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I'm curious as to whether the formal marriage act is just some service and piece of paper, or does that only apply to the negative(meaning divorce)?
I am married, and since my wife and I love each other and have a very real connection, it is definately more than a piece of paper to us. But, for the sake of argument, if that were to cease, and we wanted a divorce, that little piece of paper would no longer carry sentiment for me, or her I would imagine. What is important is the connection and commitment, not a paper simply used to follow the laws of our land to show that we want to commit to each other legally. Does that make sense? For instance, we didn't throw a huge celebration on the day we went to the courthouse to get the permit, we threw a huge celebration on the day we had a ceremony before God, our friends and family.
Sometimes I just can't believe how glibly and freely I dispense advice over the internet!
But I agree with most of the others here, I don't think it is appropriate to date until your divorce is final regardless of the circumstances of the marriage and what led to its demise.
Sometimes I just can't believe how glibly and freely I dispense advice over the internet!
But I agree with most of the others here, I don't think it is appropriate to date until your divorce is final regardless of the circumstances of the marriage and what led to its demise.
Okay, I'll go with the flow and say she shouldn't date for now. But, just for the sake of argument, what if he doesn't ever divorce her, or waits years and decades? Is she constrained still by this old piece of paper?
I am married, and since my wife and I love each other and have a very real connection, it is definately more than a piece of paper to us. But, for the sake of argument, if that were to cease, and we wanted a divorce, that little piece of paper would no longer carry sentiment for me, or her I would imagine. What is important is the connection and commitment, not a paper simply used to follow the laws of our land to show that we want to commit to each other legally. Does that make sense? For instance, we didn't throw a huge celebration on the day we went to the courthouse to get the permit, we threw a huge celebration on the day we had a ceremony before God, our friends and family.
My reason for asking is that your response regarding divorce is one I've heard many folks who are 'shacking up' use regarding marriage. I think all aspects of both marriage and divorce are important, both the spiritual side and the legal side. A marriage isn't a marriage until it's a marriage, and a divorce isn't a divorce until it's a divorce.
Okay, I'll go with the flow and say she shouldn't date for now. But, just for the sake of argument, what if he doesn't ever divorce her, or waits years and decades? Is she constrained still by this old piece of paper?
What if, what if, what if?
In that event, she needs to seek very competent legal advice. Beyond that, I'm not prepared to elaborate.
Okay, I'll go with the flow and say she shouldn't date for now. But, just for the sake of argument, what if he doesn't ever divorce her, or waits years and decades? Is she constrained still by this old piece of paper?
I'm not familiar with familial law, but is that even possible? Isn't it possible to get a divorce without the 'consent' of the other party?
I was with Jeffncandace ... ...I still think you should be allowed the joy of meeting others. But only do what you are comfortable with and don't let people talk you into something else. You have been through a very tough situation and for a long time. I just can't help but think our loving Father above would want you to experience a healthy and loving relationship. Much joy and love being sent your way!
Last edited by little_thirsty; 07-05-2007 at 03:15 PM..
It's not that he can't afford to pay for a divorce - it has to do with his tax papers that he has to get fixed. Apparently he had a crooked accountant who didn't do his job right - but my ex (technically he isn't my ex on paperwork, but the way we live our lives, he is my ex) anyway, my 'ex' didn't do his job of overseeing the accountant that he hired. So now all of his taxes for the past couple of years are messed up and he has to get that fixed so he can show the judge in child support court so the judge can tell him what he is supposed to pay for child support. I don't get this part either because he and I already agree on a figure and he has been paying our agreed on amount for over a year now. It could take a year or more to get his taxes fixed.
To me, in our hearts and actions, we are divorced. I never wanted to be separated or divorced from my husband. I wanted to find the right man for me, get married and spend the rest of our lives together. But I couldn't take the abuse any more. I had a talk with God and told God that I couldn't live like that any longer. That I was going to tell my husband that I can't take his violent behavior anymore and that he needed to be nice or get out. I told God that I was placing my life in His hands and whatever my husband decided is God's will. When I talked to my husband, he told me that he had already been making plans to move in with another woman - so that's what he did immediately.
I have always been a Christian, but didn't always behave like one because of being with my husband - I got to the point that I put my husband above my Christianity. I did things he wanted to do that were against my religion, I didn't attend church for a long time because he didn't want to go. Things like that. But since he left, I have gotten back to behaving like I feel a Christian should behave. I read the Bible often. I feel spiritually connected to God again -- THAT FEELS GREAT!!!! I feel at peace. I have read the Bible cover to cover, prayed, thought about my entire life, tried to figure out why my live played out the way it did.
I got right with God again, but I am lonely for companionship - an honest love and relationship with a spouse. Honestly I'm not worried about physical contact - I want to feel a true love - relationship- friendship- spiritually and emotionally then later as the relationship naturally developing into a physical relationship with a man. I am 34 years old and I want to feel the love that my parents had for each other that I thought I was going to get out of my marriage.
Whenever I have asked my husband about the divorce papers - (his lawyer is free for him - he exchanges boat work for lawyer work), all he has ever said is " I don't have time for that!". Yesterday, (a year and a half after he left, the whole time I asked about the divorce papers), he finally explained the problem with his taxes keeping him from being able to do the divorce papers and he doesn't have the time to get too focus on getting either (the taxes or the divorce) done. So, jeffncandance is right, he might not get around to doing the paperwork for a year or more. Meanwhile, he is going about living what he considers a full life - girlfriend, love, relationship, job, friends, etc. But he is not a Christian. But since I'm a Christian, I feel like I have to have this divorce paper before I can go on with my life and allow myself to find love in a relationship. I feel jipped! I'm alone and it's not fair! (I sound like a three year old with that last line!)
I want to do what is right in God's eye. But if my husband is putting forth no real effort to do what he needs to do to get a divorce, but has moved on, why am I stuck alone and feeling punished?
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Dear Abby a.k.a.kaykay at your service....
... ...I still think you should be allowed the joy of meeting others. But only do what you are comfortable with and don't let people talk you into something else. You have been through a very tough situation and for a long time. I just can't help but think our loving Father above would want you to experience a healthy and loving relationship. Much joy and love being sent your way!
