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kid goes to confession and says father I have sinned I had sex with a girl.Priest says who is the girl?Kid says I rather not say.Priest says a few girls names boy says I rather not say.Kid leaves church and meets his friend outside and his friend asked did he tell the priest who he had sex with.Kid says no but I got a few tips.
Just have to ask, are you texting this from a phone?
A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it's a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither one of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi says, "So you're a priest. That's interesting; I'm a rabbi. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace."
The priest replies, "Oh, yes, I agree. It's a miracle that we survived and are here together."
"And here's another miracle," says the rabbi. "My car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune," he says, handing the bottle to the priest.
The priest nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands it back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes it and puts the cap back on.
"Aren't you going to have any? asks the priest.
"Not right now," says the rabbi. "I think I'll wait until after the police make their report."
this is probably in the wrong thread; however, i found no subject heading that addressed about that which i wanted to discuss. my observation is to all, but to those who particularly identity themselves as simple New Testament christians. more and more, i hear the cultural expression of the use of the term in God's name in vain, "Oh My God" and "OMG". as a christian, this expression is totally w/out christian merit, as an expression, and i am shocked to hear christian adults, teenagers, and children regularly using in in daily expression of language. the christian should never utter the name of god, christ, or the lord unless it is for the purpose of addressing the aforementioned in addresses of prayer, holiness, salutation, and reverence. these titles are never to be used as trivial, trite, or treated as common wordy expressions. perhaps, someone would care to comment of the subject, for i see it as being very offensive and disrespectful to the lord, and all christians should be thinking about it now and correcting those for whom they are responsible for teaching. again, it is a use of the Lord's name in vain.
this is probably in the wrong thread; however, i found no subject heading that addressed about that which i wanted to discuss. my observation is to all, but to those who particularly identity themselves as simple New Testament christians. more and more, i hear the cultural expression of the use of the term in God's name in vain, "Oh My God" and "OMG". as a christian, this expression is totally w/out christian merit, as an expression, and i am shocked to hear christian adults, teenagers, and children regularly using in in daily expression of language. the christian should never utter the name of god, christ, or the lord unless it is for the purpose of addressing the aforementioned in addresses of prayer, holiness, salutation, and reverence. these titles are never to be used as trivial, trite, or treated as common wordy expressions. perhaps, someone would care to comment of the subject, for i see it as being very offensive and disrespectful to the lord, and all christians should be thinking about it now and correcting those for whom they are responsible for teaching. again, it is a use of the Lord's name in vain.
Where's the punch line?
You're right. this is not the right thread........but it is funny how so many so called christians seem to think that they need to correct anyone, anytime. Believe it or not, god did NOT set you up as the arbiter of the world, only the arbiter for yourself.
A man was golfing at one of the many golf courses in Ireland and he hit the ball into the rough. He went looking for the ball, but before he could find it he came across a leprechaun. Knowing his magical powers he grabbed him, hoping to capture his pot of gold.
"Please," said the leprechaun. "I'll make it worthwhile if you let me go."
"What do you mean?"
If you let me go I'll help you with your golf game, I'll guarantee that you never want for money, and you'll have all the sex you want."
"Well," said the golfer, "that sounds like a pretty good deal. Off with you, then."
About six months later the golfer found himself playing the same course, and wouldn't you know it, he the same leprechaun. He asked him how things were going, and weren't they just as he said?
"Well," said the golfer, "My handicap is down to two, and since I play about three days a week I'd say the golf is just the way you promised."
"What about the money?" Are you finding it as I promised?"
Once again, the golfer had to admit, the leprechaun had performed exactly as promised. "I go to the pub every night, and when I reach in my pocket there's always enough to buy a round for the house. My car broke down the other day, and I had plenty to fix it. I'd have to say I really have no money worries at all."
"Oh, one last thing," said the leprechaun. "How's your sex life?"
"Well," said the golfer. "I've been having sex about two or three times a week. Of course, I do have a fairly small parish."
3 Nuns died and went to heaven. But before they could go in St Peter stopped them and said, "Sorry, it's not your time. You cant come in yet, but you can go back to earth and live your lives as anyone you would like to be and still come in to heaven when you finally die because we are sorry form the mix up."
"Wow" said the first nun. "Well I would like to go back as Paris Hilton..."
'So be it." said St Peter and she was gone.
The second nun said, " I would like to be Lady Gaga."
"Sure." said St Peter and she was gone.
The third nun said, "I would like to go back as Sarah Pipileenee."
"I have never heard of her," said St Peter. "Who is she?"
The nun pulled out a newspaper and showed St Peter the front page... He glanced at it for a second and started to laugh..."No, he said that's the Sahara Pipeline, laid by 400 men in 2 weeks!"
A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it's a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither one of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi says, "So you're a priest. That's interesting; I'm a rabbi. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace."
The priest replies, "Oh, yes, I agree. It's a miracle that we survived and are here together."
"And here's another miracle," says the rabbi. "My car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune," he says, handing the bottle to the priest.
The priest nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands it back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes it and puts the cap back on.
"Aren't you going to have any? asks the priest.
"Not right now," says the rabbi. "I think I'll wait until after the police make their report."
Q = Are Buddhist monks allowed to have vacuum cleaners?
A = Yes, but without the attachments.
(please, please, do not ask me to explain it to you.)
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