "in love" we are, and asked what our "secret" is to still being as into each other as we were 10 years ago when we started dating. Our usual answer is that we're just really blessed, and we leave it at that. Life has seen fit to throw many challenges in our path, many tragedies in our lives, many hurdles to over come... perhaps it's some sort of cosmic payback or gift that the one area we simply never struggle is within our marriage.
But please don't presume that our love for each other, our devotion, our bond, is somehow less... simply because you cannot comprehend feeling so passionately for someone yet still be willing to not limit their love.
Our way works for us... yours works for you. No one is being hurt by you or by us. You've consented to your relationship dynamics, we've consented to ours. You've stood by your vows, we've stood by ours. Everyone is happy.
I hope you two don't mind that I'm responding to you both at the same time... your points were very similar, so... two birds, one bird feeder and all that.
I understand what you both are saying about your vows, covenant, etc. But please understand, not everyone makes those same vows. Nowhere in the vows my husband and I made to each other was "monogamy" stated or implied. We wrote our own wedding ceremony, start to finish, and wrote it to reflect who we are and what marriage meant to us.
Marriage most definitely is a commitment... and I believe it is a significant and important one that should not be undertaken lightly. The reality is, however, that people don't actually agree on what that commitment entails. And sadly, even within a marriage, the spouses don't even necessarily agree... that's how you end up with people cheating on each other, for example.
The promises my husband and I made to each other we have upheld to both the spirit and the letter. We made the commitment that was right for us. We have stood by each other through lengthy bouts of unemployment post-9/11 and again when the economy completely tanked. Through devastating illness. Through my becoming "technically" disabled, and thus having to find a new career path. Through the loss of loved ones. Through several moves. Through financial downfalls and successes. And though this is hard for many to comprehend, my boyfriend has stood beside us through these as well, and his girlfriend through the more recent ones.
A multitude of things that have killed relationships left and right in this world, we have not just survived but thrived.
We have kept our word, in totality. How many supposedly monogamous couples can say the same? How many have thoughts or even actions they've engaged in that they hide from their spouse, or would be ashamed of their spouse knowing about? How many blatantly LIE to their spouses on an ongoing basis? How many women fake orgasms? How many men hide their masturbation activities? How many spend every day of their marriage hiding who they are, what they want, what they need... from each other?
We don't do that. We have no reason to. Our vows do not bind us to anyone but each other, and the terms are not for anyone but us to dictate... or to approve of, actually.
Please understand... I do not advocate our relationship style for anyone else. I think this is one of those things where you are either wired for it, or you are not. And I abhor people who guilt or manipulate their spouses into opening up their marriage against the spouse's wishes... that kind of behavior disgusts me. I also think that, generally speaking, it is a bad idea to open up an established, monogamous relationship. In nearly every instance of this I have seen, it has been at the behest of one partner who has pressured another into it... and the other agrees out of fear that if they don't go along with it, their spouse will leave them anyway. It ends up destroying the marriage... it's foolish.
But that is not reflective of our situation. We were both in established, long term relationships with others when we began dating. We were all openly polyamorous. We sought polyamorous partners only. We do not sleep around, we do not share each other outside of committed relationships, and we consider ourselves all to be part of an extended family of sorts.
No, I don't feel jealousy, or envy. Why would I? There is no threat to me, to my position as his wife, to my way of life, to the love he has for me. Love is not a finite thing... there isn't just a set amount and no more, no less. The more love you give and receive, the more there IS to give and receive. It is ever available, it cannot be diminished by spreading it around.
You jumped to the conclusion that my boyfriend and I had had sex that morning. You were wrong. Period. Your assumption was not that we have sex "in general," it was very specific that I had sex with him the day after my wedding. And you were wrong.
If you have more than one child, is it because you are "missing something" with the first? Or is it because you know you have the capacity to love and successfully parent more than one? Is it because the first born is lacking in some way? Or is it because you feel you have something to offer multiple children? Is your relationship with the first born, the love you have to give them, diminished by the presence of the second, third, fourth, etc.? Is the quantity of love you have to offer finite? Do you start with 100%, give that all to the first, then upon birth of the second, suddenly you're only giving each 50%? With the birth of a third, 33%? A fourth, 25%? Or do you have it within you to give yourself, heart and soul, to each of them, without diminishing what you have for the rest?
It's really no different.
I am so completely, passionately in love with my husband that I have no need to control his love or his sexual activity. I have no reason to feel possessive or jealous or envious, because he doesn't give me any reason to.
Most people have no idea that we are polyamorous... yet we are complimented regularly on how "in love" we are, and asked what our "secret" is to still being as into each other as we were 10 years ago when we started dating. Our usual answer is that we're just really blessed, and we leave it at that. Life has seen fit to throw many challenges in our path, many tragedies in our lives, many hurdles to over come... perhaps it's some sort of cosmic payback or gift that the one area we simply never struggle is within our marriage.
But please don't presume that our love for each other, our devotion, our bond, is somehow less... simply because you cannot comprehend feeling so passionately for someone yet still be willing to not limit their love.
Our way works for us... yours works for you. No one is being hurt by you or by us. You've consented to your relationship dynamics, we've consented to ours. You've stood by your vows, we've stood by ours. Everyone is happy.
That's what matters.
You wrote, "A multitude of things that have killed relationships left and right in this world, we have not just survived but thrived.
We have kept our word, in totality. How many supposedly monogamous couples can say the same?"
We could
You also said, "Our way works for us... yours works for you. No one is being hurt by you or by us. You've consented to your relationship dynamics, we've consented to ours. You've stood by your vows, we've stood by ours. Everyone is happy.
That's what matters"
That would be what matters if you don't have God in your life and in your covenantal marriage
I truly understand that not all people do, so don't think I am being judgemental. I am merely trying to explain my frame of reference.
You and I don't define "marriage" the same way.
By your definition you have a great marriage, and I'm glad you are happy.
But since I do have God in my life what matters to me won't be the same thing as what matters to you. And what matters to me is what matters to God - I answer to Him, as I believe we all will in the end.
It's my opinion that many people make the mistake of thinking this life on earth is all there is, or all that "matters" when in truth, this life is but a blink of the eye compared to what is to come in eternity. Not trying to get too preachy, just wanted you to understand where I am coming from.
There is so much more that "matters" than many people want to accept or believe. But again, I respect your right to believe, or not believe, whatever you choose
So I thought swingers just walked around naked all the time while they were there. Himain, what are you going to wear? Are you going to 'do it' with your friend's husband? Just wondering.
Also, how much do these places charge? Is it somewhere in the hundreds or more affordable, like a Sam's club membership?
Also, for the women that go to these clubs often, what is the motivation for going? Is it just sex? Do you go so that you can make new friends? What makes you say "I want to go there with my partner"? And once there, what makes you turn one guy down and not another? Is it that one is hung and the other isn't? Do men with small penises get in? Does anybody have sex with them?
Has anybody started another relationship with a person they met there , and left the husband/ wife for him/ her? Is this place really for women with a sexual addiction?
Also, for Wingsy, does your husband ever get jealous of your boyfriend, or vice-versa? Why did you marry one and not the other? Is one inferior to the other? Does your boyfriend ever have sex with your husband's girlfriend? How would you feel if your husband went outside of the marriage/partnership, and had sex with other women, and you didn't know anything about it? Would it be okay? I know women never like to think that their husband would lie to them, but I know that many women are wrong. Sometimes, a person is unsatisfied with being completely whipped, so they go out and do something behind the spouses' back. Would you be okay if he did went out and seeked other women without your knowledge? Can your boyfriend get married? Is he married now?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I imagined different rooms.
.
